A Rube Goldberg machine is a type machine or contraption intentionally designed to perform a simple task in an indirect and overly complicated way. Usually, these machines consist of a series of simple unrelated devices; the action of each triggers the initiation of the next, eventually resulting in achieving a stated goal.

  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rube_Goldberg_machine

  *****

  It had to be just right, or nothing would work. The shelters would be opening any minute now, and there were still Antithesis stragglers traipsing about the city. Cassy had one chance to pull this off; the ultimate display of Antithesis destruction, city reconstruction, with a healthy dose of whimsy and joy.

  Today's adventure had started when an irate Issi had shared screen grabs from some of the Samurai forums, ones that Barty had been intentionally keeping from her. Apparently people on the Mesh weren’t as nice as Cassy the Clown had thought they were. In fact they could be down right rude, and sorta mean. Saying terrible things like:

  She wasn’t a real Samurai, just a mascot the others dragged around.

  She kidnapped children.

  She couldn’t fight the antithesis on her own.

  Her candy rotted teeth.

  She was all honk, no harm.

  They had used other words for that one, but she refused to repeat them, even in her head.

  They said her motley was dumb, her antics were lame, and her catalogues were useless. She’d had to ask Barty about that last one, she didn’t recall carrying around any catalogues. According to Barty, “catalogues” were the boring AI’s method of getting toys and attractions. He insisted that the two of them were better off continuing to just use their imagination and have fun. A sentiment Cassy agreed with whole heartedly. Who had time to leaf through a huge book full of glossy images of neat things? On second thought maybe she would get Barty to purchase some catalogues for them, for the long flights.

  Cassy turned back to the task at hand, doing her best to forget about all the terrible comments from the mesh. She knew she shouldn’t take them personally, the people posting mean things didn’t actually know her. They were probably just looking for some way to lash out at the world around them, possibly because they felt powerless when even the grass might be trying to eat them. Or maybe they were just very lonely, and craved attention, even if it was unpleasant and argumentative.

  Barty’s voice came through a speaker hung from the bottom of a large mechanical bee with silly string. “Earth to Cassy! We’ve got dominoes to place, and pendulums to balance! The city isn’t going to save itself!”

  Cassy smacked her painted cheeks and shook her head vigorously, her bright curls flopping too and fro. “Right you are, partner, no time for moping! No matter how rude their little animations were. We are going to show them! Not that it will change anything. But we are going to have fun trying! And then we are going to Calgary, for froggy hugs.”

  *****

  Hector had been a soldier for more than a decade, first for governments, and more recently with a local PMC. In that time he had seen more than his share of incursions, and the hell that came with them. The pills in his back pocket were about the only way he even managed to get a decent night's sleep anymore. If it wasn’t nightmares about the viscous plants, and the horrors they left behind, it was the terrified remembrances of what the many Samurai had done while protecting them. He didn’t care how gimmicky, strange, or friendly some of their public persona’s came across, all he ever saw when he looked at them was unstable kids that had been given the keys to the nuclear arsenal.

  Today was more of the same, he’d thought: Incursion, chaos, death, Samurai insanity, with long months of clean up afterwards. Then they got the message, every person, building, shelter, and machine with a wifi connection.

  “You can all sit back and enjoy the show, Cassy the Clown is here to set things right.”

  They’d all ignored it at first, orders were to keep on as usual, just another crazy Samurai causing their own brand of chaos. The two local Samurai that were still in the fight had apparently scoffed at the message and told the stranger to stop trying to hog points.

  The city saw its second flood of inhuman creatures soon after. Toys, balloons, drones and robots, that were half metal, half candy or toy, spread through the city. They carried with them great boxes full of tubes and pipes, switches, leavers, strings, peg board, and things unidentifiable.

  When the second flood met with members of the first, the plants were shredded like so much damp tissue paper. When they encountered civilians, military, and even Samurai, they waved a variety of traffic signs and herded the humans into newly erected bleachers spread throughout the city. Balloon skeletons ran around with brushes painting out lines on the ground to mark areas SAFE! And OUCHY!

