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Thor Needs to See a Shrink

  21

  Thor returns to the hall and curses in dismay

  "I instructed you all to train this wimp," (he) rebukes

  And now I find you put on such a fine display?

  All your horrible acting makes me want to puke"

  "Who's acting? asks James, "My victory was no fluke

  You are just jealous of my wondrous new power"

  He says, looking around as proud as an archduke

  "Really, Thor you are such a very big downer"

  "Fine. Lesson one," says Thor, "you will now encounter

  'Tis to always, at all times, respect your teacher"

  "In truth," says James, "You Thor are such a big coward

  "You are too weak to even pick up that hammer"

  Thor picks up a hammer placed below a banner

  And swings it at the joyous Viscount James point blank

  And poor James, just stands, he cannot even stagger

  "After every lesson," says Thor, "Say your thanks"

  "Thank you," mumbles James, "Think I'd rather walk the plank

  It hurts so much, why don't you go pick on Peter?

  "My sight is now gone, I can only see a blank

  I say Thor, you are such a vile Viscount beater.”

  "Lesson two for you two, run a kilometre,"

  Thor looks at them grimly, he will take no excuse

  "Run now and finish before I drink a litre

  Or would you rather experience more abuse?"

  "I won't run," said Peter, "I'd much rather drink juice"

  "Lesson three then, do not argue with your teacher,"

  Thor pats his hammer, "To you too I'll introduce

  This magnificent hammer and all its features"

  He'd much rather be bored listening to preachers

  Than run round and round in a useless endeavour

  He thinks of Mary then, that beautiful creature

  He will do this for Mary and their forever

  Everyday they run, each time wearing more armour

  The heavy weight of mail, sword, shield near breaks their knees

  It's tough. Thor will have no shirking whatsoever

  And then lesson four begins like a pleasant breeze

  This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  "In this realm, 'the Afterworld' in parentheses"

  Says Thor, "You have no doubt discovered the secret

  Strength and weakness are in the mind, don't feel unease

  It is written about in this little leaflet"

  He hands them a book which says, ‘Wonders of Egypt’

  "Umm," says James, "What's the secret got to do with this?"

  Your line of thinking I really cannot decrypt"

  "I gave you the wrong leaflet. I, Thor was remiss."

  He hands them another, titled 'Bliss and Abyss

  The secret of gaining great strength in the dead realm'

  Thor then nods at them and with a wave does dismiss

  "Know by heart this wonderful treatise by Wilhelm."

  Peter leaves the hall and sits under an old elm

  Painstakingly pronouncing each word with a frown

  He would much rather be running around with helm

  These words are a real agony, pain to his crown

  The secret's the mind, he finally breaks it down

  Over here you are as strong as you think you are

  With the right mindset one could even fly around

  To distances near and far or 'haps e'en a star

  It is that simple, laughs Peter, that's so bizarre

  For a leaflet with a hundred or so pages

  Why turn a few words into a whole seminar?

  Those old scholars always talk of things for ages

  He closes his eyes, and with spirit engages

  To fly up high, towards the dark and cloudy sky

  He keeps going up higher in little stages

  (Mary's white lamb on the ground ‘maa’s in confusion

  Wond'ring if Peter had drunk some avian infusion)

  22

  "Mary," Peter screams as he falls from cloudy sky

  A moment's indiscretion results in the drop

  He falls into a lake, he's far away from dry

  Thor and the white lamb stare at him in the backdrop

  Thor pulls the boy out, "Let us go to the cloth shop

  The tailor will give you something before you freeze

  Maybe a haircut too, you'd look good with a crop

  And then we shall go and snack on some tasty cheese

  Then you'll teach the fop with your flying expertise

  Once you are done with that, you both shall train to fly

  With Einherjar on your back and against the breeze

  If you refuse," This grins, "I shall make you comply"

  "I cannot waste my time, I've an eye in the sky"

  Says Peter, "To find my pretty darling Mary"

  "I know where she is, her location I'll supply"

  Says Thor, "Train now, or copy the dictionary."

  After they are done with eating cheese and cherry

  Peter goes back to Valhalla's Halls to find James

  Thor looks at the sky and suddenly turns wary

  A goddess says to him, "Thor, stop playing your games"

  "Sif, my love," says Thor, "My one and only true flame

  Your golden hair casts other women to despair"

  Sif's eyes glitter, "Husband, have you really no shame?

  Now don't you run away from me Thor, don't you dare

  You've had no women while away, do you dare swear?"

  Thor scratches his head, "There may have been one I think

  No, twelve, and that pair to whom I had to be fair,"

  Angry Sif, "I'll break your head with the kitchen sink

  I think it is time that you went and saw a shrink

  Something wrong with your brain, I think that you're insane

  And so addicted to women, danger and drink

  There's a certain mental wellness you can't maintain"

  "Sif, my love" says Thor, "you're all I need for my brain

  My mental health is well now that I am with you

  Let's go now and do something magic and arcane

  I won't mince my words with you, till morrow let's screw

  "Oh Thor, my love," Sif blushes, "I have changed my view

  You might be a cheat, a lout and a disaster

  I'll kill any other woman you dare pursue

  But for tonight you shall be my love, my master"

  Let's leave Thor to his happily ever after

  Let us leave Peter and James to their flight training

  Let's leave the mockingbird and lamb to their laughter

  Let's shift scene to Mary before moon starts waning

  (To be continued... I do hope

  Once I find her by telescope)

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