Luna and I stared at each other, our thoughts inscrutable to each other.

  Did she have a half-day at work? No – her bosses are terrible; there’s no way.

  My mind scrambled for an expnation, spinning and spinning until my memory tched onto the detail I’d missed: ‘on a Saturday afternoon, I’d probably be drawing,’ Melody had said.

  Oh no.

  “Um, hey Sarah… what’re you… Do you know where G– my roommate is?” she stammered, watching me with a baffled look on her face.

  “He…” my ears twitched above my head, “He was just here, and he let me in, before saying he needed to go down to… check the mail. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here – should I go get him?”

  “No, I’m sure he’ll show up at some point,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. Her gaze floated up above my head. “So you’re...”

  My tail curled down, hiding behind my back and staying still. “Um, actually, do you have…” I gnced around the kitchen for something I knew we didn’t have, “Cream of tartar? I was going to make snickerdoodles, and Greg wasn’t sure if we– if you had any.”

  Luna held her confused expression for a moment, frozen, before shaking her head. “I have no clue what that even is… Do you need me to go pick some up for you?”

  I turned away, hiding my shame, “Um, if you don’t mind, that would be really helpful.”

  She sighed, although I wasn’t sure if she intended me to be able to hear it, and walked over to the bedroom to grab her purse. “Alright, I’ll give you some space – I shouldn’t be longer than fifteen. It was nice meeting you, Sarah,” she called over her shoulder as she left out the front door.

  As soon as she’d locked the door again, I let out a long relieved breath,

  That was a close one…

  —

  When Luna came back, carrying a tiny container of cream of tartar along with a pint of ice cream, I’d already shifted back and gotten well into making dinner. Unfortunately, I hadn’t gotten nearly as far in my excuse making as I had my cooking.

  Luna shrugged off her purse and slipped out of her shoes, sighing as she walked into the kitchen to put the ice cream away. Once she’d done that, and spped the spice she’d gone to get onto the counter, she stared at me with one raised eyebrow.

  After a moment of silence she finally spoke. “So, where’s Sarah?”

  “Oh, she was suddenly feeling sick – you know how it is,” I said, pointing to above my head and rolling my eyes.

  “Yes… Fox-girls are known for getting sick, of course.” She rolled her eyes back, but the tone felt different when she did it.

  I turned around, checking on the vegetables in the oven and trying to ignore the bitterness in my stomach.

  “Look, you know it’s fine if you—" She heaved a frustrated sigh. "It's fine if you want to invite your friend over for dinner, right? It’s your apartment,” despite her words, she said them with a tone between irritated and lecturing.

  “Well I did, and she had to suddenly bail. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it beforehand, and even if you haven’t had to pay rent yet, the fact that you said you’re pnning on contributing next month means that it’s your apartment too,” I retorted, still not facing her.

  “That’s not… I just want you to talk to me,” she pleaded, sounding closer than ever.

  I stepped away before turning around, gring. “Well I already said that I’m sorry for not telling you, what more do you want?!”

  Luna stood her ground, gring right back, but not saying anything, letting my own guilt dig at me from the inside out. After a handful of seconds, once it was clear I wasn’t going to budge, she huffed and stormed off to the bedroom without a word.

  I continued cooking, trying to hold onto my indignance to keep the shame at bay.

  What’s her problem? It's not my fault she walked in on me in the wrong body – well it kind of is but, she has no right to…

  I quickly ran out of fuel when I thought about the st thing she said. Any issue I could come up with was my fault for not telling her: she didn’t know I was hanging out in my fem body in the kitchen, she didn’t know it was me, I lied to her the whole time, and after all of that, it was no wonder she was frustrated with my ck of answers.

  I turned off the oven and the burner, sighing and leaning on the counter. The growing nausea in my stomach really was the perfect poetic justice.

  —

  Thankfully Luna was – well, she wasn’t happy, but she was willing to stay out of the apartment most of Sunday, and the little time we spent in the same room, the two of us simply pretended the other wasn’t there.

  I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be mad about at this point, but it seemed like that was what was expected of me, so I moped and sulked and slept on the couch with all of my might all the way until Monday, when it finally came time to go to work.

