The ride was slow and rough. I’d never been further than Kudzu, where my aunt and cousins lived, and certainly never anywhere far enough south to face cold weather.

  In the winter Wisteria was chilly. It was cold enough to warrant a heavier blanket than fall or spring, but it was never anything to be concerned about. No one worried about succumbing to the cold weather or getting sick.

  Datura was far enough south to get snow in droves, something I had rarely seen. It was one of the things I was looking forward to, along with his country estate. Notti Manor, while relatively secluded, was still in the city. It was only a twenty-minute walk to get to the bustling heart of everything. Nin-Datura Manor was all but hidden in the forest that surrounded the town.

  I couldn’t imagine a marquis of such a small area had much in the way of duties, but I could be wrong. I hoped I was wrong; I desperately needed something to do.

  “Hyran.” I looked away from the window, tearing my eyes away from the slowly dying branches. Putra was holding out a bun. “Are you hungry yet?”

  “No, not yet.” I lifted my leg up, stretching, grateful for the heavy pants I’d packed. “I can wait until we stop at an inn tonight.”

  He frowned, taking a bite for himself. “You haven’t been eating much since we got moving. Are you still nervous about having a husband?”

  “Yes, but not for the reasons you think.” Mom and Everlee had trained all of us well on the ins and outs of married life. Language, arts, math, politics—we knew everything for being a good viscount, now marquis, and wife. I could do it and do it well, so that wasn’t a problem.

  “Then what is it? Or are you not ready to talk yet?”

  “You’d say what I’m thinking is stupid.”

  “I think a lot of what you say is stupid.”

  “Then you’ll think I’m insane.” I picked at my fingernails, looking back out the window. “I was thinking of showing them. My curse.”

  If silence could speak, this one would be screaming. Putra didn’t have to say anything for me to know his thoughts on the matter. It was stupid, it was deadly, it was dangerous. It wasn’t safe. It was enough of a scandal when the guards found out when I was a kid. Telling a house of new people that I transform every full moon into the last animal I saw was pushing it.

  A year ago, I would have never suggested it. I would have continued on, scoping out a room to transform in and hiding myself away. But over the last few months, I’d been inching toward a tentative neutrality with it. I let myself be afraid instead of trying to convince myself I was fine. I let myself feel every part of the transformation—the pain, the exhaustion, the clumsiness.

  I couldn’t deny that it was dangerous, but now that I’d been exploring myself and my curse it felt different. I felt like I could do it and live with everyone knowing. I would have thought he would be a bit more understanding, having been the one to help me control my transformations all these years.

  Putra sat up, his bun forgotten. “You remember what happened when we were kids,” he said. “Do you want that to happen again?”

  “Of course, I remember, and no, I don’t. I just think that maybe something could be different. Maybe they’d be different.”

  “No one is that different,” he muttered.

  “You’re that different.” He looked back to me, relaxing his hands. “You protected me when everyone else tried to hurt me. Maybe there will be someone like that here.” If Muin was like that, maybe the staff would follow suit. At the very least, they might just keep their mouths shut and leave me be. It’d be lonely, but I’d be free.

  Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!

  “I’m not the one to be looking at as an example. What I saw was someone in pain and scared, something I knew a lot about. Everyone else just saw something different to fear. Think about it.” He held up his hand as I went to reply. “Do you think it’s worth the gamble?”

  I crossed my arms and leaned back, looking at the roof, and closing my eyes. I hated when he was right. It would be better for everyone if I didn’t say anything. Well, better for them if I didn’t. I would still be the same, sitting alone in a room, praying to Solas I wouldn’t be found.

  <><><><><>

  We bounced from inn to inn, never staying longer than the night. Checking in hours after the sun fell and Putra shaking me away before the sun fully rose to make sure I got back to the carriage in time. After the fourth night of this, I desperately wished we had a true travel carriage. One with a bed as well as a seat. After the ninth night, I refused to wake up.

  “Putra, I’m in no rush to make it to Nin-Datura Manor. I know we want to make good time, which we have, but if you wake me up before the sun has even had an hour in the sky, I will maul you the next full moon.”

  He rolled his eyes, huffing. “You’re so dramatic.”

  “And I need at least another hour of sleep to not be. Shoo.” I rolled over, pulling the blanket further over my head. I wouldn’t actually maul him. Probably. Wouldn’t even be the first time if I did.

  A little under an hour later, I got up without needing a wakeup call. I stared out the window, wishing I was back home. No one would miss me, but I missed them already. I missed everything about it, even if I wasn’t happy. It was familiar and known and as I got up to get dressed, I was moving closer to the unknown.

  I tried to convince myself this was a good opportunity. That I could start over without all of the stigma and throw myself into my role as a marquess. I pulled the curtains shut, looking around the room I could have mistaken for any of the inns we’d stayed in the last week.

  There were small differences for each one. Like the first one that had a beautiful flower garden in the front or the fourth one that served an enormous breakfast of pancakes, biscuits, and toast having their own farmland to harvest from.

  This one, as we moved closer to Datura, had thick, heavy blankets in each room for when the winters months came. The walls were thicker than the ones I was used to, sturdier and coated with some kind of lacquer that made them shiny.

  Putra had a hand raised to knock as I opened the door. He looked surprised as he said, “Good morning, my lady. I didn’t expect you to be up.”

  “Morning, Putra. And I can’t imagine why.” I closed the door behind me as we walked to the dining hall. “I told you I just needed an hour.”

  “I know,” he said, side eyeing me. “But you like to hang out in bed when you can. Can’t blame me for being suspicious.”

  “Under normal circumstances, sure. But right now, we have somewhere to be. While I know we can spare some time before getting in the road, especially since our horses need to rest, I also know that I can’t drag my feet as much as I would like to.”

  He was quiet, nodding. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think a wizard was mimicking you right now.”

  “Eat shit.”

  “Ah, there she is.” He sighed in relief, laying a hand over his heart. “Welcome back, my lady.”

  I shoved him and he stumbled, laughing.

  The rest of the trip went smoothly, Putra deciding it was better to let me have the extra hour of rest rather than deal with me being grumpy during the day.

  As we got closer to my new home, the more I thought about telling everyone when I arrived. It would be better to ease them into it, talk about shapeshifting and get an idea of what they thought about it. Figure out a plan and follow through.

  I hadn’t mentioned it to Putra yet, knowing that he would follow my lead no matter what, even if he thought it was a terrible idea.

  I was still teetering on the edge of decision when the last night of the trip came, and Putra held me in his hands. I was a small sparrow, my heart fluttering hard against my ribcage. I stared out the carriage window at the full moon I bound myself to.

  My clothes were on the floor, though Putra spread them out as best he could so they wouldn’t be crumpled when I changed into them in the morning. He said nothing as he leaned back against his seat. He wouldn’t sleep tonight. He would stay awake, making sure no one saw me as I was and keeping me safe in my fragile state.

  If I could have sighed, I would have. I didn’t need Putra to tell me what I needed to do. It would be easier, better, and safer for me to remain quiet. To find a room for Putra to guard while I entertained myself and hid away from everyone. I would always be vulnerable in this state.

  I ruffled my feathers, pushing further into his warm hands.