I always knew I was a bit weird...or "special" as my mom would phrase it.

  I first had this realization when I was 6.

  My mom, busy trying to distract me from my hunger while we waited for the pizza to cook, brought out a deck of cards to teach me “Go Fish”.

  On the first round…

  “I want your 7 cards” I asked, as her jaw dropped to the floor.

  “How did you know I had 7 cards?!” she asked while looking around to see if her cards were being reflected anywhere.

  “It is written in the square above the cards. You have two red sevens, one five, one two, and….I can’t tell what the other ones are.”

  “Kian, is this about the imaginary friend square thing again?”

  This is not the first time I had seen a square pop up above an item. They had always been there for as long as I could remember although it had become increasingly common as I learned more words and numbers. Even now as I stared at the oven, I saw a floating square above the pizza.

  [14:30] [14:31] [14:32] the number kept changing.

  “What square? Where is it this time?” She asked again with a voice of incredibility, skepticism, concern and indulgence.

  “This one” I said as I touched the floating grey square above her cards.

  [red 7, red 7, 5, 2,]

  I still remember how proud I felt that I could read the word "red" without having to sound it out, while also feeling a sense of growing discomfort as my mom continued to stare at me silently with her head cocked to the side.

  It was at this moment I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t have said anything about the floating windows. Was I playing Go Fish wrong? Isn’t this how I am supposed to know which cards to ask for? Why was she only guessing cards that I didn’t have?

  Just then the pizza timer beeped.

  Mom didn’t bring it up again and I also decided not to bring it up again since the reaction was not exactly positive.

  I planned to bring it up the next time someone mentioned seeing the squares which I later would call “attribute windows” but 6 years later and no one had ever mentioned anything like a square or attribute window.

  The windows became a secret part of my life, telling me things no one else would know and even if I wanted to remain ignorant and ordinary I didn’t know how to make them stop anyhow.

  Unfortunately, this means I couldn’t find the fun in most cards and board games.

  This memory flashed through my head in an instant as my cousin and classmate, Joe, asked me if I wanted to join in on a round of card games as we waited for class to start again.

  “No, that’s alright” I said as I watched him deal out the cards.

  The attribute window characteristics had grown in complexity since 6 years prior. I could now see all the details of each card as well as the attributes of the people holding them.

  [10 black diamond, red ace of hearts…., player’s heart rate is elevated, chance of lying about hand is 75%]

  Of course, I knew he was lying since I knew his hand. I am sure I would make great money in Vegas. I thought as I smirked to myself. But, where’s the fun in that? Where is the meaning in anything I do when I already have the answers?

  To be honest, although I should have been enjoying my first year in middle school and making the most of this opportunity to learn and grow, everything already felt tedious. I still had to study for tests but there were plenty of times when the attribute window was akin to cheating after I had learned a topic. Japanese…math…vocabulary…everything was easily recallable after learning it once.

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  No struggle, no challenge. I missed that feeling. I missed feeling proud of doing something really, really hard and knowing I had to give something my all to overcome obstacles, especially that feeling of being broken down and rebuilding oneself from scratch.

  Yawning and laying my head on my arms on my desk I closed my eyes. 5 minutes later I woke up groggily to the sound of shouting over the card game.

  Through blurry eyes I squinted at the card game table, staring at the [winner] attribute box over Joe. I was about to close my eyes again when I saw something I had never seen before—a small yellow triangle that pointed out the classroom door. I blinked my eyes several times, rubbing and checking to see if there was something in my eye.

  The triangle reminded me of a pointer used in a video game to show where another character is and in the same way it changed angle slightly as I shifted my head. What the…. I jumped out of my seat. “I am going to the restroom” I forced out nonchalantly as I quickly moved to the door.

  Now that I felt more awake, I realized that the yellow triangle had an attribute window as well.

  [Three calls for help, 500 m]

  I quickened my pace to a speed walk on the verge of a run as I turned down the school stairs and attempted to look as inconspicuous and confident as possible, exiting the building. I looked around but could not see or hear any immediate people in need of assistance.