  Grumbles escaped me while getting ready. In all of the events from the previous day and the night before that, I’d forgotten to wash my one set of women’s clothes I had. Thankfully I still had underwear, but when it came to my shirt and pants I was back to making do with old clothes.

  I was also starting to feel the pressure of social obligations. I’d enjoyed my time wonderfully with Melody, but I felt like there was an expectation for me to run with that, continuing our retionship with a call and a series of endless texts, and – given that I needed to call my mom, meet new people for my job, and fix my retionship with my roommate, I wasn’t sure I had the social energy to want to do that immediately.

  Adding on to all of that was my dysphoria. I’d been spending my days almost exclusively as Sarah, save for the parts Luna was around, most of which was spent asleep.

  The point was that my feelings about my body were confused and distracting. I didn’t feel the same overwhelming sensations I’d identified as dysphoria anymore, having grown more used to the body, but if I wasn’t feeling dysphoria, then…

  Then that must mean I was bad at identifying it. It was probably something that cis people had a hard time figuring out, but in my case, it could still invisibly ruin my day, making my mood poor even though I only spent half the time feeling dysphoric.

  Going into the offices as human-Sarah was also strange. There was a sense of things being missing and of others being in the wrong pce, but it was pretty mild, given all of the other body shenanigans going on, so I could push through it pretty easily. Even if I was interested in posting fox stuff on my solo account, I wasn’t as interested in being under the scrutiny of a film crew and my bosses, not to mention the rger audience.

  So I spent most of the subway ride over with my head hung, trying not to worry about what I was about to do, trying not to twitch ears and a tail that didn’t exist, and trying not to think about how much easier this would be if I just told Luna what was going on. She could help me with my dysphoria and the clothes and I wouldn’t have to sneak around…

  But on the other hand, what I was doing was frustratingly shameful. Not only was I imitating a woman for profit – taking a job opportunity away from a real woman in the process – but it was all so sexual. Sarah loved that and I hated it and Sarah hated it and it was just all so humiliating, and I didn’t understand why.

  What was it about Melody that made telling her possible, while telling my best friend was impossible? Why was I a stupid idiot that chose a job that I couldn’t even tell the people closest to me about?

  Suffice it to say, I wasn’t in the best mood when I arrived, walking past Mia with a wave and ending up back at one of the few onsite sets. By the time I entered the room, there were already a few people meandering about, checking equipment and angling cameras.

  One of those people was my co-star, Alice. Alice was a pretty woman: short, with straight bck hair, and a wide, teeth-fshing smile. When she saw me, her expression immediately brightened and she ran up to me, motioning to initiate a hug but waiting for my input.

  I hugged her as she bounced up and down, giddy energy revitalising my dour morning.

  “Sarah, right? It’s so nice to meet you – I’m really excited to be working with you today,” she gushed as we exited our embrace.

  I smiled tentatively back, “Is that because of me, or it is because you get to rex doing a newbie shoot?” I asked, referring to how Mx. Willow’s email had expined that my trail shoot would be low-stakes.

  Alice’s smile didn’t fall, but some of the excitement in her eyes dwindled. “Of course it’s for you, silly, have you seen yourself?” She beckoned me forwards, further into the set.

  I followed, ughing softly, “Sorry, I had an off weekend so I’m being a bit of a downer when I shouldn’t. What I should’ve said was: Thanks, and I’m looking forwards to working with you too – you’re very pretty.”

  She ughed softly back, brightness returning to her eyes. “For a second there, I was doubting Mia’s judgement – but as I’ve learned, never doubt Mia…” she said, eyeing me mischievously.

  “Oh god, are people talking about me already?” I whined, embarrassed more than anything else.

  She stopped us in front of the bed, ughing again. “Only good things – it’s not often that we get new hires and even then…” she looked me up and down, leaving the rest unsaid.

  Bitterness welled up in my gut, as was now becoming a pattern. I didn’t do anything to deserve my body; it’d been all luck. So for her to praise me like that, like I’d done something amazing, when I hadn’t even gone through the struggles that real women did growing up…

  “Yeah,” I responded after a moment, huffing a ugh afterwards. “So…” I gestured towards the bed, “What’s the script here?”

  She shook her head. “No script, just you and me. We have a bit of time to get to know each other, talk about what makes us tick, but other than that… We just have instructions to go at it in this here bed and let the crew take care of the rest.”

