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Chapter 12: Pride

  That night, the Ogre Queen laid out her palm and lifted Thyssa up all the way to the top of her head, where Thyssa stepped down and curled up in her mother’s thick hair.

  Thyssa purred in contentment. “I missed this.”

  “I missed you, too. When you ran from me, so did my joy.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m glad you stood up for me.”

  “It was as much for their sake as for yours. See how quickly they fight over the Benevolent Heart. They don’t fight so easily over the meat that keeps us alive. There is something very wrong with that thing.”

  “If it’s so bad, why haven’t you gotten rid of it?”

  “If I take it by force, you will become embittered. You will curse me and yourself and the world. That is the pain I hoped to heal when I made this pack.” She sighed. “I spent years fostering a place malforms can accept what they are.” She clenched a fist. “And then the humans bring us this.”

  “But, with the Heart, I don’t have to just accept being wrong.”

  “Exactly. And the pack is thereby undone.”

  “Grendel Pack is strong.”

  “Yes. You are strong. Strong enough to live and thrive without Lili’s magic.”

  “Strong enough to thrive with her magic, no matter how many come to take it from me.”

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  “It does matter who tries to take it! Cerberus Pack is as strong as us, and Widow Mantis Pack more expendable. War with one would be a bloodbath. War with both would be extinction. Use your head while you still have it!”

  “That’s how they control us! Like every tyrant, they make it sensible for you to give in to their every whim. If I give the humans what they want now, after they’ve turned us against each other, they’ll see our weakness. And so will the other packs. They’ll keep on stepping on us again and again. That’s how the pack is undone.”

  “There is one way you can defeat them.”

  “How?”

  “Give up the Benevolent Heart. In front of the whole pack. Cast it aside. Show them that you’ve been human, and it’s not worth fighting over. Give the word, and I’ll wake them up and we can be rid of it right now!”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “You can! You’re strong enough. And once you’ve done that, you’ve won. Lili won’t have any power over you anymore. You’ll be free, and Grendel Pack will be safe once more. You can save yourself and everyone else, and all you have to do is want to.”

  Thyssa sighed. Her mother’s words got under her skin. A weak part of her wanted to heed her mother’s advice and go back to being her favourite little monster – everything back to normal. Then a cold part of her remembered going to take water and seeing her own reflection, too disgusting to look away from.

  “But…being a girl is worth fighting over. I’d be sacrificing everything just to lie to my pack.”

  “Even if it’s a lie for you right now, it’s a lie that will make the world a better place.”

  “Would it? If I pretend to be happy being a malform and I’m not…what about the others who aren’t happy? If they’re fooled, they’ll think they’re wrong for not being happy with themselves. They’ll feel like monsters among monsters. Is it their responsibility to lie, too?”

  “Thyssa. Is it really the pack you’re concerned about here? Or are you just scared to change back, and scared to admit that?”

  Thyssa blinked back tears. “I…I don’t know. Is it so wrong to be scared? It’s not my fault Lili did this. The only reason people want to fight is because they want it too. Why can’t we tell them to give it up? It’s not like any of this was fair!”

  She sighed. “I can’t imagine it’s easy. Giving up something like that. Still. I have faith you’ll make the right decision. When you’re ready. For now, let’s get some sleep.”

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