The Half Blind Raven and the Last Winter Wolf

  Chapter 8: A Morning of Work and the Following Talks

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  Tara Kerrigan

  My mind wouldn’t break away from the night before, but I still tried to distract myself with the instrument in my hands. It was back to work for the morning, and then back to school in the afternoon. That was how they had us do it for our last two years before we joined the workforce. We all got a taste of the jobs we wanted to take so we could make the choice more easily when the time came.

  I had chosen to work in the radio box, playing guitar and helping to run the transmission machines. I wasn't entirely sure of myself, but it was a better career for me than scouting with one eye or running a food shop as a terrible cook. No, I at least had half a place in the entertainment box. It was close to home too. Only about a block’s walk away.

  Speaking of it, the room was calm, but still buzzing with activity. Savion ran a movie on the big screen. It had been rotated to face outside years back. They played movies every day from dawn to dusk with speakers closest to the screen for passersby to hear. The speakers in the stadium were set up to quietly play the music that came from the box. Radios outside of the stadium often tuned into us.

  Most of the outside tuned in to listen to Andy, but there were other musicians of course. There were two other bands, both indie-pop mixes, then there was a country singer named John Ford. There were also other, less heard of groups and individuals too, but they played a lot less often. Mostly when they could and they didn’t have to work. They rotated in and out of the recording room, but Andy spent the most time in there, and sometimes I was with her. Today though, I was just running the broadcast desk and practicing for the future when I was part of her act all the time.

  As I played, the song ended. It wasn’t yet time for her next one. She signalled me for a break and I put my guitar down. I spoke into the microphone to announce the switch.

  “Give us a moment up here, folks. We’re changing out our gigs. Please welcome The King River Boys. They’ll be singing their hit song, Malcolm’s Last Drop, and perhaps a few others. Here they come now,” I said before taking my finger off of the announcer’s call button.

  The first band, composed of four players, waltzed into the room just as soon as Andy had left. They were still jabbering, not at all focused. They would need a minute to be ready. I was alright with that, but it would make me a liar, cause they definitely weren’t going to be singing within the moment.

  “How’re you doing, dear?” Andy asked as she sat down next to me.

  “I’m not thinking about it.”

  “That tells me you are, dear. Don’t worry. He’s locked up.”

  “Yeah, but he’s still in the same stadium. I wish they’d have just done him in or sent him somewhere else. Flyer City would take him. They’d put him in orange and make him tend to the cows. It’d be better than us dealing with him.”

  “Maybe, but the people have to decide what to do with him, and we’re not all of the people.”

  “I know. I just… I don’t want it… I can’t be around him.”

  “I know, dear, I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Whatever. I should focus on work. Those bozos are almost ready.”

  “Good luck with it, darling. I’ll leave you be.”

  I looked down and started the process of broadcasting them as they started singing. I heard one more sentence from Andy, and it made me smile for a second.

  “You’re doing a good job, Tara. Just keep going.”

  I whispered, “Thank you.” She walked away to go do something else. I was left with myself. Fingers ran across the board as my hands kept up with their jobs. The boys and girls started singing and that was all I had to do for a few minutes. I checked the time, calculating how much longer I had to stay sitting. It was just a half hour before I was due to leave. A half hour before lunch and an hour before I would have to go back to school.

  I still didn’t know why I still went. I’d learned everything I’d needed a very long time before. Still, I did enjoy going. Not for the learning but for seeing my friends. Liliana, Luke, Jay, and Kayla.

  Ordinarily I’d be a lot more excited to see them, but on that day, I knew my mind would be on other things. I knew they would ask me about what had happened too. I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell them, but I had to. They all deserved to know. My hope was that it wouldn’t make them think less of me. Hopefully it wouldn’t make them scared of me.

  I knew my actions wouldn’t drive away Liliana, but the other three I wasn’t sure of. The not being sure drove me crazy, and it had taken until a half hour ago to ignore that feeling. I sighed, as the feeling came back with my overthinking.

  “You’re doing a good job, dear,” Andy spoke into my ear.

  I flinched. She’d managed to get close to me without my noticing.

  “Warn me next time, please. You scared me. You almost made me screw up too,” I whispered to her.

  “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to.”

  “It’s fine. I don’t like that you’re able to though. I don’t like it that people are able to sneak up on me.”

  “Tara…” she sighed. “...you don’t need to worry about that anymore. This place is safe. You can let your guard down here.”

  “You know I’ll never believe that entirely.”

  “Yes, I do. I have trouble believing it too, sometimes. It’s hard to imagine that we could come back from the day of lights. We have though, almost. You don’t need to live as a survivor anymore.”

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  “I’ll keep living as one until I see the geese fly and the ships on the horizon.”

  “Oh, darling, don’t do that to yourself.”

  “I’m sorry, Andy, but that’s how it is.”

  “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I can’t make you comfortable here.”

  I didn’t offer her a reply to her last statement. It felt like she was fishing for sympathy. Maybe she wasn’t though, and I was just an ungrateful girl. One who was still afraid to call her what she was to me.

  “Andrea…” I whispered. “... I… don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s not your problem.”

  It wasn’t what I wanted to say or what I needed to say. It wasn’t even something worth saying. I wanted to hit myself because I couldn’t say what needed to be said. I owed Andy so much, but I couldn’t even give her what she wanted.

  “I’m still sorry, dear. I hope it gets better for you one day.” she said as she leaned over me and embraced me in a mother’s hug. I wiped a tear from my eye using my sleeve, and sucked in the liquifying mucus in my nose. She noticed, I knew, but she didn’t say anything for one reason or another. Maybe she knew I needed to just be left alone, or maybe she knew it was something she couldn’t fix. I really didn’t know. I wasn’t her. I went back to work, and waited for my time to be up.

