Zara pulled out a datapad while still rubbing my hand to calm my nerves. I had honestly been very skeptical of her at first given her appearance, but unlike her being what my parents would describe as a ‘godless heathen’ she had been nothing but exceptionally kind to me. It was slightly jarring to experience one of the people my parents would’ve hated the most as she was. She was accepting, understanding, and non-judgmental and the two realities were colliding in my brain violently.

  Maybe she would turn around and show her true colors sometime, but right now she was the only thing keeping me together and I wouldn’t let go of that. I watched with curiosity as she typed away on her datapad, something I had never been allowed to have since the technology was a much too dangerous opening for the poisons of the devil to seep in. The last time I had seen something like it was at a Sunday sermon on the fall of humanity into the devil’s clutches. Yet somehow, the soft glow, while vaguely intimidating, seemed almost normal, even safe, in her hands. She seemed to be typing from what I could gather but with the way she was angled, I couldn’t see what it was.

  “What are you doing with that thing?” My voice was apprehensive but curious.

  “Oh, I’m asking another crew member to bring you some clothes. She’s about your size and a bit of a tomboy, so her clothes should fit you even if you’re slightly shorter than her,” she didn’t glance up as she replied, seemingly wanting to finish the message quickly to give her attention back to me.

  Hearing that I was smaller than three women already was rather jarring. I typically was taller than most people I encountered and being so much closer to the ground was an experience I never thought I’d go through again. I hadn’t felt so vulnerable in a long time either, my diminished size was sending my anxiety through the ceiling.

  “Okay, I’m sorry for that,” Zara spoke while stashing her datapad away in the pocket of her labcoat, “Riley is on her way over with some clothes for you, though I can’t do too much about sizing since you’re bigger than her.”

  I can’t help but tilt my head in confusion, “but you just said I was smaller, didn’t you.”

  Zara lets out a soft giggle before stifling it quickly, though her smile remains. “Honey, you are shorter, but not smaller, at least not in certain aspects. Your proportions are a bit more filled out than hers.” Her eyes glance down at my chest and then back up to me.

  I was beginning to think this blush I felt would be permanent if things like this kept happening.

  “Do you remember me taking your measurements during the exam?” She asks, with a grin, “You’re not enormous, but you’re pretty well endowed for your size.”

  I appreciated her help but also didn’t know how much of her teasing I could take. I couldn’t understand what the warm feeling bubbling up inside me was. It was almost like I didn’t actually mind it despite feeling like I was about to implode.

  “I’ll keep it written down for you in the future, but in case you were curious, your bra size is a 32D and you sit squarely at five-foot-two. From my observations, you’re also in peak physical health, so at least that aspect of the reconstruction worked properly.”

  Sparks flew as the gears in my brain turned in response to this new information. Was a 32D big? I’m only five-two now? Were there going to be any other reveals I wasn’t ready for? The questions flew through my head as if they were starships of their own traveling faster than light.

  The now familiar sound of the door tore my thoughts from me as Zara and I turned to face the newcomer. The woman was panting in the doorway, holding a bundle of clothes in her arms.

  “Sorry! Came as fast as I could,” her voice sounded out, sweet and melodic.

  Her appearance caused an earthquake in my brain and fear enveloped my heart at the sight.

  She was near my height from what I could see, though maybe a couple inches or so taller, and wearing a tight tank top with baggy cargo pants. Her pants were tucked into black, military-style boots and I could see a holster with a pistol strapped to her side.

  Her clothes were the only part that my brain could comprehend. Vein-like markings traveled over her skin that glowed softly with a light greenish-blue hue. Her hair was pulled back into a bun but it had the same glow as her skin, though all the glowing parts seemed to be fluctuating with her breathing as if responding to her. Contrasting the light emanating from her was unnatural, near pitch-black skin.

  I hopped up quickly, being less tired now, and pulled my hand away from Zara’s in favor of putting the bed between me and this strange woman.

  “D-demon!”

  Both Zara and the woman stared at me with flabbergasted looks. Zara glanced between us quickly then stood up, walking over to me slowly and carefully. I allowed her to do so but kept my eyes firmly on the demon, ready to escape as soon as I could.

  “No, no, sweetie,” Zara’s soft, motherly voice had returned, “she’s no demon, she’s a Noctari. Riley is part of a race of humans from the planet Velara but still very human nonetheless.”

  I feel Zara’s hand softly place itself on my shoulder.

