When Thomas finally got out of the temple, he saw Tari and Tira waiting for him near a campfire. The twins had big smiles on their faces.

  “Master, you smell like flow, you must have had a good circution session with mister Simon ! We should call on him when…”

  But they stopped after seeing Thomas’ face. They had expected him to look more rexed, now that he was full of power, but he looked strangely broken. His eyes were sunken in and instead of looking stressed or disgusted as usual, his expression was simply hollow. It looked like he was here, but also not at the same time. More disturbing, he was continuously scratching his neck to the point where blood was starting to seep out of dirty bruises.

  He looked the same as his first day in this dimension, or even worse. At least at that time he seemed stressed and scared, but now no light could be seen in his eyes at all. Somehow, it felt terrible.

  The boys stayed silent, gesturing to Thomas to show him his sleeping bag. Behind him, Simon followed with a conflicted look. The commander exchanged a few words with the twins then turned to Thomas.

  “I’ll go back to the knights for now, but I will come visit ter.”

  The slim man nodded, watching Simon disappear in the bushes, and approached the sleeping bag.

  “I need to sleep in the middle of the camp, with you two next to me ?”

  Tira nervously coughed.

  “It’s for safety purposes.”

  “There is no way I’ll sleep with people around. Forget that, let’s go home.”

  The twins looked at each other with their brows furrowed.

  “But… It’s nighttime… It’s dangerous to walk in the woods at night…”

  However, Thomas was already walking away from them. He had only one idea in mind : He needed to take a shower right now.

  “Do what you want, I don’t care.”

  ‘I’m full of flow, it feels like I can do anything. It’s disgusting. Can’t I change it into demonic power ?’

  The two sources were at different pces in his body, the demonic power near his heart and the flow in his lower abdomen. Those were two very different things, but in essence it was the same : a votile power forming near a core. If he could transfer one to the other, his life would be easier, since their methods of refilling were different. Demonic power was produced on its own with time, and the flow could be filled with circution. But if he could also use his demonic power after a circution, or if he could avoid circution by filling his flow with time, both were good options.

  While walking, Thomas was reflecting on it. He couldn’t exactly test the second theory since his demonic power was still depleted from the fight with the cursed beast, but he could still test the first one, transferring flow into demonic power. He closed his eyes and tried to feel the source in his lower abdomen, moving it with his will. It was hard because it followed his thoughts so easily that it moved instantly and too quick, it was very hard to control. However, he got the hang of it after a few minutes, and twirled it on itself, forming a thin strand that he nudged towards his heart, joining the demonic power’s source.

  The rejection was intense, taking his breath away as his heart was compressed. Thomas leaned on a nearby tree to maintain his bance, trying to breathe calmly while clenching his chest. The feeling was excruciating, but thankfully the power of two gods kept him alive long enough for the sources to separate again and his body to recover.

  Thomas wiped the sweat on his forehead and looked behind him, but thankfully the twins were busy packing their belongings and were far enough to be oblivious to his situation. He sighed in relief and stood up straight again. Nobody was spying on him so it was the best time to practice. At the mansion, there were always servants loitering around his room, trying to see what he was doing, so being alone in the forest felt like a blessing.

  He walked a bit more in the woods, listening to any sounds that could announce the presence of a cursed beast, but since the artifact had been repaired, it was sure that none would be here. After a while, he closed his eyes again and tried to feel the two sources, this time focusing on the textures. Demonic power felt more heavy, murky, almost like a getinous blob that was hard to bend. On the contrary, the flow was very votile, a small cloud dancing around its core. If he wanted to move one to the other, he needed to match the density.

  ‘Well, of course that wouldn’t be easy.’

  Thomas leaned against a nearby tree, just in case, and tried again. This time he took a small part of flow, and compressed it to a maximum, matching the demonic power, then nudged it towards his heart. This time, he was extremely slow and careful, so he noticed when the flow changed textures, becoming demonic power. It wasn’t a quick change and it took him a few minutes, but in the end he succeeded in refilling the source. He had demonic power again.

  ‘It wasn’t easy, but it’s done. However, I have no idea how to move demonic power, so I need to rely on circution… Well, I’ll focus on that ter.’

