A short story in honour of the patron deity of RR, the legendary Blue Box.

  Blue Box

  Once upon a time, there was a blue box.

  All in its village admired it, for it was blue and box-shaped. Its noble gait had no rival. But it was merely a commoner, because the King was a black box known as K'an Gsta II:

  One day, the King was riding in procession across his nation, when the blue box walked up to him and gave its standard greeting message:

  The King thought the blue box a rebellious upstart, even though it was just trying to say 'hello.'

  The King's guard began to slowly dismount, ashamed to kill such a noble figure as this blue box. One drew his sword.

  Just then, the blue box turned to the King, and displayed the following message:

  On seeing this simple stat table, the King suddenly dropped dead. His HP was 0, and therefore he was no longer for this world.

  On seeing this, the King's guards were alarmed at the blue box's power, and they retreated hastily. Only the King's scheming vizier, the Jukebox, remained.

  "What's a protagonist? These points sound valuable," said the Jukebox in a rat-like, slimy tone.

  "And where can one be found?"

  "Excellent. But I personally believe that peasants should be liberated, and live in anarcho-syndicalist communes free of monarchist rule," schemed the dastardly vizier.

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  "But I was also plotting to take power by deposing the monarch, and beginning a tyranny of my own! This would inaugurate a Dark Age of oppression, nepotism, mass death and famine."

  "Um, I'm not sure... Lenin and Stalin suggested it to me during a chat yesterday. But to be honest, I'm not really into the reign of terror thing. Is there any chance that I could get recused from villain duty? After all, the King is dead anyway, I didn't even have to do that."

  "But I don't even have 3000 HP," hissed the snake-like vizier like a rat.

  The vizier fell immediately to the ground, dead.

  The blue box stared pridefully at its day's work. However, it was interrupted when a peasant walked past it, returning from the fields after a long day's work. The blue box saw that this peasant was young, and had the word 'Protagonist' glowing above his head. Checking the character's stats, the blue box saw that he was named 'Luke.'

  "Hey, mate," began Luke, "You been changin' the story's timeline too much! Stop that, or everyone'll get confused."

  "Well, no need to be so rude about it an' all. Tell you what, why did you kill that vizier chap over there?"

  "But an old man told me that he was my father, and you killed him!"

  "Maybe I can avenge him someday! How good are my stats?"

  "What the hell kind of a role is a Skywalker? What's that s'pose to mean?"

  The blue box looked up and squinted, and saw Luke high in the sky. As Luke began to plummet quickly to the ground, the blue box offered the following helpful advice:

  However, in spite of this, Luke died as he crashed down from the clouds, and his body fell into a bloody mess as it collapsed onto the ground.

  The blue box began to construct a shrine for himself. However, a Prince approached him then.

  "You killed my father! Prepare to die!" shouted the Prince.

  "You'll be a dead meme, once I have my revenge! What are your stats, that you dare mock a crown prince?"

  The Prince stared in shock at the Lovecraftian monstrosity of the blue box, and then ran away.

  The blue box shrugged, and continued building his shrine.