  Only one of the two local Samurai put up resistance to being corralled, they had been carried in cocooned in bright coloured string that they couldn’t seem to break free from.

  *****

  Bloody Socket strained against the eye gougingly bright string those damn garish monsters pretending to be toys had covered him in. Who the heck was this Clown witch, coming in to his city and sidelining him. “I mean I know the incursion is almost over, especially after she sent her entire fudging army through the city.” He subvocalized at Hemorrhage his AI. “But this is cow dung! Hemorrhage get me something to undo this goo”

  I’m sorry, I can’t do that Dave.

  “Who the heck is Dave? Why are you… Wait, why can’t I swear! What the fudge is going on?” He continued to stretch and strain at his bonds.

  Sorry BS, not sure why I called you Dave. Also fricking stumped with the profanity filter. The Clowns AI sent me a message though, said not to worry, they’ll share the points. This makes no fracking sense… Fudge!

  This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  *****

  Celeste loved fudge, it was her favorite treat. Today had started off terrible, she and mum had been on their way out of the city when the alarms went off. They hadn’t made it to a shelter in time either…

  That was in the past though, she didn’t want to think about it, because she had a fudgesicle! A very nice, and not at all scary, robot bee wearing a party hat had given in to her after it dropped her off at the shiny new bleachers. The bee had tried to carry her and mum both, but wasn’t strong enough, so mum had ridden in a bubble that appeared out of nowhere! “Mum! Do you think I could ride in a bubble later too? The fuzzy buzzy bee was super fun, but the floaty bubbles look so neat!”

  “We’ll have to see love, I’m sure the nice Samurai will be very busy cleaning up the city after this.”

  “Ok” She replied happily, swinging her short legs and munching on her frozen chocolate treat.

  Celeste looked around in wonder, in the short time she and mum had been sitting here the cute bees and huggable toys had been working hard. Measuring things once, and then twice, like the sign one had put on the wall said to. The builders followed behind them, carrying huge tracks, and ramps, and lots of other bright colourful things she couldn’t name. They held them in place, and used toy tools that made words pop into the air when used, to set up the biggest strangest contraption she had ever seen. Big screens hung suspended from bright balloons in the air nearby showing the same stuff happening all over the place, in the corner of each was a clock counting down.

  “Mum! Mum! It’s almost 0!”

  The crowd around them began to count along as the clock hit single digit seconds. They were largely enthusiastic, but their voices were laced with plenty of confusion, and maybe a bit of fear. The strange apparatus stretching across the city seemed innocent enough, but it was built in less than an hour, by an unknown Samurai, anything could be about to happen.

  5!

  4!

  3!

  2!

  1!

  *****

  All of the floating screens around the city switched to a single image of red velvet curtains separating in the middle to reveal Cassy the Clown in profile, her large wooden mallet resting on her shoulder.

  With a left foot right foot hop, she turned to face the screen, swinging her free hand out and spreading it wide as she walked forward. “Welcome one and all to the Greatest show on earth!”

  “At least for today, I’m sure there might have been better before, and I sure hope my next show is even greater than this one…” Cassy trailed off, lost in thought, a quiet cough from behind the camera bringing her back.

  “Right! The Greatest show on Earth! First off I’d like to thank you all for bearing with my lovely assistants while we got everything set up. Secondly I hope you have been enjoying the comfy bleachers and tasty snacks, all of which are as healthy as they are tasty! With bonus model 7 antidote in every bite!”

  “Now, sit back, relax, and keep your eyes on the screens, the show is just about to…”

  Cassy had been striding forward during her speech, as she came to the end of her speech, it pulled back to show her standing beside a large wooden ball, nearly half her height. With her last sentence, she pulled her hammer from her shoulder, and pulled it back for a two handed swing. With a look of concentration on her face, she twisted her whole body into a spiraling swing, hammer held out in both hands, spinning and spinning closer to the ball. Her hammer blurring in the air, whistling through the wind, and stopping dead, a hair's breadth from the ball.

