I was excited to finally start writing completely new chapters again. I really like the idea of using David as a bridge between Ryan and a lot of the things he just doesn't get. Things that are the lifeblood of gamers. I like the planned confrontation with with Adam Smasher (The real one this time) coming up. Honestly, I was genuinely excited to be writing again.

  Then it started, people just coming out of the woodwork who don't seem to understand what I'm trying to do here. Who don't resonate with my style of writing. Who are judging this story as if I'm trying to get it published or as if I'm toting it as something it's not, or as if I'm demanding money for this. Who rightly or wrongly, call out the same things I've already been called out for countless times.

  I'm tired. Tired of defending myself and my attempts at something I thought was an interesting idea. Tired of defending a character that is so far from my own attitudes and personality that it was a challenge to find his voice. I think I've done a decent job of things, but maybe I'm wrong. As one person put it, maybe I just am THAT stupid, or that blind.

  Anyway, I stared at the screen for an hour today, and when something finally came out I hated it. So I trashed it and tried again. Same result. Twice more and nothing I felt good about came out. I just couldn't make myself write Ryan perspective. Sure I could force out some slop, but I won't. And maybe some people think all of this is slop, but I don't. It may not be great but I put a lot of effort (twice) into this story, and I've learned a lot.

  Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

  So I sat down and had a think about it. I do this in my extremely limited free time for fun. Or I thought I did. Some days I'm just doing this for my readers and not because I enjoy it. Somedays I'm writing to prove to myself I can still do something to reach out to others. Somedays I'm writing because I'm old and stubborn. Somedays I do it because it's all I have that feels worth doing. Every once in a while it's just bloody spite that keeps me going.

  But still I'm tired, and I'm drawing a blank.

  I think I need a break from Ryan for a while. A few days, maybe a week. I don't know.

  I have two other stories, I am working on and hopefully they can help me snap out of this slump. Also I'm going to try to repost my first attempt at a story, that got erased when Warpunk did. It never did very well, but then again it was more like I was GMing a single player RPG.

  For you RR folks, my other stories are only on SH, for various reasons. No offense to you folks, it just ended up being simpler that way.

  I'm not changing the status of the story, until I sit back down after a break and decide I can't for whatever reason keep doing this.

  Hopefully, I'll see you again soon.