Chapter 2: First Blood

  Creature: Goblin

  Goblins are a small humanoid sub-race.

  They are typically a green-skinned, hunter/gatherer race, with an intellect like a small child's.

  They are tribal in nature and known to travel together in small groups.

  While an individual goblin is a fairly weak creature, caution must be exercised when encountering a goblin caravan or camp.

  Danger Level: F

  -excerpt from Adventurer's Handbook

  Sufficiently pantsed, Zed made the split-second decision to return to the torii gate. The box had been empty but perhaps there was another clue there, something to help point him in the right direction… wherever that was. Much to his consternation, he was well and truly lost.

  “Ugh. Fucking Ethan was an Eagle scout,” he grumbled. “Should’ve asked him how a compass worked. Or how to measure shadows. Something. Appraisal.”

  Zed took a deep breath. “Well, that hardly seems fair. How many times do I need to use this stupid skill to get some actually useful information?”

  He cast Appraisal on the offering box as well and received a similarly dismal result.

  “You don’t say,” he remarked. Another dead end.

  Frustrated, he passed under the torii once again and moved deeper into the forest, giving the cart—and corpse—a wide berth. The earth was fortunately covered in dense moss and relatively free of hazards, so he was able to cover a good distance in a relatively short amount of time.

  It wasn’t long before the sun had been all but blotted out from the sky. Zed spent this time idly admiring the local flora. Still no fauna to be seen though.

  The real question is, how does Earth time convert in this odd place? How many hours are there in a day?

  The occasional flutter of wings could be heard overhead, and more than once Zed stopped stock-still after hearing a snapping branch nearby—wildlife, he guessed. So far, whatever was out there was more scared of him than he was of it. Overall, it was a pretty monotonous trek.

  There was a small rise just up ahead, and Zed jogged a bit to reach the top and hopefully get his bearings. Something small and fluffy exploded from the undergrowth as he reached the top of the hill and quickly scrabbled down the slope from him.

  Heart pounding, Zed dropped to his knees behind some strange, scraggly flora. What kind of animal had he flushed from the unseen den? He nearly lost sight of the poor creature he'd frightened off when an unearthly shriek assaulted his ears from behind.

  Thwip!

  The air beside his head was displaced by a projectile of some sort. The projectile missed the fleeing creature and stuck into the base of the tree in the basin below. It was an arrow—a crude one at that.

  The same unseen voice shouted in a rage. Zed didn’t understand the language, but it was angry, armed, and approaching. He instinctively dropped to his stomach and attempted to silently blend into his surroundings.

  Another deeper, more gravelly voice called out from the right in answer.

  The second voice was nearly upon Zed; he broke out in a cold sweat for fear of being discovered. Was he seen? Were they coming for him? What were they saying? Footsteps were approaching from both sides. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and clenched his jaw in grim anticipation.

  Please, Sneak, he thought desperately. Please be worth more than Appraisal!

  The footsteps passed him on either side and descended into the basin. Zed waited a few moments then slowly, very slowly, slid toward the ledge to get a better vantage point of the situation. A heated argument erupted between the pair; he had evidently interrupted a hunt. He peeked over the rise and was stunned by what he saw.

  Goblins! They had to be! Both creatures were short humanoids, about four feet tall with sickly green skin smeared with... he squinted... ashes, probably, as camouflage. They were clad in rough leathers and shoddy hunting gear. Both had elongated ears and, yep, lots of very sharp, very pointy teeth. The goblin on the left was a little taller and lightly muscled. He—Zed thought it was male, anyway—shoved his rough hunting bow into the hands of the second goblin and started pulling at the arrow from the base of the trunk. The goblin on the right was stockier, somewhat older, and had a torn ear. Quite a lot of bristly hair poked out from inside its ears. It didn’t have a proper quiver; instead, two arrows were tucked into a makeshift belt at its waist. It muttered angrily and threw the bow back at its companion.

  Yes! They don't see me. This is my chance!

  Thinking quickly, Zed looked from the goblin on the left to the one on the right, then back again. The taller goblin had wrested the arrow from the tree and brandished it aggressively at the other goblin. The tip of the arrow sliced its cheek open, and it hopped backward, yelping in pain.

  That one. He zeroed in on the taller goblin and thought, Shadow Puppet. His shadow liquified and molded itself into a second copy of the aggressor, bow and all.

  Attack the goblins, Zed mentally commanded the clone. He wanted to see for himself how strong the clone was without trying to micromanage it.

  It snarled at the pair. The taller goblin dropped his bow and arrow in shock. The green-skinned pair looked at each other, then at the clone in abject horror.

  Camaraderie be damned, the older goblin turned tail and fled, shoving past his former companion. He tore through the forest toward the opposite side of the basin and disappeared entirely from sight. The clone glanced down at the bow and arrow in his hands and threw them bodily at the remaining goblin's chest. He grunted and staggered backward, the weapons clattering to the forest floor. In a brief moment of battle hysteria, the goblin too threw his weapons aside, let out a guttural war cry, and charged his clone.