  I smiled nervously. “So uh… what’s your preferred way to go at it?”

  Alice giggled, pcing a hand on my arm, “Well, I really like to take a strap – I’m pretty much submissive all the way.” She waved a hand at the bed, “Of course, on here I can do whatever, but usually I’m on the bottom. What about you?”

  “Oh,” I let out, turning to face the bed, “Um…” I hesitated, wondering if I should tell her my preferences from when I was Greg, the preferences I’d invented for Sarah, or what I was actually feeling right now. I’d pnned on saying I was up for whatever, but with that being eminently realisable…

  “Hey,” she said, concern in her voice, “No wrong answers. I’m very experienced, and if I need to cater to your preferences, that’s my job right now.”

  “I’m not interested in… giving strap,” I admitted, turning back to face her. “I’m actually pretty inexperienced with women, but when it comes to men, I like it when they take charge.”

  “Alright,” she said, soft smile on her face, “Do you want me to take charge, then?”

  I nodded shyly.

  “I can do that,” she nodded, “Anything else I should know about your body? Like if you really like when someone sucks your breasts, or eats you out…?”

  I shook my head, “I don’t really know.”

  “Well, you’re a lot braver than I was, when I first came here.” Alice grabbed one of my hands between both of hers and squeezed, staring at me with an intense seriousness on her face that I hadn’t seen thus far, “Sarah, the most important thing to remember is that you can say no at any time, even in the middle of filming – especially in the middle of filming. No one will get mad at you for tapping out, and if they do, the bosses will have their asses, not yours. They take our comfort very seriously, so don’t ever push through something you’re uncomfortable with. Okay?”

  I nodded, some of the bitterness built up over the morning dissipating. It felt nice to have someone on my side.

  —

  I y back on the bed, completely uncovered, while Alice kneeled off to the side, waiting for her cue to pounce. The grey ceiling, covered in soft angur shadows from the studio lights, stared back at my nervous face, asking if I was really ready. I nodded, half to it and half to myself, just as one of the people working the cameras called out, “And… action!”

  Questions about the editing process and whether what was happening right now would end up in the final product fshed through my mind, but were quickly blown away by the prowling Alice coming after me on all fours.

  When she finally climbed over me, her naked breasts dangling above mine and her smirking face staring down at me, she waited for a moment, savouring, before snaking her hand up my torso and cupping my cheek. I leaned into the touch, resisting the urge to let my mouth hang open for a moan or to let my eyeshes flutter, thinking it was too early.

  With a gentle pull, Alice brought my lips up to meet hers, softly touching in a chaste embrace. She then backed off slightly, giving me room to sit up, and directed me to sit under her, angled towards the side of the bed so that one of the cameras would be able to capture the cross-section of our next kiss. The first had been for me, but from here on out, it would be for them too.

  This time I couldn’t help but flutter my eyeshes shut as Alice leaned onto my body, turning her head slightly so that our lips came together more solidly. Our kiss deepened immediately, although she hadn’t advanced with her tongue yet – something I was becoming increasingly aware of.

  Her hand cupping my cheek moved back to hold my jaw under my ear, pulling me closer as her mouth worked against mine, dexterously sliding around my movements, effortlessly capturing one of my lips between her own and sucking lightly. Her eyes opened to meet mine and there was so much character just in the little bit of her face I could see. The corners of her eyes crinkled in amusement and she winked, even as her brow remained sternly focused.

  When she finally let her tongue escape the bounds of its prison, she did so from a distance, opening her mouth a couple of centimetres from mine and darting her tongue across the gap, its swirling movements asking for mine to meet hers. I did so, reminded of our audience – both hypothetical, when the video was finished, and immediate, in the crew and cameras surrounding us.

  My hand, the one back towards the headboard, away from the camera we were focused on, grasped for hers, finding it and squeezing, asking for reassurances. She squeezed back, understanding without words my feelings and slowing down her motions, nguishing in each moment our tongues pressed against each other. Her other hand came down from my jaw and brushed over my torso, exploring the goosebumps forming on my skin with dull scratches from her nails going one way and warm caresses going the other.

