“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?”

  I’ve found myself strapped down again. Fuck. What a sour taste this leaves in my mouth, my brain is struck with a poor sense of humour and grief. Seriously, what are the ces that it happens twice, it’s absurd. Beyond absurd.

  Although, I have found myself on a dentist chair ihis time around, this is looking less bleak than before. This sad remark eases me if only a little. There’s a rge, closed window in front of me with giant bricks for ste spa either side. I chuckle inwardly, these people have got to be twisted to pce a window looking out to freedom in front of a restrained victim.

  “Wele back to ARNKO Ats”

  Wele!? There are two persons in this room with me, a male and female. The young male spoke to me in a formal tohe male Is fairly distinct, he has bck hair with a calm face, detly tall but a touch bit skinny, he is wearing a casual uniform. with this, ‘wele’ and overbearing self importahis person Had single handedly written their death certificate. The self imposed importance eluding from this person was frankly intolerable. The suffog bliss or frank ignorance was aggravating, and the audacity to say that in front of me, with all I’ve been through. The iive and iving little shit. If only I wasn't restraint… I sigh internally as the ahis man made me feel wasn’t doing my mental health any good. This was the type of ahat had to be quelled by ripping off the zeman’s head. Fubsp;

  The female apanying him is wearing a white b coat with dark casual clothes underh, she wears a round face with hazel eyes and dark grey hair that would touch her shoulders if she didn’t put it up into a messy hair bun. She boasts wide hips that curve, even when wearing her coat. She stands with a small but pure frame.

  The man sits in a small stool with small rollers and has his hands on his knees, and as he begins to speak, his chest pops out. (seems he’s very self scious about his posture)

  “Well Ats, do you remember me? I’m Jamen and this is Tusaba. I doubt you do. It has been four years since we’ve st met each other”

  She waves weakly towards me from her desk and under her breath she says “hello ats it’s good to see you again”

  They both look at me waiting for an answer but I’m too frustrated to talk. I’m actually puzzled how they think I wouldn’t be. I’m strapped to a fug chair against my will!? I also don’t want to make my situation worsen by antagonising them. (They deserve it)

  “Sigh… I guess we should start putting him under again, he does have the veins for it”

  What?! Jamen speaks to Tusaba in a more serious mausaba’s face turns a touch pale. I really don’t uand how the to really gloomy all of a sudden. I didn’t even say anything. The look on this persons face is of, utter pt upon itself. Why say it’s good to see me then say the por opposite!? ‘Put him uhat fug mutt. They just ’t seem to help themselves. What do you even mean by that. If only I was set free. Fuck this is infuriating… Tusaba aowledges Jamen words then starts clig away.with each click her once pure tourns a shade darker. It puts me off. I know they’re about to do something so I start trying to get out. I put everything behio try and break out of these straps. I keep rog the chair. The metal beams eg the arm pads start to bend as I try t my arms to my chest. But I’m still restrained.

  “Hey what the fucks this, tell me you two!?, What are you doing to me!”

  My art rag again, my whole body ti feels as if I’m beirocuted by an icy cold chill. The pain resembles that from liquid nitrogen… It hurts. I start to feel the likes of worms crawling in behind my eyes, g and burrowing in from the bay hrough my head.

  The pain makes me force a blink then.

  Pitch white, Stagnant white.

  I ’t tell the distance of anything, this world is void of any shadows the lighting is supernatural. My eyes ’t even tell myself from the background. My eyes start to strain, but as I try to block the light with my hand it’s as if my hand made of the same light as well. With all this ‘sensations’ I sneeze, and as I bend down. I see something…

  I look below my feet and I see a soulless charred version of myself standing upside down.

  I feel their weight press down onto me as they stand on my feet.

  I feel the ess they elude.

  I faintly tell the features of this very old and decrepit looking version of myself because of the blinding light.