  The view on the screen pulled in close, until only Cassy’s face, the large brown ball, and her hammer were in view. With a wink, and a whisper, “Begin!” she tapped the ball ever so lightly, nudging it just over the edge of balance to roll down the long steep hill. The view on the screen panned out as the ball built up speed heading toward three lines of super sized brightly blinking neon dominos. It pulled back further and further and further to show an aerial shot of the city, the usual dull greys of asphalt and concrete were covered in a twisting twining knotted array of bright colourful tubes, tunnels, tracks, and ticking clocks. Every inch covered in the scrambling figures of Cassy’s chaotic crew, each doing their best to keep things running as they should.

  The ball struck home, three rows of dominoes began to tumble over, heading out into the city. Each tumbling row causes further chain reactions. Setting balls rolling on tracks, launching objects into the air, starting small fires to burn through taut strings, and knocking pendulums swinging. The myriad screens around the bleachers split and split and split, to show as many perspectives as they could, as the whole city came alive with sound, movement and colour.

  Fireworks were released into the air, great basins of bright sparkling fluid were released to wash down thoroughfares, leaving them shiny and clean. Great towering old buildings, long abandoned or condemned, burst into patterns of lasers and lights, falling down in contained clouds of glittering dust and debris.

  As each shelter around the city opened their doors, the people inside exited just in time to see the city wide chain reaction pass right in front of them, releasing from crates and boxes treats, toys, and entertainers.

  What started with a simple tap of a hammer on a brown wooden ball careened and cavorted throughout the entire city in wobbles and waves, criss-crossing through back and forth up down and all around, weaving wondrous works of whimsy across the formerly gloomy, and somewhat gory, streets.

  There were brief moments of panic from the audience, as components might seem to fail, or events started to go awry. Great wooden wheels falling off of tracks heading straight for bleachers, only to veer off at just the right moment and keep the reaction going. A collapsing water tower nearly crashed down upon another group of bystanders, before a burst of cold air blasted into it, leaving them with a glittering icy roof that was drawn away and melted by a flaming wheel of cheese.

  All good things however must come to an end, as the last sounds began to fade, and the dust and smoke settled, the citizens of the city were given one final surprise. The views on the screens pulled back to show the whole city, while others flew down through at ground level. Every street, every building, every tree, and blade of grass, had been polished clean. Potholes fixed, lines repainted, old broken buildings replaced by bright shining new ones. Broken walls, windows, doors, and bridges, made better than new. Most of the city, while shiny and clean had retained it’s boring urban aesthetic, but any part that had needed a little more of Cassy’s special tender affection, shone brightly with patterns and colours from her own personal favorite pallets.

  *****

  Cassy lay on the ground at the top of the hill, limbs splayed out like a star. “Well Barty, how did it go? Any disasters? I’m afraid to look.”

  “Everything went off without a hitch, have no fear. I’m sending recordingings to everyone as we speak. Oooh! Or maybe we could have a viewing party!” Barty replied through a nearby speaker.

  Cassy sat up with a grin, pumping her gloved fist into the air.” Wooo! I knew we could do it! Ruby Goldenburger eat your heart out! Now no one will dare disparage clowns and joy, and fun on the mesh ever again!”

  “No, they probably still will.”

  Cassy pouted. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Some people just hate being happy. That’s ok though!” She stood up, shaking off her pout, and striking a heroic pose. “That just means we will have to try even harder! No frown will evade being turned upside down! Not on our watch!”

  “Oh hey, where is our watch?” She asked the speaker bee.

  “Time Flies is currently in the west end park, putting children in bubbles.”

  “Oh, good for her. Hey Bike, Trashy! Lets go check out the 100ft bouncy castle! I bet people can’t wait to move into it. We did make sure the kitchens aren’t bouncy right? Safety first!”

  Cassy and Bike rode into the city, followed closely by a galumphing trash bag, and a large bee clutching a speaker. There was still a bit of cleanup to take care of, but it could wait a little longer. First there were hugs to give, hands to shake, ice cream to eat, and castles to bounce.

  Discord Link) Their idle comment about a Goldberg catalogue was just the thing to break my writers block and inspire my fickle muse. You da best AZ!