She couldn’t fully predict which direction Sebastian was to take the conversation as they found a spot on the wall outside the entrance and off to the side to uncomfortably lean against, both with arms crossed. During the proceeding silence there in the quiet, somewhat seclusive alley, it quickly became more evident how sickeningly hard her chest had been pounding since arriving. The entire sensation wasn’t new, but it was such an infrequent event she needed time to recognize it, and it made it all the more alarming as she watched Sebastian struggle to find his words.

  “I’m going to say something very selfish, but it’s all I can think of,” Sebastian finally uttered, now looking at the ground as if unable to find the strength to look her in the eye to say. “I’m not just broken after who I lost, Sam. I pray to find strength to fight this feeling- the feeling that…” He tried to look up, failing after a few infuriatingly impossible attempts. Giving up as he shook his head, what he hesitated to say burst forth in a hushed rage as he felt tears well up: “I hate that you’re so far ahead of me and you won’t ever stop! I hate that I can’t keep up with you! And I hate that so many of us die trying!”

  Each line grew louder and heavier, sending shocks up Sam’s spine as she tensed up, too panicked at the sudden outburst she had zero preparation for to respond.

  And now Sebastian was finally looking up at her, only to see that this time Sam was unable to return gaze. “I can’t follow you, Sam! Not any more… not any longer…” His voice feebly trailed off as frustrated, embittered tears began to fall. “I just can’t,” he attempted to continue before being cut off by Sam’s sudden, loud sniffling and shuddering, uncontrolled breaths.

  “No, stop,” she pleaded, still frozen in her locked-up posture. “Sebastian you- I don’t want you to. I only want you to wait. Please, just wait for me,” she fought through her clenched throat and her quivering to speak audibly. “That’s all I want to ask for this one last thing. Please.”

  She continued struggling through two conflicting chains of thoughts, one on the present, and one on the realization that this was the first time someone tried to leave her before she was ready herself. “I swear this is the last thing I have to do,” she went on, not noticing Sebastian’s clenching of his hands tightly around his arms nor his further turning away.

  “And the worst thing is…” He spoke up without any response to Sam’s pleas. “No matter what I, you, anyone goes through… In the end, your priority is that… that machine, isn’t it?”

  A stabbing pain instantly shot through her heart the second she heard that last phrase. Every thought, every emotion she tried to manage fell apart at the seams; Any argument she normally would have used as a fair counter failed to materialize, and she couldn’t even start to figure out why.

  “I knew it, and everything is too broken to fix, I’m afraid,” Sebastian finished with a slow push away from the wall as if to walk away. “I have to leave while I have my sanity. Sorry, Sam.”

  Sam heard every word loud and clear, yet her body remained frozen in her wrecked, panicked state of mind as her breathing and heart rate continued to worsen.

  Wait, NO! What’s wrong with me!? Sam! Damn it, do something!

  “Stop! Sebastian, please!” Were the only words she managed to get out as she reached out to find he wasn’t where he was seconds ago, shooting another dagger through her heart as she looked up to see him distancing himself.

  “I have a brother and sister to bury,” he coldly added, masking his own regrets and pains. “And I have to take care of myself before I go insane.” He stopped, thought to turn around, but best judged not to and let out his final thought: “Take care of yourself, too.”

  He’s really leaving me, just like that…

  Sam lost complete track of time from that point, only coming to the realization she was alone, sitting balled up in that same corner minutes after. Her throat, chest, eyes, everything was burning in agony as her crying persisted, unable to process what to do with what she was left with. She had never felt as helpless as she did just then, even more so than earlier that morning. Something beyond her awareness, much less her comprehension, continued to hold her back from chasing after the thing she feared leaving her most. And what came next would have normally come as a comforting feeling, but this time it was terrifyingly sickening.

  If I could just get in that LTAC and end this right now, I fucking swear I-

  …

  Did I just…

  She further lost control, rolling over on her side as she realized what Sebastian meant.

  .

  “Ugh, I found her,” came a familiar voice from the distance moments later, barely caught through her storm of regrets and the constant cycling of the last conversation over and over in her head.

  She looked up through tear-blurred vision to see Kaylen approaching her with utmost discontentment radiating from her entire presence. Wiping her eyes in embarrassment, she quickly and awkwardly tried to sit back upright. “I’m sorry, I ruined so much just now,” she spoke up with a voice hoarse from crying as she cleared her throat.

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  “You really don’t listen well, do you? Because you’re doing the exact fucking opposite of what I ordered you to do,” Kaylen huffed before speaking condescendingly, now standing beside her, staring off into the distance. “And straighten the fuck up, will you? And stand up so I can chew you out properly.”

  Sam felt the salt rubbed firmly into her wounds but knew she had no choice but to force her way back upright, holding back her pleas to mercy or forgiveness amongst other emotionally charged comebacks with all her conscious might. And after taking a moment to calm herself down and catch her breath, she finally looked over to Kaylen to see her still looking off the other way. “I know, I wasn’t supposed to leave. I’m sorry.”

  Kaylen remained unaccepting, replying: “You also lied about Navarre’s whereabouts so you could find him yourself. What’d you expect to accomplish?”

  Shit. I didn’t even do that on purpose, to be honest. What do I even say to that?

