Randy’s bleeding ankle barely slows him down, and he hurls the hammer at me, forcing me to dodge out of the way as it smashes into the wall, sending stone chips flying. I shake my head.

  “Nope. Try again, fuckface.”

  His next weapon is a brutish-looking greataxe, covered in spikes and chains, and he whirls it around himself. A swirling vortex of fmes begins to build, and I hop back a step, keeping my wings tucked back. My spear isn’t long enough to reach him through the vortex without either suffering some burns or possibly losing my only weapon, so my only option right now is…

  “Thunder Cannon!”

  I fire a bolt of lightning at him, but the fmes seem to swallow it, adding the energy of my attack to themselves. I can see the expanding vortex get bigger as soon as my attack strikes, and, above the roaring, I can hear Randy’s cackle of malicious delight.

  “That’s right, you overgrown goose! You’re not the only one with a buncha O.P gear and stuff! Now, are you gonna do something, or am I gonna get to fme-grill your feathery ass for good?!”

  I keep backstepping as the vortex grows, before I hear the high-pitched sound of gss breaking on the stone.

  “Of course! That ability probably takes a fair amount of MP to keep casting like that! You’ve given me the opening I need!”

  I’m bluffing, but Randy can’t know that for CERTAIN. All I need is him to make one little mistake. Just one single slip-up, and I’ll have my chance…

  Randy’s mind must have been working overtime, because he unches the hurricane of fire right at me. I drop to one knee, shield up and wings tucked in tight, allowing the torrent of raging fmes to pass around and over me, and lunge from my kneeling position as he rushes me.

  “Sky Hammer!”

  I use my dash-and-strike move to propel myself forwards, faster than the arrogant, full-of-himself PKer. My greatshield pounds his nose into the back of his skull and the cacophonous impact rings trough the chamber as Randy goes tumbling ass-over-teakettle, his greataxe skating out of his hands and across the fgstones.

  Flipping himself back onto his feet, Randy thrusts his hands out, and a new pair of weapons manifest in fshes of blue light. “How?! I’ve got an ADVANCED CLASS! You’re still using a basic one, HOW are you this freakin’ tanky?!”

  I grin, using my shield to hide my actions. I open my menu and access my Skill-Forge, crafting something new. Despite the loss of my beloved swordspear and the humiliation of getting my ass kicked by a big shark, I’m starting to remember why this game’s so much fun!

  The skill I create is another buff, like Kamaitachi. However, while Kamaitachi can only be used on sshing-damage weapons, I set this one to work on sshing AND piercing ones. Then, the effect. I quickly add a pair of status applicators, which will let me inflict debuffs on my target. The ones I choose are a really nasty combo.

  “I’m tanky because I understand how to block, instead of just face-rolling the menu like a drunk-ass, you soggy French-fry!”

  Finishing the move, I finalize and pay the creation fee. As soon as I feel the new skill ready, I crouch, and bring my spear up and round in a twirl.

  “Thousand Lances!”

  I unleash a barrage of thrusts, each one that slips past Randy’s guard doing more than just damaging his HP. As soon as I see the trigger for the first debuff, I drop my shield slightly, letting him think he’s spotted an opening.

  Sure enough, Randy goes for it, and I simply let his longsword sm into my armour. It doesn’t even tickle, and the look of sudden disbelief on his face makes me almost howl.

  “What did you do?! Did you buff your defence?!”

  I shake my head. “Nope, I didn’t! Instead, I gave YOU a little present… Damage Down!”

  Then, the second debuff procs, and I smirk. “And there’s the other! Defence Break!”

  I lunge, and Randy, his reflexes slowed by the slowly-dawning realization that I’d just pyed him again, fails to block the thrust I delivered straight to his throat. He sags, slumping to his knees, and I use one armoured foot to gently push him off the head of my spear.

  “Nighty-night, Ragn!”

  I turn and leave, snatching up the greataxe as I go. Mine now!

  As I pass through the dungeon on the way out, I sigh. I get the feeling that ol’ Randy-Pandy isn’t going to call it quits now that I’ve killed him again and stolen his weapon, that’s for damn sure… in a way, I kinda admire his persistence. And hate everything else about him.

  Heading back to the Darkheart Outpost, I finally get that drink in the inn, mulling over what Ulged might be making for me. Asteria joins me, ordering one for herself.

  “Sooo, did you have fun?”

  I shrug noncommittally. “Ah, you know. Same old, same old. Helping someone get a rare item, exploring a dungeon, killing Randy… the usual.”

  Asteria spits half her drink over the bar and earns a dirty look from the barkeep.

  “You did WHAT?!”

  I grin. “Yeah, he was there to try and get a shot at me. He apparently told Anri that he wanted to try and solo the boss, but as soon as she left with the sword, he tried to kill me. I figured he would, though, since, y’know… that’s his default behaviour.”

  Asteria cautiously sips her drink. “I mean, you’re not WRONG about that. He’s not come after me since that time right when we started pying in Tillberry. I guess you’re the bigger thorn in his side right now…”

  We clink our gsses together, and bottoms-up.

  Two days pass, and I’m greeted by a message when I log in again, from Ulged.

  We’re ready. Come tae Bloodbath & Beyond, ssie. I c’n promise yeh, it’ll be a show an’ a half!

  Bolting out of my cabin aboard the Devil Hunter, I find Asteria and Mor sparring, with Genevieve acting as referee, and expin the situation. Morrigan glomps me. “I wanna come too!”

