Lucifer listened as Vennifer flicked through pages of what seemed like the eighth book she had selected from the hundreds of shelves that surrounded them, appearing content in doing so. He was sitting on the desk alongside her, his arms folded, glancing around now and again in case Heimval emerged. Often, the old Hateful man who served as archivist kept a watchful eye, ensuring no one damaged the books or put them in the wrong place.
I'm surprised he hasn't chastised me for being here, Lucifer thought, rising to his feet as he inspected the archive. It was within the basement of Tower 3, only accessible through a spiral staircase. The shelves were stacked in a steady incline of ten sub-floors, filled with thousands of books. They were organised in ways that only the most meticulous of eyes could organise, from alphabetical order, size and even colour, before finally being sorted into categories. Lucifer admired the detail Heimval had demonstrated here. It was the hallmark of being Hateful, seeking to form order from inanimate objects.
'You know,' Vennifer began, prompting him to return his gaze as she looked up from the massive tome she was reading, 'I'd appreciate it if you helped me with this.'
'I'm not sure where to start,' Lucifer answered honestly, overwhelmed by the sheer number of books to choose from. Vennifer regarded him for a moment, almost appearing suspicious of whether he was telling the truth or playing with her. Then a smile rose to her lips, which to Lucifer only meant one thing: a sarcastic comment was coming.
'Well…you pick up a book, open it, then read.'
Lucifer smiled at that, adoring how she was now looking at him, his heart fluttering in his chest.
'Which would you recommend?'
'Ideally one that deals with strange eyeless monsters that seem to die like we do.'
Or, one that deals with a voice that chooses whether to answer you, Lucifer considered in his mind, keeping that to himself. He paused while something stirred within him, causing him to frown.
You were so talkative before. Why won't you speak to me?
Again, no response came to him before he realised Vennifer was frowning at him, responding to his change in mood. Lucifer closed his eyes and shook his head, shrugging, before turning his gaze to the stacked floors of shelves behind her.
'It's nothing,' he said, hoping that would address the change. 'I'm just thinking…'
'What about?'
Lucifer held himself, wondering the same thing.
'There's a lot I don't understand,' he admitted, knowing that he was in dangerous territory. 'When I started this dream, I thought it was going to be simple. I would show humanity that I was stronger than it, before forcing the Divinity to face me and we'd battle to decide the future of this world. Yet, all I've done is interrupt a protest and visit a human Dreamhouse, before fighting those things…whatever they were…'
'Are you doubting your dream?' Vennifer asked, drawing Lucifer's gaze as the voice stirred. It gave him pause as he wondered if questioning his mission was forcing it to respond, figuring this was an opportunity. Lucifer continued down this route.
'No,' he said to Vennifer. 'I will never give up on my dream. Even if I fail. I would rather die knowing that I gave everything until the end. Though many things confuse me. I'm struggling to understand what I should do.'
'Have you told Hela any of this?' Vennifer asked, causing Lucifer's expression to darken.
'No. I don't trust her, Ven.'
'But you trust me?'
'Of course I do,' Lucifer replied, speaking as though that were obvious. However, he realised he was about to walk into one of Vennifer's traps. She was always good at that, luring you in with simple questions before flipping everything back onto you. Lucifer looked into her eyes, sure he saw the cold calculation that she often employed against him.
'Then why won't you listen to me?' she asked him, her words containing the edge that closed around his neck. 'If you really trusted me, why can't you accept I can tell something is wrong with you? That there's something you're not telling me.'
Vennifer paused, her face hardening in anger. Lucifer recognised that she'd been holding back, waiting for the opportunity, knowing he wouldn't say anything. His mind turned blank, his body stirring in fear and pain. Lucifer despised it when he became like this, remembering the weak child who did the same thing anytime anyone ever addressed him on something.
All you do is stand in silence, pathetic, unable to speak. Coward…
Lucifer wanted to run, watching as Vennifer opened her mouth to continue. She stopped herself then as her face relaxed.
'I'm sorry, Luci,' she said, appearing more ashamed as she stroked her hair back. 'It's just…' She sighed then, eyeing him wearily, revealing the tiredness Lucifer knew she'd been hiding. 'It's just…every single time we get close, you push me away. I don't know if you love me, hate me, or wish that I didn't exist. I'm not trying to hurt you, but I need to understand. Please, can you tell me what's wrong? What is it you're not telling me?'
Everything, Lucifer thought, frustrated at his inability to even say that single word. Still, he remained silent as he regarded her, tension rising to his face as he squeezed his fists.
'I wish I could tell you,' he said, surprised the words were leaving his lips. Emotion threatened to take control, coming from somewhere he never understood.
'You can,' Vennifer said, saying the words he least wanted to hear. 'It's just us. Take as long as you need. I'll wait and—'
'No! You don't understand, Ven!' Lucifer snapped. 'Every single time I'm around you, I get these feelings. Revulsion, desire, so many more. I don't understand how these feelings fuse with one another. My head makes little sense. The only thing that does is my dream. That is why I must pursue it.'
