I grew tired of watching Oda shower Bongani with unearned affection. With a burning jealousy in my gut I turned. Still though that excitement buried beneath it vexed me. A storm of emotions in my chest as I had also been rejected completely for the first time. I’d never even heard of a woman not ying with another. Forced to leave Bongani behind I followed my nose to wherever the scent of food was coming from.

  A line of men and women waited for their meals as some sort of fermented food was handed out. I passed them, they were smaller than me and I was immediately met with shouts and protests. I ignored them as I approached the food at the front.

  Haloor ran in front of me and put hands against my chest. “Aphelele, please.”

  “I’m hungry, I’m getting my food.” I put my hands on her much slimmer shoulders and started to move her out of the way but she dug in.

  “That is not our way here. Everyone eats one at a time. We don’t have castes here. No one eats first. Even Oda waits in line.” Haloor pressed harder against me trying to urge me to take a step back.

  I grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her ears to my mouth. “I just watched your Oda take my mate from me while I am here. The one person I have been given by my cn to travel with me and remember my ways. Get out of the way before I hurt you.” I pulled to throw her to the side when a spear was pressed against my open chest.

  Haloor grabbed my arm and looked at me with begging eyes. “You aren’t with your cn. Let me go or you will not be allowed to eat.”

  I growled as I looked at the warriors around me ready to stop me in my quest. I let go of Haloor, “I’ve lost my appetite. There is too much weakness around me.” I brushed the spears off my skin and headed out of the vilge. Sick to my stomach.

  There was no training ring. No areas for rexed bathing. Their drinking water was even guarded and I was given just a small amount to sate my thirst. When I went for another a spear was used to stop me. “We understand that Oda has vouched for you. No one gets more than allowed. You can come back around when the moon is in the sky.”

  I could break them. I could push past the spear and leave them shattered before me. It would put Bongani at risk. I needed his skill in gathering as I learned to hunt. I looked for the biggest collection of stones and approached them. I growled deep in my stomach as I gripped the stone in my arms and lifted.

  My body shook with the effort as I raised the chest wide stone up. I rotated it up to even with my chin and pushed towards the sky. Slowly the stone was above my head and I smmed it back down with a thud. I screamed at the stone. It was the only thing I was allowed to dominate right now. The stripped cn stepped in and stopped me from my rightful pce. A sorceress ciming my rightful mate. My own mother stopped me from being what I was supposed to be.

  My eyes blurred as a lump formed in my throat. I grabbed the stone once more and lifted it again. Smming it into the ground with a scream. Fshes of Melokuhle and Aphiwe entered my mind. Holding them to my chest and being with them. The feeling of being where I belonged filling my chest for the first time robbed from me. I love you too.

  I smmed my fists into the stone until my knuckles split open. I channeled healing into my body and kept attacking the stone. “Aphelele?” I stopped and whipped around. My ears back and my teeth bared. Haloor stood there, her own ears back at the sudden threat. A bowl y in her hands. The pungent smell of fermentation in the air.

  I took deep heaving breaths as I tried to bring myself to calm down. Hot tears ran down my cheeks and I wiped at them as my anger roared in my chest. The desire to just pin Haloor down and ravage her to an inch of her life for denying me earlier. The desire to take my frustrations out on her body until I was calm flowed into my chest.

  “I brought you your food.” She held the bowl out to me. My stomach roared loudly in betrayal.

  I raised my hand to smack it out of hers and take her but I stilled. That ache in my chest was there, eating away at the anger so I took the bowl and slumped down sitting and staring at the mush. There were words that I should say. Ones that would be expected more and more while I am away from the cn. “Thank you,” I forced out as I scooped a few fingers of mush and put them in my mouth.

  Haloor knelt next to me and I tensed. Her hands snaked into my hair and rubbed up my ears gently. I felt the weight of the st day finally hit me. The tears came as I forced more food into my mouth. It tasted foul. It had no fat or juice. No tang of blood hidden in the meat. The tears came faster as I set the empty bowl down and turned to Haloor. Head lowered.

  Arms wrapped around my head and I was pulled into Haloor’s bosom. Her hands pyed with my hair and ears as I started to shake. Silently weeping as I was lowered onto my side. Kept in Haloor’s arms as I wrapped arms around her chest and held onto her like my life depended on it. My tears wet her chest as everything in me raged like a storm.

