So maybe my night of sleep hadn’t been the best, and maybe my morning had been a bit slow. But I had work to do and a guest to entertain, so I had to get out of bed eventually.

  Thankfully, there wasn’t a ton that I needed to take care of, mostly st-minute cleaning and making sure there weren’t any references to my real identity out – neither Luna nor I were fond of pictures of ourselves, so none were around. With the slow morning, however, the cleaning ended up sting until Melody arrived, meaning I never got a chance to let my worries fester – which would usually be a good thing.

  I stood behind the open door, my tail swishing behind me. I’d gone with one of my old outfits, the urge to buy more clothes from my dream still ringing in my ears while I was getting dressed. Regardless Mel’s eyes lit up when she saw me, and she pulled me into a full-body hug.

  “Hi Sarah, it’s nice to see you.”

  I let go first, backing off with a teasing smile. “I missed you too.”

  She ughed, following my lead inside and looking around. Our apartment was cramped and ugly, the kitchen cabinets too small and too few to fit my supplies as well as enough dishes. The walls were a yellowed cream colour, something I preferred to think had been an intentional paint choice, rather than a progressive dirtying. And stly, our sofa, despite how soft it was, was a mess, the cushions always spilling out or getting shoved too deep.

  “It’s… homey,” Mel said generously.

  “It’s affordable,” I deadpanned, walking past the kitchen. I stopped, turning to my… friend. “Would you like water? Tea?”

  “Oh, no… I’m alright,” she said, turning away and flushing slightly. “So, are we really going to…”

  I shrugged. “If you want to. Again, it’s up to you. My view is skewed by the fact that I’m already kind of used to the idea of complete strangers seeing me naked.”

  She hesitated. “It just seems… Is it not more embarrassing when someone you know sees you, rather than a complete stranger?”

  I winced, not wanting to expin that Melody was a complete stranger, at least from one side, given that she knew nothing about the real me.

  “I’m comfortable with you,” I said simply.

  “Okay. I’m convinced – show me where the magic happens,” she giggled.

  I grabbed her hand and led her further in. When we got to the door to the bedroom, Snuffles darted past us. “And that’s my roommate’s cat – she can be kind of skittish.”

  “Aww, if only there was another feline for me to pet…” Melody teased.

  We giggled and entered the room, where the bed was, all neat and made, ready to be corrupted. Mel looked around while I got out my equipment, extending out the tripod and locking the legs in pce.

  “So… uh,” she started, looking at me with a curious expression, “Where’s the other bedroom?”

  I stared back. “Other bedroom?”

  A look of horror slowly washed over her face, increasing my confusion. “Yes,” she stressed, “Where does your roommate sleep?”

  I turned to the bed, mind whirring. It’s not a big deal if Luna and I share a bed, she’s a lesbian and I’m…

  Oh.

  “I swear it’s not like that,” I pleaded, turning back and waving my hands in front of me in a pcating gesture.

  Mel stared, both eyebrows raised.

  “It’s.. well–” I stammered, trying to find an expnation that didn’t reveal more than I wanted to.

  “Sarah, I know you’ve been kind of mysterious and I’ve tried to respect your privacy, but if this is going to go any further, I’m going to need some answers.” She crossed her arms, standing her ground with a scowl.

  I stumbled back, letting myself fall and sit on the edge of the bed. My ears fttened against my head, and I looked down at the floor, trying to think my way out of the situation.

  What would I need to tell her to make this make sense? I could cim I was trans and leave out all of the complicated reasons I’m doing this, but I would still have to tell her about my shapeshifting and then she might ask to see my real body and…

  And like she said, this is only necessary if this was going to go further, but it isn’t, right? I already knew that this was temporary fun because Sarah isn’t real – so if I have to end it prematurely to protect my secret…

  At that moment I really wished I’d experimented more with my shapeshifting so I could remove my tear ducts or mess with my hormones. As it was, I couldn’t look up at Mel while I spoke. “There’s no excuse. Luna is gay and I’m attracted to her. We’ve been sleeping in the same bed since before you and I met.”

  A moment of silence passed before she responded. “Why didn’t you just tell me before?” she pleaded, “I’ve already shown that I’m okay with you having sex with other people because of your job, and it’s not like we’re even at a stage where exclusivity would be expected, I don’t understand why you just said she was your roommate and invited me over here like I wouldn’t notice that there was only one bed…” She seemed unable to decide between ranting and begging, her tone and pacing constantly shifting.