  My face sags towards me. It wears the old timey cottage clothes you would see oldies wear in fairytale books. With every motion I take, I mimic it too. Every step, pad dash. It grows older but mile aless. The ohing I never lose as I look at myself is a ral but wicked grin that puffs up my cheeks.

  “I finally get to speak to us ats”

  It talks to me, it moves its lips and I see its tongue da its voice doesn’t e to me vocally. It’s a voice, an internal one ing from the bay head. I’m baffled.

  “What are you?”

  “I’m what got you here…”

  !?

  “many categorise me as a feeling or emotion… As Fear.

  I am so much more”

  Fear isn’t even a real thing. Am I to assume we’re in my brain or something?! I’m not as irrational as to be trolled, strained and maniputed by an irratioion. Or per a chemical in my head. ‘We’re’ far superior in every capacity. I already know this sioday and the symbolism is apparent. You know as well. So why don’t you just kark’ it you old mutt your words and what you preach have no meaning to me”

  “Ha you think your strong ats but it’s nothing further from the truth, do you really think your void of the cost, the repercussions if you just it. Must I remind you that a self scious idiot is still an idiot. So Don’t insult yourself and your aors with such worthless arrogahat is something we shouldn’t tolerate. Not perceiving fear or just ing to do so isn’t the same as not feeling it, because I’m always there. There’s a brutal lesson ihat I’ve been teag you…

  I am something that ever be truely perceived by anything. Non the less I’ve been carving this lesson for a very long time boy. Not when you were birthed by your mother and greeted by your father. Not when your species started to walk. Nor the iion of the Cambrian. It started when eo birth time and space. I’ve been here sihe start of it all. Please don’t misua’s not about how you feel or what you personally perceive. I MEAN YOU, what your made of. You as a collective.

  Us Atoms.

  We are subjected to time as well.

  Us too are carved by time.

  We carry that time with us.

  That information with us.

  That experieh us.

  When we carry that experieh us, it bees a weak little soul.

  This collective is what makes fear.

  This collective is what makes us. “

  We may still perceive us to be weak.

  I may not be absolute to us.

  But.. for I am not

  I am truth

  I am fear… true fear…

  …

  “Jamen! Take the gear off Ats right now!”

  “Why? What’s wrong with him?”

  “He’s burning up, his core is at 40*c his heart rate is climbing up to 250 bpm. Quick Jamen he’ll die at this rate.”

  “I see”

  “Take the head gear off him…”

  …

  “oh my lords.”

  “He looks ghostly… there’s blood drooling out of his nose and mouth

  What did he experienbsp;

  …

  I wake up in a bed? and I hardly breathe.

  “Fuck these sheets are fitted tightly”

  I go to move them off me but my arms have pins and needles. The fact that they’re also handcuffed together doesn’t help as well. The only upside seems to be that the female before is right beside me. I feel her warmth… my nerves have never felt so calm before this, this could bee addig. I’m a little flicted though, I am calm but also utterly annoyed beyond pare, as I’m forcefully made to hug this woman. Who “I” have never met. I wriggle around sihat’s the best ce I have to wake this dead log up. But the only response I get is a drowsy pout.

  “Awhhh I don’t wanna’ get up… 2 more hours”

  I look down at her fad her lips (shes like a cat purring) that’s now buried into my chest as she hugs my bare skin. Her messy hair finding its way straight to my fad getting stuy tongue as I try to speak trrr” how annoying. damn, She is objectively beautiful in all aspects. A small part of me thinks this and another part.

  “Get the fue bitch. Ugghhh oph”

  I hug her with force, so close that our masses turn to one for a small instance. I heap us off the mattress pulling the quilt with me as I stand up.

  “EEPPP, Oh my lords Ats what are you doing!?”

  Her face turns to red, I look at her and she’s wearing the absolute bare minimum. Panties and an oversized shirt, really?. I guess I’m er, they must of been generous and fitted me with some jocks on. I’ve bear hugged her and I feel her boobs press into my colr bone and her bosom nearly in my face. Her face turns red and as flustered as kakrov.

