Shade turned away from Faylen, trying to hide how hard he was laughing, but failing completely. “Is something funny, sir?” She asked, arms crossed, quite unamused herself. The two of them were in a clothes shop of sorts. It was a shop for clothes that were donated to the town. The clothes though that typically got donated were clothes that even the less fortunate amongst the more powerful races didn’t even want. That included the onesie that looked oddly like a banana Faylen was currently wearing.

  “What was this even made for?” Shade asked through giggles.

  “The better question is why did you have me try this on?” She retorted.

  “It wouldn’t have fit me.” He responded with a shrug.

  “That’s not an answer. You said we were going to get me shoes here, now I’m dressed like a fruit.”

  Shade opened his mouth to make the, ‘you are what you eat’ joke, but decided it was in poor taste to make to a former slave. So instead, he held up a pair of shoes in his hands that looked like a pear. “Don’t worry, I found a PAIR of shoes for you as well.”

  She shook her head. “I think I’m regretting my decision.” She said. Internally though, while not actually regretting the decision yet, she was still struggling with the fact he was the black devil. This man in front of her had killed thousands and thousands of people, maybe into the six figures. Yet here he was, joking around, trying to get her to put on silly outfits. How could this be the same person who had melted entire villages without a second thought?

  “Fine, fine.” He said. “You’re no fun. I think I saw some regular shoes on the far end of the shop. Just go pick out a pair and bring them to the counter.”

  In the end, the ‘regular’ shoes weren’t much different from the pear-shaped shoes. The lime green work boots were the shoes with the least amount of wear and tear, as apparently even the humans didn’t want to wear them. Now though Faylen added them to her already silly outfit of a sky-blue shirt, and red pants. As they walked down the street, and nobody still gave Faylen a single look, Shade had to give it to the humans for their ability to mind their business. If he had been walking down the street and noticed someone cosplaying as a rainbow, he would definitely take a peek.

  The two made their way out of the merchant’s district and towards the guild. The guild hall was the second largest building in the town, only smaller than the local church. The two buildings were also right next to each other, probably so there was never a doubt over which was bigger. As Shade stared up at the obnoxiously large church that was way too big for the menial amount of people in the town, he had a thought and turned to Faylen. “Since you were worried about me eating your soul and all, I assumed you to be religious. Are you? And if so, which god do you worship?”

  She nodded while also staring up at the church. “Rivas.”

  “Rivas?” He responded. “The god of light? They mostly worship him in Alessandria. Is that where you were an orphan?”

  She nodded again. “I believe so, though I was a baby when I was given away, so I don’t really remember. Anything before I was 3 or 4 is somewhat blurry.”

  He nodded himself. This narrowed down who she was quite a bit. While Alessandria was the largest of the kingdoms on the continent, and the most populous, it was considered the melting pot of kingdoms. If she was a powerful fairy born from powerful fairy parents in Alessandria, outside of the nobility, there probably weren’t that many of them. Except, what if she was nobility? Would that actually make the most sense? If a noble had a child with no echos, deemed to be cursed by the devil, then they would surely give them away. Can’t have their picture-perfect image get a blotch on it.

  “If I remember correctly, you said you don’t believe in Gods, right?” Faylen asked, and Shade snapped from his thoughts.

  He tilted his head back and forth. “Yes and no.” he responded. “I don’t really believe in these 13 Gods being real Gods. I once met one of them, apparently one of the strongest ones, and they didn’t seem very God like to me.”

  “You met a God?” She asked in shock, peeling her eyes from the church to stare at him.

  “Supposedly.” He shrugged. “Though she could have been lying. After I…. let’s say, left Alessandria myself, I traveled past Endross, which was in ruins by this point of course, and made my way toward Normuc. High up in the mountains that bordered Normuc and Endross was this weird stone building that seemed completely out of place, like it had been placed there by someone rather than being built. It had some sort of magical seal thing on it, so like anyone would do, I tried to break it. I succeeded, then went inside. Inside was this woman who was made out of water. She claimed to be the goddess of life, Colandria, who had been sealed away by some ultimate god. I didn’t really stay long though as the building turned out to be completely empty outside of her, and she was just a manic mess at the fact I had broken in. Talking with crazy people isn’t exactly a past time of mine, so I left.”