  “She’s just a person, like you or me. That glow is just as much a part of her as your hair is attached to you. She’s nothing to be feared, she’s a sweet girl.”

  My eyes darted between Zara and the strange woman but I shook my head to clear it.

  “N-no, I won’t be tricked into trusting a demon, a-anyone who uses that genetic altering has been corrupted by the devil!” I say with certainty, that I had grown my entire life learning that gene tech was evil and not to be trusted.

  Riley shifts her posture, looking hurt and uncomfortable but unsure what to do about it. The sight of her sends a pang of guilt through my heart but I knew that was just her way of tempting me closer.

  “Cassie, that’s enough,” I stiffened as Zara shifted to a firm voice, “I will not tolerate any disrespect to my friends even if you have never encountered a noctari before.”

  My eyes glance over to Zara in confusion. She thought this demon was her friend? Had she been tricked into falling for her traps?

  “B-but…”

  “No, Cassie.” Zara interrupts my retort with a firm voice and I flinch, “Plus, I’ve used gene alterations plenty as well. I don’t dye my hair, it naturally grows like this due to gene alterations. Do you consider me a demon as well?”

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  Were these her true colors? Was she a demon too? No, that couldn’t be. Even though this situation I was in might have been partly her fault, her concern and care for me seemed to be genuine and the guilt I felt towards Riley only built further as I stared at Zara, conflict written all over my face.

  “I didn’t…I mean I just…I-...” My words failed me as my brain wrestled with itself over the situation.

  My eyes started to well up with tears for the third time today and before I knew it I was instantly pulled into a tight hug. My body started to shake as I was overwhelmed with emotion. I was never given this level of affection, men weren’t supposed to give hugs often but this stranger made it feel like the most natural thing in the world. My arms hesitated for a moment as the conflict in my brain wavered but I eventually grabbed at Zara’s lab coat to pull her closer. I needed this.

  “Just because someone is different doesn’t mean they are evil. I know that’s a common thought process on New Eden but I’m telling you now that everyone has a right to be who they are and do what they want to do as long as it’s not hurting anyone,” Zara’s soft tone had returned as she gently brushed through my hair with her fingers. It was a strange sensation but extremely pleasant to feel, “Riley here is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, and I know would step in front of a bullet for me if given the opportunity. I’m not asking you to trust her outright, but just give her a chance and I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

  It was a long moment before I spoke again. My mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts that I couldn’t decipher and I was barely able to speak at all.

  “I-...I’m sorry…” my voice cracked.

  Zara leaned back slightly to look at me and when I glanced up I could see her giving me a soft smile.

  “I very much appreciate it, but I think someone else deserves that apology,” her gaze turns to Riley who was still standing in the doorway looking nervous.

  I take a deep breath and nod slowly. It took all my courage to pull away from Zara’s comforting embrace but I was a man and needed to take accountability for my actions.

  I stepped around the bed and walked towards Riley, still cautious but willing to push through my fear. Everyone deserved a chance.

  “O-oh, you don’t have to, I understand completely, I’ve met people like that before who aren-”

  I step close and hold out my hand as an olive branch.

  “I’m very sorry for judging you, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” my voice soft and nervous but still direct. I needed to make amends.

  Riley's face was etched with conflict and though I was barely holding off from shaking in fear, I had made up my mind. God made everyone equal, so maybe there was just a misunderstanding going on here. I needed to be open-minded to these people, otherwise, how could I expect them to be open-minded to me?

  A moment later, Riley takes my hand and gives it a firm shake. “I forgive you, thank you for the apology."

  Riley set out the clothes neatly on the hospital bed; it seemed that despite the terrible introduction she was still eager to talk to me.

  “Yeah, you should’ve seen how panicked Dare was when he saw our target’s ship crash into the building. He’s actually the one who found you and brought you back for Zara to fix you up. It was brutal, dude. You didn’t have legs or arms, you barely even, it was like totally caved in and stuff. We couldn’t even identify your face, but it’s definitely good that we could save you. I know Dare would’ve been devastated if we couldn’t, though of course, Zara did all the work.”

  The words flowed out of her mouth without a hint of stopping. I simply nodded along, though it felt strange to hear of myself like that. ‘I really could’ve just…died’. I thought while I looked over the clothes she was laying out. I was relieved to see a simple tee in the mix but the rest of it was worrisome, especially what she laid out last.

  A bra and a pair of panties.

  “Cassie,” Zara’s words breaking Riley’s word stew, “do you want me to tell her what happened or do you want to wait to do it with everyone?”