  “Ugh! (Hit) ugh!(Hit), put me down you idiot. Your holdioo tight I ’t touch the ground to breathe you idiot!”

  She starts to hit me with her arms. How cute, although I am a little fused at her words. Shes only angry because I’m making it hard for her to breathe. As I try to remember what she said just in case she fot to mention the fact I’m five timetres away from her bosom. her persistent aless wag and smming her fist into by biceps makes me give up.

  And how annoying! I let her loose and she begins to fall, I see her face go aloof. Then with abnormal rea time like the cat she is. she unleashed her cws and digs them into me, as to try and stop her fall.

  “ Ahh fuck, your nails!”

  I actually start to bleed from the fresh wounds, I’m genuinely surprised that she did that. WTF? Is she actually a cat? (WTF am I even talking about)

  “Oh my lords I’m sorry, are you ok?”

  I don’t say anything and to not to show my frank distain on my face. But her rea seems sorrowful, it’s as if she’s hit a realisation. I grumble internally at how hard it is to get a read on these people. I’m really starting to hate it. Then her expression starts to ge. Into something cheeky.

  “Ats… humpt.. you deserved it”

  I’m in disbelief. What the hell is going on. I actually start to ugh inside. Ludicrous. These persons… they start by restraining me on a chair and put me uhen make me sleep with a random but frankly hot woman who is so two faced it’s fusing.

  As I start to think deeply about ‘this’ My art to race again, but it’s as if I know what’s ing.

  The door knocks and Tusaba jumps up, straight as a nail.

  Jameers the room and peers me up and down but he doesn’t say anything and decides to ignore my bleeding obliques and the jocks that are now on the floor…

  I don’t know how to act?! How would they expect me to act? I have no memory of who these people were before. I don’t know what type of retionship was established in the past. I ’t say this, otherwise they’ll take advantage of me since I have no where else to go, and it’s more advantageous to keep my past reputation. It Seems notable enough. I’ll have to check what I say.

  “I think I deserve an expnation”

  “Yes I agree, well. The equipme you on is a mae that Impnt information and in turn. unlock your affinity for ZOT manipution.”

  “What is ZOT?! And that doesn’t make any seell me why I’m even in a pce like this”

  “Ats just know we’ve tried our best. When we found out where you were beied we tried to get you before the state but we didn’t have the man power. They had an army with them to protect you”

  “We’re also aware you have memory loss, unfortunate as it is. It’s basically a givehe state gets to you for testing”

  Well fuck. If they already know that I have memory loss then there isn’t any use wasting energy trying to pretend.

  “Then why the fuck was I in that shit hole, for testing!? t I was being tortured then I’m strapped to a dentist chair!”

  They’re taken aback, their expressions sink in, if only a little.

  “The state ‘test’s’ a persons affinity or well makes their affinity for ZOT by putting them through pain. Some people have different thresholds. Some might develop a taste’ for it naturally, with a simple paper cut. While others have to be malubly’ tested for years. It is a cruel and faithless process. Everyone bee a mage, the only restri is time. But, by the end of it all the state will turn you into a mage to bat and battle the inklings. A Battle Mage is and are highly valuable and highly trained ‘murders’ it’s extremely praise worthy that you were even able to kill one and survive. It’s also stated that the longer a person st against the ‘Maluble testing’ the better they are, it’s a myth if anything.”

  “What are you on about, magic does. Nor do miracles. They’re just glorious misuandings!”

  “It is true that magid miracles are false and untrue fis of our own making. But ZOT does exist, for those who manipute it. They call upon anything ience. Although of course there are always equal set backs. But there isn’t any reason to yer it onto you now since you couldn’t even gh the basic process of installing the information.”

  If I’m going to believe what he says even if he has everything to gain from lying to me. That means.

  “So… I’m a on?!”