  “Why don’t you believe she was actually a God? Was she weak?”

  He shook his head. “Oh, no. While I was in that room, it felt like I was drowning under echos. She probably could’ve killed me without any effort at all.”

  “Then why don’t you think she was a God?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know, stereotypes maybe? I mean, power doesn’t make you a god. I could kill most people in this village without any effort. Am I God to them? What makes something a God? When I imagine a God, I imagine this visage of holiness and righteousness, helping point people in the world in the right direction. Yet there’s 13 Gods apparently, and how shit is the world still? How much evil have you seen in your life, have I seen in mine, have I committed in mine? How could there be all these Gods, and yet the world is always on fire. That would suggest to me they don’t have the actual influence to influence it. There nothing more than powerful beings who try to use that power to convince others to abide by their will. But I could do the same, and I’m not a God.”

  She turned her head back to the church, pausing for a moment. “Earlier, you asked me to be more normal around you, not scared. I’m going to take you at your word on you actually wanting that.” She then paused again for a beat. “I believe that’s a bit of a na?ve opinion, if I’m being honest.”

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  He raised an eyebrow. Not just at the fact she thought he was being na?ve, but the fact she was openly sharing that with him. “And why is that?”

  “Maybe na?ve isn’t the right term. I can’t think of a better word though.” She then turned her gaze back away from the church and to him. “There are 13 gods, who probably have 13 different opinions on how the world should work. If each of them was constantly imposing their will on the world, it would surely be even more chaotic. There would be constant holy wars. But ignoring that, if they did make the world a perfect place, how would they know who should go to heaven and who should go to hell?”

  “I’m not sure I believe in heaven or hell.” He responded.

  “Then what happens to the soul after death?” She asked. “You can eat and influence souls, so you can’t deny their existence. They have to go somewhere, right?” She prodded.

  “Why though? When something is born, a soul pretty much appears out of nothing. Why can’t it disappear into nothing? And speaking of us eating souls, why hasn’t any God done anything about it? Colandria said she was banished to where she was because she killed a bunch of necromancers who were pulling souls out of the afterlife, and back into the world. Wouldn’t eating souls and denying them the afterlife be just as bad?”

  “Didn’t you just answer your own question? If she was punished by that apparent ultimate god for doing so, then wouldn’t you think even if eating souls was against some sort of rules, if the ultimate God told them to let it be, they would let it be.”

  He tilted his head back and forth again, considering. “That’s fair.” He paused for a second. “So then are you one of those people that believe everything happens for a reason? You were born to a shit life, while some others are born with stacked hands. How do you think the Gods reckon with that? If someone with a shit life does some…. questionable things to get out of it, would that be looked down on? But how would that be fair when others never have to make those same decisions?”

  “If you had a child who was 5, and a kid who was 15, would you give them the same math test?” She asked.

  “You think people born into poverty have an easier path to heaven?” He asked back.

  She shook her head. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is the expectations should fit the person. If someone steals because they need to in order to survive, that should be looked at differently than if someone steals because they just want to steal.”

  “But then that’s somewhat unfair again. If everyone has different rules, rules we can’t see, how are we supposed to know what we should be doing?”

  “You should always be trying to do good, no matter who you are, or where you’re from.”

  He spat at that. “Talk about na?ve, that sounds like a line from a children’s book.”

  “Maybe, but isn’t it true?” She replied.

  “No.” He said adamantly. “Good and evil doesn’t really exist. That’s my point, if there are some rules we should be following, we should know what they are. And every god, and every church, has different ideals, values, morals. Which would get you to heaven? Are they all right, all wrong?”

  “While they may have different morals and values, a lot of evils deeds, and good deeds, are all universal.”

  He scoffed. “I don’t believe that either.”

  “Why not?” she asked.

