Kali finished making her bed and dropped her clothes onto the floor. When she and Ganesha were assigned together, they always raced to see who could get to the house first so they could get the best rooms for themselves. This time they reached the front door at the same time and were surprised to see The New Guy had beaten them both there. Ed Driver, the newly minted God of Stop Lights and Parking Spots, had already set up the spy equipment that came standard with each new Foolish Mortals Operation, made all of the beds in all the rooms, and stocked the refrigerator with all of the usual pre-humanization foods: virgin blood collected on the night of a full moon, chicken hearts and livers, milk and honey (for those that leaned toward the Fae), a whole jar of newt eys, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Hearts. He had also started a list of things they would need post-humanization, but Kali wasn’t ready to start thinking about that yet. She never really knew what she was going to enjoy until she’d completed her human form. One time she had accidentally selected vegan as her default so all of the steaks she’d chosen had to be returned. It had been a whole thing with the Home Office and she didn’t want to have to deal with that bureaucracy again.

  “Any idea when the others are going to get here?” she asked the boys. Ganesha was playing FIFA against himself, upper arms versus lower arms, and Ed was eating a huge bowl of sugar cereal. Milk dripped down his chin and back into the bowl. Neither god responded and Kali sighed. Immortal or not, any being that aligned with the human ideals of being masculine rarely seemed to be able to carry on a conversation if the television was on or if video games were involved. So she went to check the house’s voicemail.

  “Hey everybody,” Mercury’s voice resonated with unnatural clarity from the general email inbox, “just wanted to let you all know that I’m not going to be able to make it to the meet-and-greet. It will all make sense when I get there. I lost a bet. Anyway, don’t order pizzas without me, ok? I’ll be there in a few hours.” No other messages had posted yet, so Kali decided to brush her teeth and braid her hair. She was going to miss having four arms. Getting ready in the morning took so long when you only had two.

  When she came back into the shared living space, Ganesha and Ed were still enthralled in the game. The sound of crashing waves and the scent of salty sea air flooded the room.

  “Is that Imanja?” Ed asked around of mouthful of Frosted Flakes.

  “Yep,” Ganesha grunted. Had he been human, his eyes would have been watering after spending the better part of two hours staring at the television without blinking. He was nearly finished with his seventh game and it was still a draw between his arms. Playing against himself was one of the things he was going to miss when he suspended his godhood. Instead of playing against himself, he was going to have to play against other people, and, as the Remover of Obstacles, he always won.

  “Imanja is a great cook,” he said, not turning his head away from the screen. “She’s pretty patient with people, but if you start to feel like she’s getting pissed off, stop whatever you’re doing and get to high ground. She’s a goddess of the sea; she will gleefully drown you and laugh as you struggle. Once she’s stirred up, it can take awhile for her to calm back down.”

  “Good to know,” Ed said, drinking the sweet milk out of his bowl. “Need anything from the kitchen? I picked up some Kingfisher beers.”

  “Nah, I’m good,” Ganesha replied, “but thanks. I’ll probably have one of those later. During the Irish Potato Famine, I accidently hit the ‘no alcohol’ option. That was a rough tour.”

  “I didn’t even know that was an option,” Kali said, curling one leg under her as she sat on the couch.

  “I think they changed it be a special feature after that,” he replied, getting back into his game. Kali watched Ed stop in the doorway coming back from the kitchen. He looked both ways before he crossed the threshold and then shook his head a little bit when he realized the futility. Noobs always took a couple of tours to get used to not having to follow the rules of their godhood when they were corporeal. She remembered her first time, centuries ago, when her own taste for blood and vengeance had made being a kindergarten teacher so challenging.

  Imanja blew into the apartment like the sun bathing the land after a hurricane. The light and warmth she brought with her infused the space, adding a feeling of vibrant peace to everyone there.

  “My darling Kali,” she said, swooping over to give the smaller goddess a strong hug and kiss on the cheek, “you have never looked lovelier!” Her white dress flowed around her in a breeze of her own making.

  “Immy!” Kali cried, squeezing her back with all four arms. “It’s been so long!”

  “It was the second Great War,” Imanja said, flopping on the cushion next to her friend. “We were in northern Italy.”

  “Oh yes! The miller’s daughter and that boy with the landmines.”

  “I really didn’t think that was going to work out as well as it did,” Imanja admitted.