  “It’s good to hear that I don’t have to expin your pbsp;

  Jamen smirks and chuckles, full of fidehe statement he just made only solidified that he’s trying to aggravate me, what a shit head what a head so full of shit.

  I stand up straight and widen my feet and pster my face with killing i. Jamen seems almost happy.

  “I should disclose the information that I have the ability to blow your neck off, at anytime”

  Well no fug shit, you wouldn’t have this bimbo guard me (sexually harass) I ease up in utter disbelief at how retarded he sounds. How is this person even capable of capturing me, I feel disgusted just looking at him.

  “For you state borns, you have a bucket port on the back of your necks and I diligently put an explosive vile in one of the five slots”

  “The reason you have memory is because your a e, the way mages are made is that the person mahe ability after experieng a certain amount of pain, this is true for all humans. But the difference is that they torture you through different lifetimes, tge normal person wouldn’t be able to experienough pain in their whole life to achieve ZOT manipution. So they map your brain and switch it from one e to ahe leading theory is just like a torn muscle, it overpensates. Your body ges, you know how your body has developed destructive power. You have the heart of a ow size and power in all. Your absolutely right Ats, your a on and as such I io use you as one, you will plete twenty five missions for me then I’ll allow you to be free.

  I will put you to work tomorrow”

  “Uood”

  He’s making it apparent that he wants me to see him as his superior, what a joke i think inwardly. Him?

  Seems he’s trying to put up a fight against the state, creating a merary group. No, that’s the wrong the term. A militarist terrorism. ical. I o know what he’s going to do. I put on the clothes that were id out on the sheets then.

  I follow them out the door and it leads me to a short corridor we tur ao the stairs they then notice me be behind them.

  “Uhh ats”

  “Yes Tusaba?”

  “ why don’t you chat with the others down there. I think Jamen wants to talk to me”

  “So be it”

  I follow them dowairs then we split. It opens up inte room, it looks like a refurbished warehouse. I walk towards the cafeteria where two woman sit eating pre packaged food.

  “So your ats”

  “Yes, your correbsp;

  “Really?! I don’t know why you’re even here. Jamen waste’s his energy on you. I don’t uand why a amniesic fag deserves Jamen’s attention”

  I actually scoff at how easy it is to read her iion, so she wants to prove shes better. She could just be jealous. I po how I could fake my strength and manipute them, I could gain some status by defeating her. Sigh I’ve got my work cut out for me.

  “AWHH really? Doesn’t Jamen have any time for you”

  “Your asking for a fight, so what you were a spy. What’s so special about you now huh. You’re as dumb as a roow because of the testing now. What’s the point of it all. Your worthless to us now”

  “Think whatever you want, I’m not going to waste my energy ging the mind of an idiot. It’s parable to paving a road with a spoon” (impossible)

  Iki stands between us and try’s to calm the both of us down. She’s a little bewildered at how fierce tai looks. But she’s quite capable aai to take a seat and resume her eating.

  “Heh heh apologies on my sisters behalf ats. I’m sure your hungry so let’s get you sorted now”

  I affirm that my stomach is empty- (politely of course). But before iki could weakly describe where the food is Tusaba shows up.

  “Hi ats ready to get your hand checked up on?”

  I nod and I walk towards Tusaba, as to not leave her waiting for me. Passing tables and heading back up the stairs. I tio follow Tusaba and we walk back to the dentist room, she closes the door behind me as I walk in.

  “Take a seat ats”

  I take a seat on the dentist chair sitting upright and Tusaba starts talking.

  “Jamen has tinued his campaign for the four years you were away, theirs only a handful of the inal members left. Yuri died a week ago”

  She takes a seat on her office chair and wheels it closer to me, she moves to face me and I see tears falling on her face. She smiled weakly at me and I feel her soft hands on my p. With teary eyes she stands up and pressed her lips against mine.