  He looked up at the sky for a moment, thinking of an example, before looking back to her. “Here, let me try my best to explain my reasoning. You may look at people and think some are good, and some are evil, but that’s not exactly true. You see, everybody is righteous in their own minds. Everybody has a cause, even the people you may think are evil. Those evil people have convinced themselves that there’s some ends to their means, that the bad things they're doing will end in something good for themselves or for others. There's no such thing as purely good people and purely bad, just a bunch of shades of grey. Take for example bandits. Do you think they wanted to be bandits, poor and broke, needing to steal and kill to survive? Of course not. I’m sure they have families and loved ones, and I bet you they’ve done nice things for them in the past. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re bandits, and they’ve likely killed, raped, and sold hundreds of people. But according to you, them being born into poverty means they have a different test, the lines they can cross are different. But what is the line, where is the line? Is it killing, raping, and who decides it? Then what about when people do something about the bandits. If I killed them, would that be good? Maybe not, but if I captured them and gave them to some sort of authorities, you know what would happen? They would be hung anyway. Does that make the authorities bad? Or do they get a pass because they have some sort of made up power to decide who lives and who dies? That’s why the way I’ve lived my life is this, If I think you're a bad person, I'll be more than happy to do bad things right back to you. Many people don’t like that, don’t like someone being the judge, jury and executioner. But what difference is that to an authority figure being judge, jury and executioner? And what about the gods, they play the same role, deciding people’s fate on made up rules that many don’t know. So then why can’t I be the judge and jury? Do I think I’m the most righteous, no of course not, but I also don’t think others are either. I guess to finish my ramblings, what I’m saying is rather simple. I tried to do good for most of my life, believe it or not. Which, according to you, would be what someone who would get into heaven would be doing. But when you look at me, I’m sure you see someone who when they die, will be burning for an eternity. So will I go to heaven because my past self was convinced some bad things he was doing were good, or will I go to hell because some god decided they were bad?”

  “Hell.” She replied plainly, and he was taken aback at her immediate response. “As I said, I think some good and some evils are all universal. Maybe you convinced yourself what you were doing was good, but if it wasn’t, it wasn’t. I guess me saying that people should always be trying to do good wasn’t the best way to put it. Maybe I was na?ve, but I would like to assume most people think killing, and raping are bad. Now when it comes to an authority figure killing someone, or you killing someone who had killed others, I agree that’s a bit grey. But come on, I’ve heard the stories of you, you’ve burnt down entire villages, killing thousands overnight, there’s no way you could think that was ‘good.’”

  “I would disagree with that premise though. I think I had some alright reasons for burning those villages, even if in hindsight I would do things differently. But let’s use a different example. What about war then? In wars, thousands of innocents get killed. Soldiers and mages burn down villages themselves. Do all those soldiers go to hell then? But they were just following orders. Does that make it ok? If I was ordered to burn those villages down, would it be ok then? Surely not, but if they disobey an order, they would be traitors, and killed themselves. Yet, shouldn’t that not be a problem? Yet it is.”

  “What do you mean that shouldn’t be a problem?” She asked.

  “Why haven’t you killed yourself?” He asked back.

  She was shocked by the question. “Would you in my situation?”

  “If I had the devout belief you are pretending to have, I probably would. But that’s my point, its pretend, at least somewhat. You and those soldiers all have a little spark of doubt within you. If you truly thought that when you died, you would go to some heaven, then why deal with being tortured and raped? Why not just end it? Because deep down, you know that you don’t know. Nobody has any clue what happens after death, which gods are real, what the gods want, what they expect, and what we should be doing. We’re all running around blind, yet being judged when we run into a tree. It’s rather bullshit.”

  “That’s all rather fair.” She responded. “I don’t know how the gods would treat soldiers in an army compared to a single rogue entity. And you’re probably right, there probably is some doubt within me. But If I’m being honest, everything you’ve said still sound like excuses. Excuses you tell yourself about why you’ve done what you’ve done. And I think if you truly thought that what you’ve done in the past was even slightly good, you wouldn’t be drinking your eyeballs out pretending to be dead for a decade.”

  He frowned, that hit rather hard. He opened his mouth, but found he didn’t have a response.