  Now that he had demonic power, he was more free in his actions. Using his magic to transform, he let the wings sprout out of his back, and fpped them really hard, gaining altitude so fast that he broke the tree branches in his way, getting scratched in the process. He was full of wounds, but he was in the sky. It was his first time flying, but it didn’t feel foreign, it was as if he had done it all his life. Maybe it was his demonic nature, or maybe being so far from the ground, away from anyone, was liberating. Whatever the case, Thomas took a deep breath that felt fresh, expiring the air while releasing the tension in his body. He wasn’t sure how he was feeling, it was blurry and uncertain, as if his heart was hidden in a dark mist. It was confusing, and at the same time he didn’t care. He had no feelings to give, no worries about anything, and he felt empty. At that moment, strange impulsive thoughts were running through his head.

  ‘Should I let myself fall ? Would that kill me ? I’m not sure. Do I want to die ? No, there is Bael. I shouldn’t make him sad. But how would it feel to fall from that height ?’

  His thoughts were getting messy, and he shook his head to chase them away.

  ‘I should go back to the manor. I need a shower.’

  He had scratched his skin so much since repairing the artifact that he was bleeding all over, he looked absolutely awful. He wasn’t really itching, it was more of an uncomfortable feeling that was filling him and would only go away after scratching until he drew blood. Either way, he felt like this condition would continue until he took a shower.

  Fpping his wings to propel himself, Thomas flew above the forest and the fields, quickly reaching the isoted mansion. The garden was hidden in the darkness of the night, but even that was beautiful.

  ‘If Bael was here, we would run on the grass like kids, trying to sneak out so that Baam and the servants wouldn’t bother us. I miss him.’

  He stopped moving his wings for a moment, hovering over the mansion. Was he really missing Bael ? It was confusing because he had a hard time feeling anything. His heart felt so empty that he doubted his own feelings for a while. Then his mind suddenly cleared up and he realized something important.

  ‘Oh… Do I have depression ?’

  It was an obvious statement, how could someone still be sane after living a life that wasn’t real since his birth, having PTSD from traumas that weren’t his, being assaulted a few times, finally loving someone only to lose him and ending up at a totally different pce, and forced to do something that was really triggering for him. In fact, it would be strange if he was still fine after all that.

  ‘I think I’m broken. Would Bael even like me ? Maybe I should really just let myself fall…’

  Thomas shook his head again. He needed to stop thinking like that again. Bael had accepted him even when he was at his lowest point, showing unconditional love and patience for him. There was no way that he would abandon him. And even if he really did, Thomas still needed to come back to Hell to protect him from Mariane and God. It didn’t matter if he died afterwards.

  ‘Okay. I need to hold on until I save him. After that, if he hates me I’ll die. Let’s go with that.’

  It was a grim line of thoughts, but somehow it helped him gain the determination to move again. He nded on the balcony of his bedroom, changing back into a human while he made a mental note of what he needed to do.

  ‘First, I need to become more adept at changing flow into demonic power and the other way around. Then I need to master my magic, to be able to kill demonic beasts without using all the source, and to protect myself effectively. I should also learn a few useful spells like the one that creates clothes, and work on my stamina. Well, I have my work cut out for me before I even think of going after the next artifact.’

  While he was thinking, he had reached the bathroom and made his clothes disappear from a flick of his fingers, ready to wash up. That’s when from the corner of his eye he saw the image reflected on the mirror. Changing clothes was a simple spell so he didn’t entirely change, but for the first time he had a glimpse of his Shaman form. His face was disfigured, his jaw elongated with long sharp teeth coming out of his thin lips, while his eyes had become bigger, almost a third of his face, and round like a bird of prey. His ears had disappeared, leaving two holes above his neck, and his long hair couldn’t hide the mix of fur and feathers that covered his forehead. At that was added his eùmatiated and white body, covered in bruises, dirt, and blood. There wasn’t an area that wasn’t damaged, to the point where the flesh was exposed on some parts. He wasn’t only grotesque, he was so terrifying that people could have a heart attack looking at him. However, Thomas calmly looked at his reflection.

  ‘It’s not even funny anymore. It’s only a partial transformation and I look this monstrous ? Yeah, Bael will hate me for sure.’

  He felt his heart growing even colder. All feelings had finally left. Now, he felt really like an empty shell. There was only one thing that kept him moving forward : He needed to save Bael. After that, he was free to die.

  AmbreaTaddy