  Riley’s eyes flick between us in curiosity. “What do you mean by that?”

  I hung my head slightly, playing with my fingers to distract from the constant anxiety I’ve had since I woke up. It was nerve wracking to think about Riley’s possible reaction to the news as there were so many possibilities, most of them being negative outcomes. I wanted to learn more about this strange girl, to find out if she was really a good person, but this might ruin it. She could be disgusted, might scream at me like my parents do whenever I’m not manly enough, she might just take her clothes back and refuse to help me.

  I shook away the thoughts as I had already made the decision before this even had come up. The only thing stopping me was fear and I couldn’t let it overtake me this time. These people were so kind to me, I had to return the favor even if it ended badly for me.

  I gave a small nod of confirmation to Zara, my eyes fixating on the terrifying view of women’s underwear to distract me from the conversation that was about to happen.

  “Well, something happened during the reconstruction of her body that she wanted to share with everyone,” Zara spoke softly and I could feel her eyes of concern on me.

  “Oh no, is she okay? What went wrong? She’s gonna live, right?” Riley’s questions flowed out like water.

  “Well, nothing went wrong per se,” Zara stated and I glanced at her in confusion. Of course it went wrong, I’m a girl now! “See, the thing is, Cassie was born as a man and became a woman during the procedure.”

  The second it took for Riley to respond felt like an eternity. My breath caught in my throat and my heart beat so loud that I was certain the other two could hear it. I knew she was going to freak out, scream at me for tricking her, maybe hit me then storm out. My body involuntarily tensed as I prepared for the backlash. I knew she wouldn’t be happy but she had the right to know.

  “Oh, that’s it? Phew! I thought you were gonna say she was dying or had some uncurable disease or something, that’s a relief!”

  My head snapped to her and my mouth fell agape instantly.

  “Y-you’re not mad…?”

  “Huh?” Confusion suddenly was written across Riley’s face, “why would I be mad?”

  Her response was baffling. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, wanting to respond but the words I wanted to say were lost to me.

  “Well, Riley,” Zara speaks up, breaking the tension, “how much do you know about Zion-4?”

  Riley puts her finger to her chin to think before responding. “Well, it’s full of those Purist fanatic weirdos from the old Terran Abrahamic religions, no offense Cassie. They, like, tooootally hate anyone who isn’t a part of them. They’re super racist, homophobic, transpho– Ooooh!”

  Huh? Her words threw my head into utter disarray. We were supposed to be God’s people, not weirdos. I wondered if that was really how the rest of the galaxy saw us but shook the thought away. I could worry about that later, I was confused by the words she had said at the end but we weren’t hateful. All we wanted was to be close to God and sinners weren’t a part of that.

  “Anyway, we can talk more about this later,” Zara’s words cut off any retort I was forming, “we do have to get Cassie dressed after all. She’ll be staying with us until we figure this all out.”

  “Oh! Awesome!” Riley did a little jump in excitement, “she’s bunking with Juno, right? She’s the only non-guy without a roommate and Kai doesn’t have a second bed.”

  It seemed I never had to ask Riley what she was thinking as this girl would say it without being asked, but rather than being annoying, I found her bubbly personality rather endearing. Maybe Zara was right about her.

  Wait, I was bunking with Juno?!

  I didn’t have time to consider the implications of that before Riley grabbed the pair of panties and handed them over to me. I stared at them as if they were toxic and couldn’t help but take a step back.

  “Oh, don’t worry. These are actually brand new. I’m not giving you an old pair,” Riley stated with an ignorant grin.

  Her words did nothing to assuage my fears so I continued to stare instead of taking them. I was scared of what putting them on might mean. What they represented in my mind was terrifying.

  Wearing them felt like crossing an invisible line that I hadn’t known was there but I wondered if I’d be able to come back from it. Women’s clothing was something forbidden, and underwear was the peak of that mountain. I wondered if my parents would ever forgive me if I put them on. No, they would scream about sin, damnation, and how I turned against God.

  Then I thought of my brother, my supportive rock throughout my whole life. He was there to stop the bullies from picking on me for hanging with the girls. He was there to defend me from my parents when they went too far. He was there when I needed him most, and I knew now would be the same. He would tell me to be a man, they’re just clothes.

  I slowly reached out to grab the piece of fabric. I needed to do this. This first step was one of many I would have to take in my temporary journey as a woman. If I faltered at this step then I wouldn’t survive the rest of the journey. I needed to keep pushing through.