  Crash!

  The duo smashed bodily into each other and, limbs tangled, fell into a heap. They tussled on the ground, claws raking at each other's faces and throats. The clone easily overpowered the goblin and slashed him across the face.

  “AwwooOOOOOooooOOOo!”

  The goblin's hands flew to his face with an agonizing howl. Momentarily blinded, he kicked out at the clone and—Zed winced—connected with his poorly-protected groin. The clone crumpled to the forest floor, gasping and choking. The goblin rolled away, hands clamped tightly to his face.

  He scrambled to his hands and knees and panting raggedly, looked down at his shaking hands. They were stained red. Blood spurted freely from three deep gashes in his face. He looked back up to his shadowy assailant who was still struggling to rise, one hand cradling his ruined jewels.

  A lump rose in Zed’s throat, and he broke out in a cold sweat.

  Oh, FUCK! Oh no. Oh, fuck no! Shit!

  Zed started to panic. A terrifying realization hit him somewhere in the back of his mind. Something like a neon red sign, blinking on, off, and on again in glaring technicolor. Searing into his very soul: DANGER. This was no dream. No fantasy. No hallucination. This was real, as real as it gets. And if he didn't win, the goblin would come for him next.

  “Not. Helping,” Zed snarled, waving away the offending notification. “Focus!”

  He swallowed the lump in his throat and rose to a low crouch, steeling himself for whatever came next.

  There was no celebration.

  “Fight, you rat bastard,” Zed whispered desperately at the clone. “Get up and fight back!”

  Slowly, jerkily, the clone sat up. Zed could hear his shallow, rasping breaths from the bushes. He rose unsteadily to his feet.

  Did he... hear me?!

  The goblins locked eyes with each other. They charged again, battered bodies slamming into each other once more with renewed vigor. They grappled. Seizing his opportunity, the goblin pummeled his clone mercilessly in the gut. The clone swung and connected with the goblin's pointed chin in response. The momentum from the blow sent him crashing once more to the forest floor.

  THUD.

  Relentless, the clone leaped on top of the goblin in a fury and snatched one of the discarded arrows from the ground. The goblin fumbled, then thrust his arm forward. Something silver flashed in the fading daylight.

  The clone froze, arrow clenched in both fists over his head, and let out a piercing scream. Zed clapped his hands to his ears.

  A rough wooden handle protruded from the clone's shadowy abdomen. Blood poured from the gash. The goblin had managed to free a small knife from the pouch at his side and stabbed his clone in a final, mortal blow. The clone, shuddering and sightless, crashed down on top of the goblin, piercing him in the chest in a final act of mutual destruction. His hands fell away, and the clone melted once more into shadow as it perished. The goblin echoed the clone's scream.

  Uncomprehending, he screamed and screamed again. The screams echoed endlessly across the basin, and Zed feared he would go mad listening to the monster's cries. He mindlessly ripped the arrow from his chest, screamed again, and fell back to the ground. Blood pooled under the goblin, the diameter of the puddle growing each time his chest rose and fell until finally he was still.

  Zed fell back again and breathed a sigh of relief. It was over. Quickly he opened his Skills Menu to check the cooldown on Shadow Puppet. 15 minutes. As expected, the cooldown was significantly increased when the clone was killed rather than dismissed.

  The notification box popped up again. Warily, Zed expanded it. After that horrific display, this had better be good.

  Zed selected the option to redeem his reward, and the quest box winked out of existence. A medley of six strange fruits tumbled into his lap. He scrambled to catch them before they could hit the ground.

  “What the hell is an Elemental Fruit, anyway?” he wondered aloud, holding up a fruit that resembled a large, mottled red and yellow cherry by the stem and twirling it in front of his face.

  “Appraisal.”

  Zed shouted in surprise and the stem slipped through his fingertips. He quickly fumbled to catch the fruit and cradled it in both hands like a newborn. Immortality! This was the power of an Elemental Fruit! His heart raced with excitement. Should he eat it? Immediately?

  No, he reasoned. Not yet.

  There were five more fruits in his lap. It would be wise to Appraise all of them before considering his next actions… but he was not going to let the Phoenix Cherry out of his sight! He gently tucked the fruit into the large pocket in the front of his pants. Safe.

  He picked up the next fruit, an imitation of a perfect white strawberry.

  “Appraisal.”

  Wait. So, if I eat this food, I essentially gain a bonus enchanting ability? And Appraisal leveled up again? Unreal.

  Okay, this was seriously incredible. Many of the monsters in the games Zed had played were weak to Light. This was probably a very valuable ability. He chuckled.

  “Sure, it's valuable… it's legendary!”

  He set the Angel Berry gently aside and picked up the firm-skinned blue-and-purple striped fruit. This one was bigger and almost perfectly round, nearly the same size as his fist. It looked familiar, almost like a plum, and sure enough...