  Desperate to feel anything else I looked up and pulled Haloor into a kiss. My tears were wet and a flood of information filled my mind. The instinct that had been given to me by Hathor. Haloor was willing but only because I was hurting. Not because she wanted it. It would be forced, empty. There would be no passion. Only pity.

  I pushed her away and sat up. I held my knees to my chest as a feeling of being lost rolled around in me. I looked away from her. “I don’t need your pity.” I growled. My arms tightened as I curled in on myself.

  “I don’t p-” Haloor started.

  “Liar! I can feel it! My ascension lets me know what people want with a kiss! I could feel that it would only be pity in your heart!” I stood walking away from her. I whirled on her, my body tensing. “I don’t need pity! I need strength! How am I ever going to be strong enough to face Ade for a pce back in my cn! Take back MY Melokuhle, MY Aphiwe!”

  “Aphelele,” Haloor was calm, her hands raised and empty. “You are like a storm right now. Clouded and unable to see what you are doing to the nd. Be the calm after the storm. Seek the crity of a clear sky.”

  I seethed as I looked at her. Knowing that there was wisdom in her words. “Why didn’t you tell me that your Oda would take my mate?!”

  “I did not know. She has never shown interest in males before. She would even be secluded in her breeding weeks. We would all offer her our males but she would deny all of us. Our cn does not share mates. I never would have thought she would change that.” Haloor stood up and took a step towards me.

  “I guess I am not of your cn. I am of no one's cn! How many people will try to take what’s mine now!” I grabbed my trophy hanging on my shoulder and threw it on the ground. I grabbed the chest wrap and tore it off exposing myself to the way I should look. “I need him to grow stronger! I can use him! He gave himself to me!”

  “Please, take a deep breath Aphelele,” Haloor used my cn name and my ears fttered on my head as I growled. She paused in walking towards me for a moment before she put her hands farther out towards me approaching despite fear.

  I tensed with every step. My chest rising and falling with the conflict inside me. “I need him.” I whispered as the smaller woman finally touched my chest with her hands. Warmth spread through my skin as she wrapped herself around me.

  I stood straight and strong before I felt my fiery anger start to fade. Haloor spoke, “He will be returned to you. Tell me what Oda asked. Tell me and I will help you through it.”

  “She wanted to be bred by my Bongani. Said she wanted the strength of the spotted kin to enter your cn. I’m supposed to tell him to. I’m supposed to be there and give my mate permission to bed her. To fill her with seed. Yet she won’t let me cim her as well. What is wrong with me that she would not want to lie with me?!” I shook as I fought off the urge to hold Haloor in return.

  “I know the spotted cn has very little thoughts on ying with men and women. Men for procreation and women for pleasure. Here it is rare for women to y with one another. Those that do rarely take males into their group except to do their breeding when it is demanded of them. It is our way.” Haloor squeezed me gently.

  “But I have a cock, just like any male. Isn’t that what they want? I’m bigger than a male. More powerful, more able to provide. Why not y with me? You id with me without worry.” I finally pced a hand on Haloor’s back as she leaned a head against my chest.

  “It was exciting to y with you. I had wanted to know what a cock was like without the thoughts of breeding in mind. To be dominated in a way that no male will ever provide for me. Your power was intoxicating. The way you made me feel was like the Gods were caressing me.” Haloor looked up and cupped my face and brought me into a kiss. I could still feel that it was pity deep below her as she comforted me. As she went to continue I turned my face away. She y lips on my cheek still, more out of compassion. “I think it is a blessing that the spotted women have cocks and pussies. But you will be seen as freakish elsewhere. How long will it be before you can return to the cn?”

  “Sixty five moons. Practically a lifetime.” I closed my eyes as the kisses were gently pced on me, soothing the st of my anger. “Unless I can grow stronger than Ade and take the cn before then.” I finally wrapped both my arms around Haloor and held her tightly. “I need to y with others to gain the favor of my god. That or fight through dungeons and what they can give me. Or both.”

  Haloor slowly pushed away looking up into my eyes. “There will be people that will see you as exotic and powerful. They’ll look forward to giving you power. You will have to find a pce that can give you both. There must be a pce in the world where you can do this.”

  “I’ll find this pce. I’ll get powerful enough to get rid of Ade.” I took a deep breath, finally calm. “I just have to st until then.”