  “Well, you can take the landmines away from a boy, but if you don’t give him something to take their place….” both goddesses laughed, warmed by the memories of good days long passed.

  “I heard Freya is going to be here,” Imanja said with a wicked smile.

  “I know,” Kali exclaimed. “We’re going to have so much fun! And it definitely won’t end up like last time.”

  “You bury two cities in volcanic ash and it takes centuries for the Head Office to trust you again,” Imanja scoffed. Both goddess laughed again,

  “Humanization starts at 11,” Ganesha interjected. His elephantine ears made private conversations nearly impossible, which was fine with the ladies.

  “Have you seen our charges yet?” Imanja asked the room at large.

  “Not really,” Kali said. “Ed was here early and set up everything. I think he has the list of targets and challenges.”

  “I put the tablets in a crate next to the fridge, They’re labeled so you know which ones are yours,” Ed said, not taking his eyes from the game Ganesha was blasting through. Neither god appeared to move, even though Ed’s cereal was half-eaten and Ganesha’s hands all worked controllers. While the focus of the gods was amusing to both goddesses, they also knew it would be annoying once they were flesh and blood women.

  In the kitchen, one of the tablets, this one labeled GM, lay face up. The screen showed a young woman laying on the couch in her living room. She was watching TV with two cats laying on her torso, napping soundly. Two other cats curled around each other in a chair across the room, taking advantage of a sun puddle. The woman was not the sort of person who really drew the eye, but the goddesses began to watch her intently, as was their nature. They thought she might be sleeping, but she soon pushed the cats off her chest, sat up, and walked to her kitchen. The vantage point changed immediately to show her walking toward them into the kitchen, talking to her cats as she went. The volume coming from the device was muted, and would stay that way until after the transition, but as gods, all they needed to do was concentrate on her and they could hear her surface thoughts at any given moment. The woman on the screen was just as calm on the inside as she was on the outside, thinking of chores she should should be doing, considering the snack of oyster crackers she had been looking forward to since the chili commercial had aired.

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  “Are oyster crackers like prawn crackers,” Kali asked out loud.

  “No, but they are salty and delicious,” said a deeper female voice behind her. The goddesses turned around and squealed in delight at the arrival of their friend. Freya, wrapped in feathers and jewels, glittered in the poorly-lit kitchen. The Norse goddess smelled of snow and sex, her chill wind eddying around the two individuals seated at the table, mingling invitingly with Imanja’s ocean scent and Kali’s burning fire. As the three embraced, a large boar pushed into the circle, demanding attention from everyone present.

  “I’m sorry about him,” Freya said, scratching the giant boar’s ear, “but Hild refused to stay behind this time. I told him he’d have to change into a pot-bellied pig or something, but even that wouldn’t dissuade him.”

  “It’s always a pleasure,” Imanja said, kissing the battle swine on the nose and rubbing her fingers along his razor-sharp tusk. Kali and Freya exchanged glances, knowing their oceanic friend was always a soft touch when it came to animals. The fact that the boar had charged into some of the bloodiest battles in the history of human race and had killed enough men to populate most third-world countries was of no consequence to her. Hildsvin laid his giant head in Imanja’s lap, being the sweet baby angel she thought he was. As with most creatures, his savage nature was tamed the motherly aura radiating from the dark-skinned goddess.

  The tablet on the table had gone mostly dark now. The woman had gone to bed and was curled around her body pillow, snuggled in with her stuffed animals. Her audience knew instinctively that she didn’t do well sleeping alone, and since the cats were too busy being cats to settle in with her, she chose the comfort of stuffies to help her feel safe.

  It was nearly 11 in the evening and not everyone had arrived. The goddesses joined Ganesha and Ed in the living room and settled in to wait for the Green Man. Green George was one of those gods who was so chill, he brought peace with him wherever he went. Of course, he also brought copious amounts of marijuana, which also mellowed the mood. He was a lover, not a fighter, and usually opted to be the one who stayed home to keep overwatch on everyone’s charges while everyone else was at work. As far as most gods could remember, George had been around since the Beginning, so most of his working companions depended on him for his advice and steady nature, using him as an example of how to interact with humans. Now, in a flurry of acorns and oak leaves, he appeared on the couch, settled between Freya and Kali. Imanja sat on the floor at his feet, Hildsvin curled up as much in her lap as he could be, considering he was a 2000 pound battle boar. George smiled his slow, comforting smile and stretched his arms around the goddesses sitting on either side of him, wiggling the toes of his bare feet under Imanja’s backside both for warmth and to make sure she knew she was included in his affections.