  “Appraisal.”

  Was this glee Zed was suddenly feeling? He laughed and tossed the plum adeptly from one hand to the other. Dragon… Item Box… Dragon's Hoard! It was as brilliant as it was hysterical. It was truly difficult to for him to resist biting into the juicy fruit immediately, but he set it down next to the Angel Berry and moved on.

  Was it providence that Zed had worked in a whole-foods grocery before all this? The next fruit was most assuredly a fig of some sort: fat, succulent, and a very ripe-looking purplish brown. He held it up in reverence as he Appraised it.

  Zed gulped audibly and squeezed the fig a little tighter. So, immortality did not stop the aging process in this world. This was admittedly a lot for him to consider. He could theoretically gulp down both the cherry and fig right this second—and it was tempting! But if he ate both fruits right now, he would be permanently frozen at age twenty-seven. Was that something he really wanted? Was he in the prime of his life at this exact second? Or should he wait another few years to eat the fig? Five? Ten? Twenty? Surely no older than that; after all, he wouldn't want to spend immortality in a failing body.

  He briefly envisioned himself as a middle-aged warlock figure... broad shoulders, faint wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, streaks of silver touching his temples, a glint of experience in his eyes. It was tempting. After all, tomorrow's not guaranteed. But he wasn't so sure. He gently tucked the fig into the pocket with the cherry… for now.

  The next fruit was easily one of the most exotic-looking fruits Zed had ever beheld. It looked like a pear on steroids, roughly twice the size and azure-skinned, with dapples of bright blue all over. And was it his imagination or did it feel sort of cold to the touch? Oh, well...

  “Appraisal.”

  Water-breathing! Amazing! Of course, Zed hadn't yet encountered any bodies of water… but how could an ability like this not be useful? He set the pear aside; the final fruit was an absolute monster. It was huge, obsidian black, bulbous, and bumpy. He would have thought it was a humongous gemstone if he didn't know better. And—jeez, it was heavy! What was up with this thing?

  “Appraisal.”

  Okay, but really? How otherworldly and overpowered were these fruits that Appraisal power-leveled all the way to level 7? And yet... Zed was troubled. Clearly, this fruit yielded a very powerful beneficial effect. But mental attacks? Loss of sanity? He recalled the bloody encounter with the goblins. The corpse with the cart. What the hell kind of place was this?

  Also... he turned the breadfruit over carefully in his hands. How was he even supposed to eat this thing? Speaking of eating... his stomach rumbled voraciously. When was the last time he had eaten? Based on this new information, a meal of fresh fruit was very welcome right about now.

  Looking at the veritable cornucopia of fruits, Zed realized he couldn't possibly consume them all immediately, nor did he necessarily want to. There were some serious decisions he needed to make, and he did not feel prepared to consider the potential ramifications of said decisions right now. He knew one thing for certain: he needed an Item Box, like, yesterday. He set the breadfruit aside and grabbed the plum.

  “Dragon Plum, I choose you!” he announced to no one in particular, holding the fruit out in a ridiculous caricature. Not even crickets, silence.

  Abashed, Zed bit into the plum with a bit more reverence, and—

  “Ho-we fhit,” he marveled, eyes wide and rivers of juice spilling down his chin.

  Tart snap of skin. Succulent red flesh. Explosions of sweet nectar. Acidic spark on the end note. The Dragon Plum was beyond Perfection, capital P. It possessed an ethereal quality that made Zed's eyes sting with involuntary tears of joy. It was simply beyond comprehension. He wanted to savor this moment for all eternity. He wanted to eat the entire fruit in one bite. He wanted... oh, God, he wanted...

  The plum was gone before he even realized it. He sat on the ground for some time, absentmindedly sucking the juice from his fingertips and staring off into nothingness. He felt giddy, almost a little lightheaded.

  So, this is the meaning of ecstasy.

  Zed shook his head vigorously to regain some of his senses. Like the Skills Menu, he only needed to will the Item Box into existence. He immediately imagined the breadfruit, pear, berry, and fig into storage, and they disappeared. He also tossed the plum pit into storage, just in case. The Item Box displayed the stored fruits as a sort of calligraphy list on a sheaf of parchment. The fruits would be safe from all outside influence here.

  “I guess it's just you and me now,” he said, plucking the cherry from his pocket.

  Without further ado, Zed popped the Phoenix Cherry in his mouth and... it was spicy?! Suddenly his mouth was brimming with a heat that set his tastebuds ablaze and an overwhelming sweetness that somehow managed to counteract and balance out the spice perfectly. Such a delightfully complex fruit; it was a shame there was only one.

  Strange… his tongue was starting to feel... fuzzy. His ears were buzzing with static, and he realized that he no longer felt lightheaded. No. He was downright dizzy. He struggled to sit up.

  “W-w-wh-wha izzz thi-i-i-i.—” Zed slurred before his eyes rolled up in his head and he hit the ground.

  The last thing he heard before blacking out was,