It’s been a long couple of weeks, but Ross, Rachel, and I have finally reached the mountain peak.

  At least it feels like one. It’s really more akin to the edge of a massive octagonal crater, spanning most of Midgard at the halfway point of each Kingdom.

  The monk situated outside a monastery at the crest of our path just stares at me for a moment. “I… Recognize you.”

  [ CITIZEN TARGETED: 98 ]

  I just stare right back. “You… You do?”

  “Oh, not to worry. We’ve never met. But I’ve heard of you.”

  “Oh… What?”

  “I think you’ll find your reputation precedes you, young Mich. More than a few have passed me by, sporting the most wonderful little cold water pistols.” He seems to notice my shoulders relax. “Indeed. A wondrous little invention made possible with your, I believe, unique mix of CRAFT and Power Blessing.”

  “Is… Is it truly Unique?”

  “Ah, a mistake in phrasing on my part. If you refer to the rarity, then quite to the contrary. There are a number of ways to generate ice, and the standard Inventory can hold as much water as you can bother to gather. But to generate ice-cold water on-command from a single Common-rarity weapon equipable in a secondary slot? Usable by anyone, regardless of Attunement, CRAFT, CLASS, or even Hero status? Truly… I have never heard of such a thing.”

  I can feel my eyes bug out a little. “Really? I knew I had the local market cornered from the sales I’ve generated these last months. But I just figured it was a right-place-right-time kind of thing.”

  Mr. 98 chuckles. “I suppose it was. And is. Tell you what… You give me one of those, right here, right now, and I’ll let you right on through.”

  “Are… Are you serious?”

  “Of course.”

  “You’re just coming out and asking for a bribe?”

  His face scrunches up. “Well, if you put it like that…” He cracks a smile. “Who cares?”

  “For real?”

  “Not like you’re a Chosen or anything. The stakes for your passage are actually quite low.”

  “Huh…” I grin at him. “Alright, what color?”

  His smile widens. “How about… Black?”

  My grin falters. “Interesting…”

  “Can you not do it?”

  “Of course I can. It’s just that I’ve never gotten that particular request.”

  “Can’t imagine why… Black is quite sleek. And it absorbs heat like nobody’s business. So it’s a rather diverting thought to have such a thing generate cold water on command. Besides, that particular pallet lends itself amusingly well to pretending to shoot myself with a real gun.” He falters a bit. “But I’m getting ahead of myself. It deals no damage, correct?”

  I answer by tossing him the squirtgun I just made.

  He loses no time squeezing it into his mouth. “Oh.” He does it again. “Oh my.” Three more times. “What a wonderful sensation.”

  [ PATH QUEST COMPLETED: PRESTIGE OF THE FRIGIDLANDS ]

  At that, he waves me through.

  Ross and Rachel remain utterly nonplussed at all of this as they follow me across the borderline.

  [ PATH QUEST COMPLETE: SECOND STEP ]

  [ NEW PATH QUEST: POWER OF ICEBERG — DESCRIPTION: OBTAIN 2,097,152 XP WITHIN THE BOUNDS OF ICEBERG — FAILURE: COMPLETE WEALTH OF ICEBERG ]

  [ NEW PATH QUEST: WEALTH OF ICEBERG — DESCRIPTION: OBTAIN 2,097,152 BSD WITHIN THE BOUNDS OF ICEBERG — FAILURE: COMPLETE POWER OF ICEBERG ]

  [ NEW PATH QUEST: FAME OF ICEBERG — DESCRIPTION: VISIT AT LEAST 12.5% OF ALL CITIES AND TOWNS IN ICEBERG ]

  [ NEW PATH QUEST: THIRD STEP — DESCRIPTION: COMPLETE FAME OF ICEBERG AND EITHER POWER OF ICEBERG OR WEALTH OF ICEBERG — REWARD 1: ADVANCE TO FOURTH STEP — REWARD 2: CHILLTOPIA ACCESS ]

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  I’m slightly indignant, but mostly just happy with the way that all went. I was a little nervous about how I was gonna justify walking his path for the sake of a girl who wants nothing to do with me. Turns out, that wasn’t even an issue.

  But just as we’re walking down the other side of the mountain-equivalent, someone starts running after us from the monastery we just passed.

  It’s that guy who bitched about my buzzwords.

  I join my two friends in their nonplussedness as we wait for him to catch up. I’m tempted to Ice-Slide my ass out of this entire octagon and get to searching for my other friends. Instead, I exercise frankly more patience than I feel is justified.

  But he does, eventually, catch up. I’m taken even more aback when he runs past the monk and right up to us without even blinking at the invisible border wall.

  Bracing his hands on his knees, he seems to try and catch his breath for a moment before remembering he doesn’t need to do that anymore. “Wait, hold up a sec!”

  Something seems to click with Ross. “Oh, I remember you! You were giving our buddy Mich here a hard time about his miracle cold water thing, right?”

  The complainer winces. “I… Yeah. Yeah, I was. I had my reasons. But then I got here and passed the test and all. When I took a drink from my new favorite beverage dispenser, the monk recognized it and asked after you. That’s when I realized what we could offer each other.”

  I unfold my arms. “Meaning?”