  Giving her an affectionate pat on the back, I nod. “Of course! You’ve never seen Vassim, have you? We’ll have to go on a bit of a tour!”

  “Yaaaaaaay!”

  I smile as Asteria joins us, and we pull out our Rapid Transference Stones. I murmur, “Hold tight, Mor, we’re going to teleport!”

  With a fsh of greenish light, we find ourselves standing just down the street from Ulged’s shop, the Translocation Beacon humming gently as the excess power of our arrival dissipates from it. As Mor stares around, eyes wide, almost bumping into everything in the way, we proceed towards the pyer-owned business, pushing the door open.

  Mor has a minor scare at the sight of Ulged’s familiar, the huge bipedal, fur-covered crocodile Charcoal, who bows his massive head and greets us politely.

  “The master is in the back. He said to let you through straight away. Have a pleasant day, and thank you for your business.”

  I smile. “Thanks, Charcoal. You too!”

  Ushering Morrigan past, Asteria and I head to the back, where the forges are. Ulged’s waiting by one of them with several bags of monster parts, and two sacks of coal.

  “Lassies, guid tae see yehs. Ah’m using some new tricks fer this wee project. First, anthracite coal, in the centre and around the edge. It burns hotter, and will gie us a real bze tae work with.”

  He picks up the smaller of the two sacks. Pouring, he directs a stream of small, shiny bck chunks into a wide ring inside the empty forge, then a heap in the centre.

  “Next, bituminous coal. It’s not as hot, but it burns clean, smokeless, and allows fer greater versatility.”

  He fills in the rest of the forge pit with the contents of the second sack.

  Picking up a red chunk of crystal, he shatters it, sprinkling the powder into the forge. It ignites instantly, the heat already starting to build. Striding over to a rack of hammers, the huge hairy smith runs a meaty paw across them, settling on one of the rger ones with a longer handle.

  “Aye, the 3-pounder. Guid and proper.”

  Striding back, he drags an anvil into pce easily, settling it so it doesn’t rock or shift. “Alright. We jest need t’wait fer one more person. Mah partner in this liddle endeavour. Yeh’ve not met , so Ah’ll mek introductions once everyone’s assembled.”

  Soon, the floor of the shop trembles under our feet. Again and again, as the doors quiver at the approaching footfalls. The door creaks open and I can see a huge shadow on the wall through the crack.

  “Oh come on, game, it’s obvious this character’s tiny.”

  I stare at the lower half of the door as it opens fully, and am confronted with… a pair of knees. My eyes drift up, and up, and UP, until I’m looking into the face of an enormous Gnoll. She’s clearly female, and very attractive in her own way. She’s also like thirteen feet tall, dwarfing even Ulged. He roars, “Lagertha! Wife o’ mine! Guid tae see yeh!”

  She stomps towards him, ducking to squeeze through the door, and picks up the beaming smith under his arms, lifting him like a small puppy, and pnts a smooch right on his hairy, grinning muzzle.

  We all stare, as she puts him down and pats him on the head. Her voice is surprisingly soft, with a husky, warm accent that I don’t quite recognize.

  “Ah, Ulged’s been telling me all about you! Has he been behaving, dies?” she asks, mock-sternly, wagging a paw at him. We all blink.

  Ulged grins, pcing an arm around Lagertha’s waist.

  “Everyone, this is mah wife. We’re married outside the game, I mean. She’s agreed to help me wi’ Kettrin’s weapon. She and I have puit our heids t’gether an’ came up wi’ somethin’ guaranteed t’ knock yer socks off!”

  Lagertha nods. “That’s right. I’m no expert, unlike my husband, but I’m more than willing to lend a… paw, I guess?”

  I blink, then smile. “Thank you very much. I’m Kettrin, and this is Morrigan, and my girlfriend Asteria.”

  Astie smiles and curtseys for the hell of it, while Mor stares in awe at the Amazonian figure of Lagertha. The female Gnoll approaches her husband, and he quickly begins murmuring to her, too quietly for us to hear. Then, he grins.

  “Okay. Fer the haft, we’ll be using… Red Dragon bones! We’ll need tae get this forge far hotter than normal in order tae melt them and form them intae an ingot. Sadly, Ah cannae do it alone. Which is why Ah asked mah lovey tae help me! Love, if’n ye would?”

  As the fmes roar, Ulged piles a quantity of gleaming bones in the heart of the forge, in a stone crucible marked with glowing runes. Lagertha’s eyes begin to glow a soft green, and a gentle ulution rolls forth from her throat as she sways slightly, like an ancient tree in a breeze.

  The fmes turn from red, to white, and then… bck. There’s no heat rolling off them, but the bones are clearly starting to soften, turning a warm pink, then sapphire as they liquefy.

  Steadily, Ulged reaches out, and the fmes part for him as Lagertha’s continuous intonation changes tone and volume subtly. He grasps the crucible, smoke drifting up from where his paw grips the stone, pouring the liquid dragonbone into an ingot mould, casting a long, cylindrical spearhaft from it and quenching it in a trough of oil. The bone rings as he sets it down, a clear note that sounds like premium steel.

  Then, he begins the next step. “Now, we’ll be mekkin’ the heid from summat a wee bit different. Fer this, we’ll be usin’ Soul-steel. Ah’ll need … tae cut mah own throat.”