  I shivered, first moan of many escaping my mouth when she cupped my breast, thumb brushing the already-stiff tip. She grinned at my reaction, taking charge of our positioning once more to y me back onto the pillows, face up, while she straddled my legs, head just below mine.

  Her mouth came down to my neck, licking, sucking, and biting my skin in turn – starting softly, and then, when I reacted with little gasps and csping the sheets in my hand, she amped it up, never quite feeling like she was going all out, but biting just hard enough to make me twitch. Even as she vished my neck with her adoration, she never leaned in all the way, keeping a window for the camera to her side to capture each of her movements. It was striking to me, how much skill she was demonstrating, both in her dexterity and in her situational awareness.

  All this time her hands were free to do as they pleased, kneading and pinching my chest with just the right amount of force. The rhythms of her mouth and two hands blended together, working me up while having softer peaks of pleasure for me to gasp and moan at along the way. When I briefly closed my eyes, it felt as if there were three separate people with their full attention devoted to me, all taking turns at drawing noises out of my mouth.

  Going into the experience, I’d thought it would feel like it was taking forever, like I had to work for every moment on the camera – which was something I’d felt while filming myself, likely exacerbated by the fact that I had to work the camera and edit on my own. Alice, however, made the experience so effortless, so natural, that I didn’t even have time to think about the fact that I was having sex with a woman – not to mention my own body. Things just flowed – before I knew it, her mouth was on my chest and her fingers were between my legs.

  The worst part was that she wasn’t even touching me with her fingers, instead miming the action of rubbing up and down my lips, because, in the short time she’d known me, she already figured out how sensitive I was and knew that she would have no issues getting me to come when the time came. She knew that if she touched me now, I would explode prematurely, messing up the pacing of our video, so she just teased me, looking up with a smirk in her eyes in between kisses on my nipples.

  Once that moment finally came however, when she’d scooted down to rest her cheek on my inner thigh, watching me with satisfaction as I covered my mouth with one hand, trying to save my sore throat and white-knuckled the headboard with the other, bracing for what was to come.

  She moved her head forward and up, hovering above me and asking a silent question with her eyes. I nodded shyly, and, just before she went in for the kill, I considered what our viewers would think of that moment, if they would repy that shy nod, thinking about how I felt just before being ravished.

  All of my thoughts were blown away by a single swipe of her tongue. I had already felt her dexterity with the muscle all over my body, and yet, in the pce I was most sensitive, I gained a whole new appreciation for how it pressed and wiggled and dug into yet-untouched folds. Her entire mouth cmped down on me, lips forming a seal around the edges as she sucked on my clit and immediately drove her tongue in below. Maybe the script said to py it out a bit longer, but she could read my face, and my face said I was past ready.

  Both of my arms shot to the sides, grabbing at the mattress and pushing to keep myself upright. I would’ve loved to grab her head from behind, but my actions were completely out of my control. The moan that escaped me was no different, the long, raspy cry showing off just how worn out my throat was, how desperate I was to feel the pleasure’s end. My lower back lifted, squirming back and forth while my legs flexed and cmped down on her shoulders

  I stared into the studio lights and felt everything come together as one – and suddenly it was all too much.

  Alice was already slowing down, but I tapped the top of her head, signalling her I was too sensitive, and she slowed down even further, tongue moving through my folds gcially slowly. I rexed, heaving out a long sigh and lowering my hips finally. I hadn’t even noticed a distinct orgasm, my pleasure instead blending together in one messy blur. Even now, as Alice pped at the lower half of my pussy, my euphoria lingered, mind hazy and ethereal despite my attempts to focus.

  After a few moments of rest, however, Alice leaned up, quirking one eyebrow. “So, you ready for the second round?”

  I groaned, and not in a sexy way. “What second round?” I mumbled.

  She kissed my lower lips one more time, showing me that yes, my body could go another round, but rolled off of me, giggling softly. “I think that was a really good first performance though. Do you need anything right now, emotionally? Are you a cuddler?”

  I sighed, relieved it was over as much as I was happy it’d happened. I felt exhausted, and I didn’t have the restraint not to open my arms in an invitation, although I did restrain myself from sprouting my ears and tail.

  “Mmm, thank you Alice…” I murmured, pulling her face into my colrbone as the crew around us began moving.