  …

  “I guess it’s true” (sob)

  True?! “What is” I ask

  “It’s true that you may be here, but your definitely gone”

  She stares at me but then bees shy and turns to face away. Did she see the look of fusion on my face? She ges the topic by switg the focus to my damaged hand. While wipiears away with her b coat she pulls out utensils out of a drawer pg them on a steel tray.

  “Ahem (snort) let’s see that hand now”

  I rest my forearm on the armrest, turning over my wrist with supernation. I ’t really open my fihere properly fixed in pce, must be a fair bit of tension on my nerves.

  As Tusaba cuts off the earlier ing and dressing (which I assume she put on) her face tightens a little at the sight of it.

  “Gosh it’s gottey bad”

  She diligently and sistently, with time. Plucks tge shards of gss out of the rugged cuts they were left in.

  “I’m sorry ats”

  …

  I think as I look at her face. Sorry is psterd all over her face. I only see it now as her eyes are watery and bloodshot.

  “You do know, that the more you say “it” the wrow to have less meaning”

  She try’s to say something but it only es out as a “ah” her head sinks so ever slightly lower. She doesn’t say anything bae but she still tio plud damp away my hand with her tweezers.

  She must practice medie, she seems trained. Shes following the pretty basic procedures. She pces the shards in a small tin pte and vigorously s everything.

  …

  I start to feel a little weak I snt down in my chair and I bee pelled to cradle my stomach. Am I hungry? I tell I am but why isn’t my stomach growling at me?

  Tusaba lifts her head and looks at me straight in the eyes, then silently without a sound tinuing her plug.

  … I realise that even with this new “me” I’m still struggling. I feel fronted, I have no idea how to act. All four of these people seem to know me from the past. But I have no memory of anything they think I am. I’m left stranded with no clues as to mitigate any fri or to protect myself. I have a fug bomb in my nebsp;

  “So what does Jamen wao do?”

  “We’ll have a a briefing ter”

  “Hmm”

  She didn’t speak anymore after that so I only pondered, if I asked anything more then she might cat that I’m trying to gather more information. Which makes me seem insecure. It looks as if she’s finished now, it’s been roughly twenty seven minutes now from when I first took this seat. She gets a pad and begins to disi my hand, she cuts it into smaller parts that go into separate rugged cuts. She packs my hand with gauze and as she begins to my wound. I requested that she s the spun up as a boxer does, to give my hand some movement while still pg some restrictive for it. She looks at me a little fused.

  (How the fuck do I do that huh, stop making it difficult)

  I tell her how to do it as she grumbled. As I’m showihis something clicks a little.

  I’m surprised I could remember something I have no memory of. It’s strange.

  She finishes with my hand and suggests that I eat some food before I see Jamen again. As I leave the room, I look back at her. Shes diligent at her work that’s for sure, she has this sort of allure. Shes stuck ing the utensils.

  I’m thinking about before, I look at my hand and question myself. (how did I know, how a boxer s his hands?)

  I look upwards and sigh, then tio walk onwards, the path towards the food. As I pass through the corridor I realise what Jamen’s words really mean. I’m now physically strohen I was before Maluble testing, so my calorie intake must of increased aswell. I will o see what I’m capable of now. It’s likely the purpose of my first task… I grumble, I really do hate this pce I’m actually debating killing Jamen in his sleep just to get out of here. It would be worth it. Although I could use them to get my revenge against whoever decided to enforce such a shit polibsp;

  I ehe cafeteria and open the fridge and pull out a pre-packaged meal. And iki starts to talk to me, as I go to pce the tray in the microwave and turn it on.

  “Jamen said to be polite and show you around this little hideout”

  “ I eat first?”

  “Don’t worry it won’t take long, plus you’ll have to wait for the food to heat up anyway, may as well show you around instead of doing nothing”

  I sider it, and frankly agree. It’s a sound idea. Plus I get to learn more from these people.

  “Ok sure”

  “Vrrrrrr”

  “Let’s head this way then”

  …