I didnt care.

  The thought replayed in her head like a wagon wheel spinning on its axis.

  I don’t care.

  Why don’t I care? Should I care?

  Lioren stood by the door, loosely clutching the towel to her chest as beads of water dripped from her hair in a dull halo around her feet. One by one. Drip. Drip. Drip. Her chest rose and fell in steady beats as the same thoughts echoed in her head. Like Tomas repeating the punch line of a corny joke because she didn’t laugh the first time.

  I don’t care.

  Lioren pivoted on the ball of her foot and went back to her tub. The steamy air, once a warm blanket, was now phantom fingers coiling around her skin. It was too hot here. The walls felt too close and her body felt like nothing more than a prison she could not escape.

  I don’t care.

  Tighter and tighter it squeezed until Lioren felt like a wound spring ready to snap. She could feel Mira’s constricting embrace like an oil on her skin. Lioren dropped her towel and dunked her hands into the water, hoping to scrub away the residue of her friend's care. Scrubbing turned to scratching.

  I don’t care.

  Scratching turned to clawing as her skin seemed to shrink over her bones. Tighter and tighter, until she was sure her bones would split her perfect pale skin. Her bandage fell into the water, smears of blood marring the white cotton. Sweat, mixed with water, began to slide over her body as her fingers were coming away tinged with red but the tightness refused to let go.

  Why don’t I fucking care!?

  Lioren let out a scream as she turned and smashed a mirror with her fist. A thousand cuts sliced across her knuckles as the shards cascaded to the ground in a silver shower. The fragments danced on the stone before falling still. Each one perfectly angled so she could see a thousand tiny reflections of herself. Cold, still, and unfeeling reflections. She stood, amongst the shards, breathing heavily, arms and chest scratched raw and now her hand, dripping blood in tandem with the water dripping from her hair.

  Drip. Drip. Drip.

  Lioren stood facing the door Mira had closed behind her. Her towel was loosely wrapped around her chest as she took a deep breath. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. She pivoted on the ball of her foot and headed back to her tub. She closed the divider behind her and unplugged the tub to let it drain. She took her time dressing in her travel clothes, taking extra care to tighten her bandage. Once she gathered her things, Lioren headed back to their room.

  The hallway was dim as the cool hush of dawn still blanketed the inn. Lioren’s steps were near silent as she approached their door. She twisted the handle with a soft click and the door swung open with a loud groan. Tomas’, who was in the middle of dressing, started in surprise and tried to cover himself up as the door swung wide. Lioren stood in the doorway with an appreciative smirk as she leaned against the door frame. Her eyes snapped to every bend, every muscle and every length as Tomas struggled to fit his foot in his pants.

  “L-Lio!” he stammered, fumbling to put one leg in his pants and stumbling as his foot caught on a twist in the pant leg. “Gods, give a man a warning!”

  Lioren’s smirk deepened as she let the door close behind her before crossing her arms and leaning against it. She was to be the only audience at this surprise show.

  “You—” Tomas pointed at her with a bare, well defined arm, cheeks already bright red, “—are enjoying this way too much.” He had finally gotten both legs in his pants and was tying off the laces to keep them sitting snug on his hips.

  She tilted her head, clearly not denying it. She bit her lip, her eyes hungrily taking in the last of his skin before he grabbed his shirt.

  “You’re impossible,” he grumbled, finally yanking his shirt over his head and scrubbing a hand through his already-messy hair. He didn’t meet her eyes, but a crooked smile crept across his face. Then, quieter, a little more confident.

  “If you were that eager for a look, you could’ve just asked.”

  Lioren pushed away from the door with a stride to her bed where she tossed her belongings onto the sheets. “I don't know Tomas, red seems like a good color on you.” She flashed him a sly smile and he froze mid motion as he tugged his shirt into place, trying to mask his fluster. His eyes flicked to her, catching the curve of her smile, and the way she didn’t look away.

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  “I—uh—” He blinked, then gave a helpless little huff of a laugh. “You’re really leaning into this whole newfound confidence thing, huh?”

  He scratched at the back of his neck, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth despite himself. “Not that I’m complaining, but I’m starting to wonder if I hit my head harder than I thought back in that clearing.” His eyes widened before narrowing in mock suspicion. “Did near-death just turn you into someone who flirts now? Is that the secret? Almost die and come back sassier?”

  Lioren rolled her eyes but could not help but laugh. She looked back at him, laughing with her, so carefree, so… Tomas. She gave him a shrug and picked her bag up off the floor and set it on the bed to start packing. She paused, seeming to ruminate on the question.