  I winced. “I didn’t think it mattered…?”

  “You didn’t think it mattered that you were already in some kind of retionship before you started going on dates with me?”

  “No it’s– Luna and I aren’t even together!”

  “Then what are you?!” Her feet stepped towards me at the top of my vision.

  “We’re just friends – We’ve known each other forever, so it didn’t seem like a big deal to share a bed…”

  Melody scoffed above me. “You just admitted that you’re attracted to her! How is it supposed to make me feel better that your childhood best friend that you’re really close with and attracted to shares your bed? Please, at least tell me concretely that she isn’t attracted to you…”

  I thought back to when I’d first shown Luna a picture of Sarah. My ears twitched, “Well…”

  “Holy shit, Sarah… I’m giving you one st chance: give me something, anything to make this situation make sense to me.”

  I finally looked up, her betrayed eyes blurry through mine. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

  She remained still for a moment, unable to believe that was it, and stormed off, the front door smming shut a few seconds ter.

  I let the sound echo through the apartment, feeling the weight of her leaving, and crawled onto the bed I’d so neatly made earlier. I curled up, pulling my tail up to my face and burying myself in its soft comfort.

  Stupid Sarah – you’re not even real and yet I have to deal with your dumb feelings.

  —

  Having such a free schedule was a blessing as much as it was a curse. Sure, having the freedom to take an entire afternoon to cry and mope was nice, in one sense. If I’d had a normal job I certainly wouldn’t be happy about needing to go into the office with streaky makeup and red eyes.

  But at the same time, my feelings lingered and festered in a way that they wouldn’t otherwise. Because I didn’t need to, I didn’t leave my apartment – didn’t even leave my bedroom – meaning that the whole conversation I’d had with Melody was still there, just a couple metres away, pying over and over – the lines and gestures blurring until it was impressionistic sludge, a dark spot on my eyelid when my eyes were tightly shut.

  Yes, having few responsibilities compared to other adults was nice, until you didn’t complete the one thing you were supposed to do and had to deal with the gnawing guilt from the fact that even given an entire day, I couldn’t bring myself to cook dinner – something other, functional people did even after a full-time job.

  Was this a consequence of my own unreality? Was Sarah reaching the limits of her illusory form, the inevitable horizon where the little bits of backstory I’d given her started to conflict and fall apart?

  It was hard, even for me, to sort through everything I’d said about Sarah. There was the information I’d given to my employers, the conversations I’d had with Luna, the date with Mel…

  But that wasn’t it, was it? Because I’d also told someone else about who Sarah was: myself. I’d come up with her ‘character’, the way she should act, and that wasn’t tied to reality any more than Sarah’s ‘freence photography’ or the ID card she’d used.

  On the other hand, was there really a definition of existing that didn’t fit Sarah? She certainly had a physical body – and that body did things and was perceived by others and felt things and…

  Wasn’t it Greg that was behind on those metrics? While he had a body, at least as much as Sarah did, and he did things – some of the time – most of his feelings these days were stolen from Sarah, and was he really ever perceived by others?

  Sure, Luna saw his body, but did he ever get seen like Sarah did when Mel caught on to her tic to show she was lying, or when Alice expertly read Sarah’s feelings while they were having sex? Those were examples of not just being seen as a face in a crowd, but an individual, a complete person, and the closest Greg had ever gotten to feeling that way was when Luna had been looking through him to try to see Sarah.

  And maybe that wasn’t really true; maybe there had been times where Luna had been talking about how much she appreciated Greg’s friendship, and that was something that was meaningful. But wasn’t there also the sense that she’d feel that way and more with Sarah – at least if she was given the context of who Sarah was, where she’d come from?

  What would actually happen if Sarah and Luna were roommates – if they shared the same bed, shared their lives with each other? It was hard to imagine, given how Sarah’s life had been fragmented and isoted, never allowing anyone to breach past their preordained bel – I’d certainly seen what happened when one part of her life collided with another on Saturday night, and again today.

  Could it be possible to reconcile all of my lies? To piece together the little fragments of Sarah and stick them together with Greg’s existing retionships – his family?

  Maybe, just a little bit, I thought it was possible.

  And so, when I heard Luna get home, the door closing across the house and her footsteps growing closer, I remained in my body – choosing not to change back into Greg’s.