  “I…”

  “-I told you to give him his space, didn’t I?” Kaylen shot back without giving Sam a second to gather her thoughts, now looking her in the eye in an interrogating fashion. “Not that he wasn’t going to change his mind, but at least you wouldn’t jeopardize our whole situation by getting caught along the way!” And grabbing a swift hold of Sam’s arm, Kaylen pulled her toward the way Sam had come from, only letting go once she felt Sam moving and keeping up on her own. “Let’s hurry back under. I won’t let you out of my sight from now on- not until we get into the last leg of our retrieval ops and I don’t care how long it takes.”

  Sam still fought back her desire to hit back at everything Kaylen slung her way, but she also knew how she was at fault. The truth of the matter between her and Sebastian burned even more, but it was all the more reason Kaylen wasn’t in the wrong to comment on. Anyone could have read the room, and Sam knew all along that how it just ended was the only realistic ending no matter how much it pained. All she could think now in the moment, once again exposed to the outside world passing by, was to survive to the next step of the never-ending madness that had long become her reality.

  “Yes, just like that. Keep whatever thoughts or complaints you got quiet until we’re back under,” Kaylen continued, now in a hushed voice as she stuck close by. “It’s a wonder we found you.”

  And by the time they crossed the first intersection on the way back, Sam’s thoughts slowly but ultimately ended up fixated on her brother once more.

  This is the one thing that never changed and never will. Everything that I have lost- no, everything that we all have lost all goes through him. I could have left everything behind and went with Sebastian and we’d only regret it when he gets us when we least expect it.

  She let out a long, tense sigh with that realization.

  This was the only way it could end. I can only pray for Sebastian’s forgiveness one day soon when this is all over.

  A few minutes into zoning out at the next intersection, still deep in thought of the expansive unknown lying ahead alongside the longing for returning to the unreturnable past, a sharp tug at her arm jolted her senses and attention in a completely different direction; She had almost forgotten how harsh Kaylen’s attitude had been since coming to get her, regardless of how warranted it may have been.

  “Her goals do not align with yours. I can’t say for certain what all that entails, but be aware. Pay extra attention to her tone and her actions as you move forward with your new assignments.

  Rex’s warning echoed in her mind resoundingly, now with intensified doubts of Kaylen’s true reasons for her change in behavior. It didn’t even matter much anymore how or why Rex knew such details, as the only thing that mattered most now was to survive until the end. And with Sebastian gone, the cold wind in her heart began to blow like it hadn’t in over a year, and she knew she had to face being alone with a different mindset or else.

  She’s not to blame for anything that happened between me and Sebastian. Maybe it’s from losing Renzo- she hasn’t been the same since- No, she wasn’t this way this morning. Something happened between now and then.

  She couldn’t see Kaylen’s face, but she could tell it was still in a tensed frown.

  She got told something, and it’s likely something Rex easily listened in on.

  And with a deep breath, she started focusing on thoughts that could get her through what felt like a long, harsh, frightful path ahead. I can’t afford to trust anyone anymore… Not without Sebastian around. Or Dani, or Renzo. Or Mom… or any of my friends…

  And as the walk wore on and sweat began to soak through here and there, it was times like this when she almost appreciated the sticky summer heat. I can’t afford to be scared or miss everyone right now. I have to come back to a future where I can even start to think about fixing anything.

  After that thought, the same soft hum and chime rang out from the one earpiece she left in her left ear, tensing her up but only for a second. She was ready to hear what Rex said this time, and for the first time in her life. She checked to see if Kaylen was watching, confirming her focus still lying on what was in front and used that chance to tap her watch inconspicuously. And without uttering a word, she hoped Rex would just start talking.

  And he did.

  “Samantha, do not speak.”

  Well, no shit.

  “You are fortunate to have been so far from those pursuing you just now, and lucky that Mrs. Rodgers found you as quickly. From now on I recommend you do not leave out alone ever again.

  Thanks for the scolding, she thought as the final crosswalk came up ahead.

  “But this is also for your safety moving forward: Hexa upper officials and SAU Argentina’s officials just now set a meeting for striking up a security partnership deal. I don’t have time to explain this to you, but it’s going to cause the messiest, bloodiest disaster possible if we don’t stop Reaper before this can take place. Enrai knows of this, and you’ll be briefed most likely about moving up the plan’s start time, but there in lies the real danger. This is sooner than Mrs. Rodger’s cool-down period. She will not take this well. Be prepared mentally.”

  Prepared for what? What does that mean she’ll try to do?

  “It’s a shame your partner left so soon. You will need to find the strength to do both yours and his part when times get tricky like this.”

  With that, the line disconnected, leaving Sam stuck in a quiet storm of conflicting theories of what all his words implied concerning the one remaining challenge.

  But I do know one thing, she more calmly thought after taking a deep breath. I won’t accept jumping to conclusions and impulsive decision-making anymore. I do realize how much I lost because of my lack of control there.

  She then looked at Kaylen before a few quick calculations.

  For now? Since she won’t leave my sight, I’ll figure out best I can what her real intentions are and how she reacts to literally anything. That, and figure out just what the hell is really going on with the outside world so I can filter out information for myself before anyone else- Rex included, can weigh in on me like my old, uninformed, gullible self.

  And then came the entrance from where she arose from earlier, and she was quickly reminded how much colder it will be this time with no one waiting for her.