  “Maybe dying just reminds you what’s worth wanting,” she said softly, smoothing a hand over her bandaged arm. Her smile was slow, calculated. She threw a mischievous glance at Tomas with a quick pass up and down his body. “And what’s fun to look at.”

  She met his gaze without flinching, eyes unreadable. Her voice was even. Cool. Not teasing. Not warm. Just... fact. Then she turned her back to him and began unbuckling the outer straps of her bag, the moment already discarded like it meant nothing.

  “Gods Lio, you’re gonna be the death of me.” He smiled back, his usual lopsided smile he wore when he spoke to her. The one that made her feel as if she was normal for wanting to sit back while everyone else went about their lives. Like she was normal for always watching and rarely speaking. Like she was someone worth smiling at.

  “Seriously, though. You keep that up, and I’ll start thinking I’m the lucky one here.” He crossed the space between them, trying for lightness. But something in his eyes flickered, for just a beat too long. He leaned against the bedpost, his arms crossing as his voice lowered.

  “...You feeling alright?” His tone was gentle, still teasing, but quieter now. Threads of concern lingered on his face as his green eyes scanned her face for any abnormality. Lioren’s body stilled, as if it was a predator that had just been seen. Her hands paused, mid fold of her nightshirt. Only a brief pause, but the tension in her body coiled. She recognized that tone, the shift of his posture. He used it before when they had first met. When the allure of the quiet girl who knew how to hunt and how to kill was too much for his curiosity.

  Once upon a time, she would have welcomed his probing. But now, she couldn’t let him. She didn’t know what he might find when she didn’t even know what lay underneath. She didn’t know how deep the poison had gone, only knew that it twisted something almost to the point of snapping. Lioren knew it was wrong. So she smiled. The kind of smile she had never worn before the fever. The one that looked like it belonged to someone who wasn’t afraid of being seen.

  “Do I look unwell to you?” She asked, meeting his gaze as she stepped closer, one hand outstretched to rest on his arm. “Or is that concern an excuse to get close after your little show?” Her eyes snapped to his waist before jumping back to his eyes. Her voice was quiet, dripping with confidence she didn’t feel. Tomas’ cheeks flushed as he laughed, running a hand over his face as if he wanted to wipe away the redness.

  “Okay, okay. Damn.” He looked down with a chuckle. “I walked into that one, huh?” His eyes traced again over her face and then down to her hand, still resting on his arm. His eyes darkened as bad memories replayed in his head at the sight of her bandage.

  “Hey.” Lioren raised her other hand to his face, tracing the line of his cheek with her thumb. “Don’t think about what happened. I’m here, and I’m okay.” She whispered, closing the gap between them until their foreheads pressed together. His eyes closed at her touch. He exhaled slowly, like he'd only just remembered how.

  “You almost weren’t.” His voice was low, hoarse at the edges. “I thought I was going to lose you before I ever got to know you.” His skin was warm beneath hers as he took another shaky breath. “This doesn’t feel real. Not after all the blood, the silence or the times I begged you to just breathe.” His arms wrapped around her in an embrace that seemed more than just to comfort him. It was a physical act to solidify that this moment was real, and yesterday was the nightmare. Lioren returned the embrace, her head turned so it rested just above his heart. A little quick, but strong and steady.

  “You have no idea how scared I was. How helpless…” His voice trailed off and his arms tightened around her, almost uncomfortably so. At first, Lioren didn’t speak. Her eyes stared at the far wall as his heart beating against her cheek. She counted. He needed her to say something kind. Something true and reassuring. If only she could find where kindness an assurance were hidden. So instead, she closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest.

  “Then don’t let go.” She mumbled, and squeezed her arms into his back. Tomas gave an airy laugh and kissed the top of her head.

  “Never.”

  They stood there, locked in their own moment until a loud stomach growl resonated between them. They both laughed and pulled apart. Tomas’ hand lingered briefly on the side of her neck, his thumb tracing her jawbone. His eyes searched hers before slowly, leaning closer. His lips brushed hers before kissing her. A new hunger stirred in Lioren’s belly. This was something she wanted, something she needed. And it was gone as soon as it came. Tomas pulled away, his lopsided grin returned.

  “Breakfast?”

  You? Yes please! She bit her lip to stop from throwing herself at him. She looked up at him with a small smile and nodded at the door.

  “I’ll catch up.” With a nod, he turned to leave, stopping only to put his boots on.

  “Don’t take too long. Mira might eat yours and I don’t know if we are close enough for me to share my food.” He beamed a cheeky smile and Lioren turned back to her packing, eyes rolling so far she was surprised she couldn’t see her brain. The door opened and closed behind her and then silence was her only company. She huffed to herself as she folded her night shirt and then her bottoms.

  That was easy.