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  The time to leave came and went, and I had left without many more words, only promising to see Andy again later in the day. Savion took over the controls and allowed me to go.

  So I went, and I took a walk through the stadium. I strolled through the halls. It was a sunny day so I didn’t have to fear walking under the open sky. I watched the buildings as I went. The vendors offered food, drinks, trinkets, tools, and a bunch of other stuff. I was heading for one of the old bars. That was still what it was, but it also served food for those who couldn’t or wouldn’t be drinking.

  After that, I’d be on to my place of education. The school itself had been built using bricks and cement as well as two clothing shops that had already existed in the stadium before. It was more like a couple of schoolhouses smushed together , but it worked for its purposes and educated the few children of the town.

  Apple trees grew around it and separated it from the housing that was around it. Sometimes, when I grew bored and everyone else was busy, I would sit up in those trees after school to read. The library had plenty of things to read, so I still kept my eyes glued to page after page. Mostly manga and popular novels from before the day of the flashes happened.

  As I walked and thought to myself, I eventually noticed that someone was jogging after me. I felt a small sense of worry, wondering if I was in trouble. I looked to face the person chasing me directly, but I saw that it was Alvaro, the Milkman.

  “Why are you following me, Milky?” I asked, stopping him.

  “I wanted to talk to you, young Raven.”

  “What about?” I questioned.

  “Perhaps we should sit down first. Where are you going to eat for lunch? I will join you.”

  “The Fry Bar. The same place me and my friends always go.”

  “Fish and chips. That sounds delicious. As I said, I will join you. We can talk inside the bar, and then I’ll let you get back to your day.”

  “What is there to talk about?” I asked, fully knowing what he wanted to talk about.

  “I think you know. You are not a fool, child.”

  “Yeah, I suppose I do. Let’s hurry up and get to Fry’s. I don’t want to wait.”

  “I’ll follow you. This stadium still confuses me sometimes, Raven.”

  “As if I know it any better.” I joked sarcastically.

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  With the bar in sight, we quickened our pace to grab seats inside before the lunch rush hit. The bar itself was lit by sunlight as it still had an open design from when it was a part of the baseball stadium scene. A second and third story had since been added to it and the bottom had been reinforced as required in order to keep it standing. The barkeep and his family lived above. They were nice people, though quiet. I still liked them.

  We sat down at the bar and the keep greeted us. The old man ordered a cider and a plate of fish and chips. I didn’t feel like having meat that day, so I just ordered myself two cheese quesadillas with green sauce.

  “So what’d you think of him, Alvaro? What wisdom are you going to tell me?”

  “I gave him a bar of chocolate as a test. He passed.”

  “YOU GAVE HIM A…” I screamed, then changed to a whisper. The bartender gave us both a stare from the interruption of the peace.

  “Sorry.” I said to him, but he didn’t respond.

  “You gave him a bar of chocolate? Did you give him gold and cane sugar too?”

  “Shush, Raven. It was a test. He didn’t want it. He truly believes that he is undeserving of anything. He tried to give the chocolate to the guard. The guard ended up taking half of it and then Griffith took a quarter of it. He only ate any of it because the first guard said that he had to.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I told him that I would give him another candy bar if he made sure Kenny ate part of his.”

  “WHY, and how much fucking chocolate do you have?!” I yelled.

  Again, the bartender looked our way with concern and annoyance.

  “Don’t scream!” he growled. “I did it because I thought he deserved it. I spoke to him and came to my own conclusions from speaking to him. My test only confirmed what I concluded.”

  “And you concluded that he’s not a disgusting, cannibal, former murderer that deserves to die.”

  “He regrets what he did, whether you believe him or not. I think you would believe him if you had a chance to speak to him though.”

  “Never. I’m not doing it.”

  “I think you should. I’ll be there with you. You won’t be alone when you see him. Take out your anger on him if you need to, but when you’re done, listen to how he responds. He’ll agree with everything you say, I guarantee it. He hates himself just as much as you hate him.”

  “Good. He should.”

  “Maybe…” Alvaro said as he took a sip of chilled cider, then he kept talking. “but maybe not. I think you need to talk to him before you decide whether or not to condemn him.”

  I slammed my hand against the bar and curled my toes in my boots. I didn’t want to say yes, but I trusted the old man. If he had an idea, it was worth listening to. He’d listened to me countless times before, after all, so maybe it was time for me to listen to him.

  “Fine. I’ll come over after the day ends. You can take me to see him, and you can explain to the guards and the stewards why I’m there when we go there.”

  “I can do that. Thank you, Raven. I think this will be good for you.”

  “I might try to kill him. You should know that.”

  “I have faith that you won’t. I believe that you will see that he isn’t the monster that his companions were.”

  “Maybe you’re crazy. Maybe you’re not. We’ll see,” I said.

  A voice called from behind my back. I looked back to see Liliana.

  “There you are, girl! What are you doing with The Milkman? Come eat with us,” she said as she waved me to the table. Luke and Kayla were already sitting, and Jay waved to me to welcome me.

  I grabbed the old man’s glass and took a sip of cider for myself. It tasted like oats and sour apples. Not too bad overall. Alvaro wasn’t able to stop me before I had already taken a sip. He looked at me with sudden shock and disgust, but I just gave him a simple response.

  “Goodbye, Alvaro. I’ll talk to you later. Oh, and thanks.”

  He shook his head in response and I smiled and walked away. I’d see him later, and maybe I’d apologize. I probably wouldn’t though. A little sip of hard cider never hurt anyone, and I was nearly an adult anyways, so no big deal.