  Wait… there were some. As I stared at the bridge above the canal next to the school, I heard the sounds of distance laughter and a quiet mewing sound. Three boys were playing catch with a lumpy pillowcase. I stopped and stared not grasping what game I was watching until with a sinking feeling I saw the description above the pillowcase.

  [3 Kittens, Breed: calico, Age: 3 months]

  No, they couldn’t be. Why?! I thought as my senses and common sense collided. How could they possibly think this is ok, do people actually do these sorts of things?!

  I clenched my fists. “Hey!” I shouted in as much mustered bravado as I could afford.

  The boys glanced over at me with amused expressions.

  “Hey, you bored too, wanna join?” one of the boys taunted cheekily as he dropped the pillowcase onto his foot. The pillowcase dangled on his foot with a kitten on each side. I heard the kittens mewing and hoped I could save them before any further damage was done.

  “Put them down” I said firmly.

  “Alright, alright, some people are no fun. What’s the harm? Nobody wanted to buy these and it’s fun to play with them because their little claws will get you through the pillowcase if you don’t pass them fast enough”.

  Before I knew it, a queasy, sinking feeling washed over me as I sensed what would happen next and then endured watching it in slow motion. The boy whose foot was starting to shake as it fatigued shouted “Here you go” and kicked his leg in my direction but because of the lopsided nature of the bag it flopped over the edge of the bridge and landed in the canal.

  “Oh sh**!” the boys laughed and giggled as they took off running in the other direction without a tinge of apparent remorse or regret. If I had the time, I would have liked to look at their attribute windows to see if they truly were that devoid of empathy but instead, I ran along the canal pulling off my school jacket and throwing off my shoes. I looked at the water.

  [44 degrees F, Depth: 6 feet]

  This was going to suck. I took a deep breath and jumped as close to the pillowcase as I could. Immediately, I let out a “uaaaahh uooooogh uaaaaag” as I gasped for breathe in the cold water. Before me I grimaced as I saw my own attributes.

  [Cold Shock Response Activated, Mammalian Diving Reflex Activated, Lung capacity reduced to 50%, Peripheral muscle capacity reduced to 50%, Hypothermia estimated in 7 minutes]

  I am an idiot. No cap, vibing on zero IQ today. Will I even make it on time? Literally risking my life for these kittens right now. Thought I was slick, but now my trash decision skills got me auditioning for a Darwin award at 12.

  I violently fought the sense of rising panic as I flailed my limbs as much as I could towards the pillowcase urging my seizing muscles and lungs to function properly. Just get this over and get out. I thought over and over as my teeth clenched and chattered.

  Fortunately, the pillowcase was lightweight; I could see the kittens struggling to stay afloat under the cotton. Unfortunately, I knew they didn’t have much time.

  [Kitten fatigue: 80% 81% 82%... Hypothermia: 5 mins.]

  In a couple of strides I reached them and tried to dangle the pillowcase on my head. I began swimming towards the edge but the walls were muddier and more slippery than I imagined.

  [mud (slit, clay), temperature 50 degrees F, density 8.6 parts per gram]

  Wow thanks…. a lot….. I already…. know …..the mud is….. cold ….and slippery. I pulled my eyes away from the window as I exerted any remaining mental energy on trying to remain calm and look for a good hand hold to get out of the canal.

  [5 mins. until you reach hypothermia, 3 mins. until kittens reach hypothermia]

  About 10 ft. away was some long grass, I swam towards it and grab onto it. I felt it as the roots released themselves and I began sliding down again. With frozen, unresponsive fingers I tore at the other grass. This time it held. With one hand I gently yeeted the pillowcase as far as I could muster onto the grass and briefed a sigh of relief when I heard a small “Mew!”

  [3 kittens, hypothermia in 2 more minutes at current state]

  Don’t worry kittens, I will warm you up soon. But as soon as I had that thought my grasp began to weaken and I began sliding again. With adrenaline pulsing I began tearing at the ground but like a quickly moving treadmill I began losing ground.

  Sorry kittens, I was trying to help... I thought as I continued to slide down the slope.

  I felt a yank on my arm as a shocked and surprised teacher pulled me out of the canal.