  “How are my favorite ladies this fine evening,” he asked, leaves falling from his hair to settle around their shoulders. The veteran’s knew that George liked to make a grand entrance so the only individual surprised by his sudden appearance was Ed, who jumped and whipped his head around to take in the newcomer. A beat later, he returned to watching Ganesha play video games. It seemed that this new god might be as laid-back as George was, though turning it into some kind of competition seemed like more effort than anyone was willing to put forth.

  “Excited as always,” Kali said, snuggling under the giant’s arm so she could poke him in the ribs. It was well-known that the Green Man was terribly ticklish. The goddesses all laughed as he let out an unmanly squeal. The clock struck 11 and everyone sat up straight.

  “Time to get started,” Ganesha said, turning off the TV mid-score.

  The process of humanization really only took a few minutes, but the preparation for the semi-permanence of the condition took practice. At midnight, whatever form they were in would be set for the remainder of their missions. They would then spend the rest of the weekend getting used to existing in a purely physical form. Life in a mutable body was easy. As mortals they would have remember to do things like make sure their puppets were fed and cleaned and clothed appropriately for the weather. All of the simple things that most humans did as a matter of course had to be programmed into their limited brains, and this always took at least a few days for the patterns to set themselves.

  In the beginning, gods interacted with humans on a one-on-one basis. They acted as friends, fairy godparents, angels, and often wealthy distant relations. But as civilization progressed and the human population boomed, the gods began to dislike the paths society was choosing. People began making demands of the gods, instead of asking for favors respectfully. Then when they were given exactly what they asked for, they would complain and curse the gods for doing exactly what they had wished for in the first place. As humans became more, well, human, the gods decided they would be better off withdrawing from people and society, leaving them in the caring and supportive hands of priests and prophets, who could run interference and only set requests that would benefit the population as a whole instead of just one person at a time. But this didn’t really work, either, as their representatives were also human and therefore susceptible to bribery, dishonesty, and hunger for power over their constituents. Instead of acting as the voice of reason between humans and gods, they would send unworthy requests up the chain in exchange for money or power. Those who truly needed help were often overlooked as their prayers and requests were shunted to the back of the queue in favor of those who could pay to make their voices heard.

  After a time, the gods disengaged from the clergy and created a new system. Instead of staying on the sidelines, they began interacting with humans directly again, this time being careful to maintain their anonymity. The gods worked together, forming teams, all focusing on helping the humans figure out what paths they could walk that would benefit society as a whole while fulfilling their souls and improving their lives.

  In the Main Office, the lives of humans were mapped and plotted, adjusted as decisions were made by individuals, and life unfolded around them. Trillions of life spirits worked together to create a network map of all life on earth, updating it constantly to reflect decisions made by each individual being. Sometimes the humans made choices that benefitted their communities, increasing the amount of positive growth and experiences happening at any given moment, but sometimes they made choices that were darker and more selfish, putting their own desires above the well-being of humans as a whole. Each human had the freedom to choose their own actions for themselves, but sometimes they would find that they were stuck, unsure of the right path forward. When this happened, sometimes the gods would choose to get involved. They would dress in human flesh and walk the earth again, remembering how hard it was to be a human so they could offer the best guidance they could to the people who needed them most. The humans could choose to listen or not, and their freedom to choose was never compromised. The consequences of their actions were always their own, sometimes working out for the better and sometimes creating more challenges.

  For a long time, the gods kept themselves fairly segregated by region, certain gods remaining faithful to different sections of the planet and the people who lived there. A god of the sea, for example, might not understand the complexities of desert life. So while the individuals would happily meet up around the water cooler in the Main Office and talk about what they’d done over the weekend, they tended to keep their business to themselves. Eventually, Upper Management stepped in to “improve workflow” and “integrate ideas.” In an effort to create a more positive impact on the growth and development of human societies, Upper Management began creating work teams that were then dispatched to areas where many people were in need of help. They tossed around concepts like “synergy” and “cooperation” and “corporate growth.” Suddenly, whole new realities began to open to the gods. Solutions to problems became easier to find because each god brought with them unique experiences. While it was true the idea of brainstorming occasionally went a little too far, resulting in actual storms, most of the time the mixture of beliefs and skills served the humans better and helped them get unstuck and back on their paths much quicker.