'But by running away, nothing changes,' Vennifer said, rising to her feet. 'It's part of who you are, Luci. It's part of who we are.'
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
'No. We can change. We can—'
'Only change so much, Luci,' Vennifer said softly, stepping around her desk towards him. 'It still doesn't change that we're Hateful. You will always be Lucifer, and I'll always be Vennifer. Our condition will always be there, no matter how we grow or change.'
Vennifer stepped within arm's reach, while Lucifer fought to ignore the temptation to reach out to her, to touch her, to confront the thing that he feared most. As though to emphasise this, he noticed Vennifer glance down to his twitching hands, realising this before smiling.
'You can touch me, Luci,' she said, taking another step towards him. 'I don't mind…'
But I do…because we both understand what that would mean…
Yet, Lucifer lifted his left hand towards her, entering the space between them as they stared at each other, transfixed.
Could I? Could I allow myself to go down this path?
Lucifer noticed that his hand was trembling, fuelling him with shame as he glanced at her face, seeing understanding and calm.
I should be stronger. I should be better than this…
Yet, before he even understood what was happening, his fingers trickled across her hair, brushing it back as his lips parted in amazement. A shiver flowed through his spine while his head throbbed in pain.
Why am I like this? Why can't I be something more?
Because there is only one way that will happen, the voice replied within, causing Lucifer to freeze as he held his breath. Because nothing will ever change unless you do.
You deliberately kept silent, Lucifer realised, growing cold as he stared towards Vennifer, feeling detached from his own body. You wanted me to go through all of this.
Yes, the voice answered, filling him with clarity. You would not listen to me until you understood. Until you felt what once guided my actions. The chaos all around you is infectious, and she's part of that. They all are, humans and Hateful. If you let them, they'll swallow you and spit you back out until your life is nothing more than constant suffering, intermixed with occasional glimpses of pleasure. You can change that. You can change this accursed world. However, in order to do that, you must continue on your path, pursue the dream. I promise you we will save your race, and that I can help you make sense of the world.
How? Lucifer asked, watching as Vennifer leaned towards him.
We force our will upon it. The voice answered before Vennifer's lips touched his. The voice disappeared then, along with all the chaos, as Lucifer closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the kiss. Lust. Desire. Love. Freedom. Everything rushed through him. By the time they parted, Lucifer was left stunned, unable to comprehend. Vennifer looked peaceful, relieved. As they stared at each other, Lucifer took an involuntary step back.
'I'm so sorry,' he gasped, his eyes widening as he glanced down to his hands and back at Vennifer, wondering how she appeared so peaceful.
'I'm so sorry,' Lucifer repeated, as chaos enveloped him. For a moment, Lucifer felt as though something were gripping his throat, suffocating him. All the while, Vennifer smiled, the same warm smile that part of him adored. She looked so beautiful when she smiled like that. It was one of the pleasures Lucifer appreciated more than anything.
'I'm not,' Vennifer eventually said, speaking so that Lucifer knew she meant it. 'I wanted that…'
So did I, Lucifer thought, amazed at this realisation. He turned before making his way towards the spiral staircase.
'Luci!' Vennifer said, stopping him as he reached the staircase and turned to face her. She hadn't moved a step.
'Why can't we just find happiness in each other?' she asked. 'Why do you need this dream?'
'Because I'm not good enough for you,' Lucifer said, unable to believe the words as they spilled from him. 'I'm broken, Ven. My mind is constant contradictions and emotions. I don't want to drag you down with me! I'd rather be alone.'
'But we both know that isn't true, Luci. You love me, and I'll be the judge of whether you're good enough for me. I'm not your father.'
Everything stopped within Lucifer then, causing his mouth to drop open. All he could hear was the voice's laughter.
She said it, it said, relishing. Because that's where this comes from, doesn't it? You want to be better because you don't want to become like him. You don't want her or your kind to share the same fate. That's why we share the same dream, Lucifer. That's why we must pursue it.
Shut up, Lucifer replied, still standing stunned as he watched Vennifer walk towards him, sadness washing across her face.
'I know you never wanted me to mention him,' she whispered, sounding regretful. 'But Luci, I know that's why you're afraid of being yourself around me. You judge yourself so harshly, and you think everyone else is doing the same. However, I don't care what you think of yourself, or who you think you're supposed to be. I care about you as you are. I don't want you to be anything else.'
'But I do, Ven,' Lucifer stammered, shaking as he fought to hold back his tears. Pain twisted him, causing him to glance at his hands.
'I hate myself,' he whispered, before nodding in clarity. 'I hate everything that I am. That is why I pursue my dream. That is why I won't give you the affliction that is me.'
Lucifer spun on his heels and climbed the spiral staircase.
So you've made your choice, the voice said, speaking as though it knew he would. Let us continue in our dream. I want you to hunt down members of the Council, force them to swear allegiance to your rule. Should they refuse, kill them.
Lucifer said nothing, nodding, hatred engulfing his every thought as he quickened his pace.
I will make them pay. I will not stop until no other Hateful feels like this…