  “If we work together, we can kick this Path Quest’s ass.”

  “I’ll ignore how sudden and strange this is for the moment. What are you proposing?”

  “I’ll be your salesman. Plan your route through Iceberg. Do all the grunt work. All you have to do is go from town to city to whatever’s next on the most efficient path, and sell your wares to the customers I line up for you. While you’re doing that, I’ll go on to the next destination. Rinse and repeat ad nauseam.”

  I re-fold my arms. “Alright, I think I see where you’re going with this. What’s your take?”

  He grins. “Half.”

  I turn and walk away.

  “Wait, wait, wait! Hold on a goddamn second. I’m offering you the deal of a lifetime here. Or at least… Damn it, I should’ve realized you didn’t have Advanced Targeting… You know that feeling you’ve all had about me isn’t just a you-thing, right?”

  I have to blink at that. I know what he’s talking about. Not specifically, but I’ve had this hunch about the guy since I met him. Like he’s trustworthy or something. I thought he was just slimy, but…

  I look at Ross and Rachel. “You guys have any idea what he’s talking about?”

  They both seem to hesitate in the same way, but Rachel is the first to speak. “I do know… I think. I thought he was just a slick-talking sleazeball, but…”

  Ross snaps his fingers in recognition of his own feelings. “Oh my god, RIGHT???”

  My own hesitation is nothing to scoff at. But I have to admit, the complainer isn’t entirely full of shit. Not if we’re all affected in the same way by whatever mental Passives or Toggles he’s apparently hitting us with. I know full well that it’s not worth verifying. Even if I have four Skill Points to spare, using one on this is downright wasteful. But something about this guy… It really feels like the last thing I can afford to do is let him get one over on me.

  Damn it, fine. Rip the bandaid off…

  First, I need another Common. But what? All the options I’d consider right now are really more of a nice-to-have. That’s even why I haven’t splurged on anything recently. And I wasn’t planning on it for another couple of levels. If I knew what CLASS I was going with, that’d be one thing. I suppose I know it’ll be ranged in nature, so this really does seem like it’ll be the most useful in the long run.

  [ COMMON CORE PASSIVE GAINED: UNBLINKING — EFFECT 1: YOU HAVE NO NEED OR INSTINCTUAL INCLINATION TO BLINK — EFFECT 2: GAIN SLIGHT INCREASE TO VISIBLE RANGE FOR 24 SECONDS AFTER VOLUNTARILY BLINKING — TILT SCALING: LUCK ]

  [ UNCOMMON CORE PASSIVE GAINED: ADVANCED TARGETING — EFFECT: IN ADDITION TO NAME AND TITLE, C.R.A.F.T., C.L.A.S.S., AND S.T.A.T. DISTRIBUTION IS ALSO DISPLAYED, ALONG WITH CURRENT TEAM SIZE AND GUILD ASSOCIATION — RESTRICTION: HIGHER RARITY STEALTH SKILLS MAY OVERRIDE THIS FUNCTIONALITY ]

  [ HERO TARGETED: JOEY — LEVEL: 19+5 — C.R.A.F.T.: COMMUNICATION / ADVOCATE / ENTHUSIASM / SOAP OPERA — C.L.A.S.S.: SUPPORT / HEALER / TRANSFERRENCE / ASTROLOGY — S.T.A.T.S: MAGICAL / DEFENSE / MANA / LUCK — TEAM: 1 — GUILD: BISNEY ]

  Oh wow. That’s actually incredibly more worth it than I thought. Still wouldn’t have spent the Uncommon slot on it right now. But yeah… His credentials as a prospective salesman even go a long way towards counteracting the pit in my stomach from the idea of working with someone that reminds me so much of Bill. Which he isn’t. I don’t know why Joey waited this long to get an Attunement of his own, but there’s no chance in hell that he’s only been here for a year. Or two. Or even three. Not with that level and achievement milestone.

  I nod in reluctant approval. “Part of a Big Four Guild, I see.”

  His face brightens. “You bought it? Just now? Really?”

  Ross looks between the two of us, indignant as ever. “Bought what? What’s happening? Don’t leave us out of this just because we’re bystanders in this little sewing circle you’re organizing. Behind our backs, I might add.”

  Rachel just shrugs noncommittally. Clearly annoyed at not being included, but at least equally unwilling to make a big thing of it.

  I shake my head. “Yes. And I see your point. Alright, fine. Let’s give it a shot.”

  Joey brightens significantly. “Wonderful! You won’t regret this and neither will I. That’s the point, after all.”

  “I hope not. But I’m also not willing to go all-in with you on this. If it doesn’t work out, we won’t hesitate to go our separate ways.”

  “Not a problem. I said you won’t regret it, and I meant exactly that. I made a promise. Not a guess.”

  “On one condition.”

  Joey winces. “…Yes?”

  “I’m looking for a couple of… Let’s just say I’m looking for a couple. I can’t, and won’t, move on until I find them. I don’t care how fast we earn how much money or visit how many destinations. This is non-negotiable.”

  “I see… Why don’t you tell me all about it and I’ll see what I can do to work that into our route.”

  I blow out a puff of air. “Alright, I guess I brought this on myself. First off, I need to tell you a little story about a girl who killed Oneshot.”