"I knew we should've gone after them. Bloody cons," Spencer added.
At the Quest Board, they learned that it required an insane 1000 gold for a Noushead to post a quest onto the board itself, and with their little adventure with Lek and Supaporn, they fell very short of the mark.
After some additional sorting, for which the Cache app took great offense, they determined that even if they sold everything they had, they would still not have enough gold to post the quest. They were roughly 75 short.
They could sell the umbral plate for an absurd amount, well over 1000 gold, but he felt it would be too risky to give up such a valuable piece of gear.
"Excuse me," Butterknife said to a group of Nousheads also looking at the Quest Board. "Could anyone here spare 75 gold?"
With some mutters of apologies, they shuffled away.
"I'm the creator of Jiem," he shouted after them. "It's to save the world!"
"Have Jiem give you the gold then," he heard one of them say as they went, followed by, "ya arsehole beggar."
He turned to another Noushead who didn't even give him the chance to speak.
"Piss off," she said.
Aida: Fascinating. It seems begging is not welcome in neither the real world nor in VR.
"Aida's right," Spencer said. "I've been on UBR most my life, and I can count on one hand the number of times someone tossed a few extra OmniCoins my way. This will get us nowhere."
Butterknife remembered what his companion looked like in the real world. Untidy white hair sticking out in various directions. Patchy multi-day stubble on his face. Wrinkled white t-shirt hanging loosely on his hunched frame. Red-rimmed eyes, and a nose that carried the broken blood vessels of years of drinking.
He wouldn't have given Spencer any OmniCoins either. It was clear what the old man would do with any extra money.
"We need to appeal to their compassion, or entertain them somehow," Spencer said.
"I don't have time to learn how to be a fucking busker," Butterknife snapped.
The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Silence followed, and he considered selling the umbral plate again.
"What if we just took one of these quests?" Spencer said. "Some of them seem rather simple."
Butterknife gave a curious glance at the quests on the board.
Journey: Pest Control
This is a recurring quest.
Looking for that next BIG career opportunity? Ready to really show your initiative in the pest control space? Well, do I have an exciting growth opportunity for you! We're currently seeking a motivated self-starter for some hands-on data collection in our underground facility (the sewers)!
Key Deliverables:
-
Implement aggressive downsizing strategies for our rat population.
-
Utilize your weapons in a synergistic approach to data collection.
-
Maintain a can-do attitude while wading through waste management solutions.
Compensation Package:
-
Competitive 200 gold reward.
-
Keep whatever 'shit' you find down there. Hah! Get it!?
Health insurance not included. Being poisoned to death is considered a pre-existing condition.
Butterknife twisted his mouth. "Could be good," he said. "Usually these little quests consists of just killing some monsters and picking up their loot along the way. Sometimes they have a miniboss at the end of the quest."
"No different than what we've been doing. Easy enough," Spencer said.
"Shouldn't take too long either. Let's just check the other quests to be sure."
They went down the list but only one other quest stood out.
Journey: Bytes' Squeaky Toy. Code name: Bytesgate.
This is a recurring quest.
Team, we're experiencing some serious disruption in our workplace harmony metrics over in the Berserker Guildhall! As per our noise complaint protocols (see section 7.B of your employee handbook), we need immediate action on this!
Situation Overview:
-
One missing squeaky toy in the shape of a cartoon shrimp
-
One extremely vocal chihuahua (stakeholder: Bytes)
-
Multiple increasingly agitated berserkers who want nothing more than to kick the shit out of the high-pitched barking dog.
-
One very protective pet owner (stakeholder: Donna the Barbierian)
Solution Pathways. Please select one:
-
Preferred: Locate and return toy to key stakeholder (Bytes).
-
Optimal: Implement permanent toy-tethering solution using magical resources.
-
Unofficial (not HR approved): Permanent stakeholder elimination, meaning just kill the goddamned dog.
Compensation package:
-
1500 gold
-
One scroll of resurrection (may be needed if choosing Solution 3)
Jesus Christ, I need a cappuccino.
"I actually think this is the better quest to take," Butterknife said. "Your job class is a subset of berserker, so it could be very useful to get in the good graces of the guild. It might lead to further benefits not listed on the quest itself. Plus the extra resurrection scroll is always welcome."
"What kind of dog is a chihuahua?" Spencer asked.
Butterknife wanted to ask his Wiki or Aida to show them what a chihuahua was, but with Nous net down he knew it wouldn't work.
"I think it's one of those medium-sized dogs with long ears. Loves to play fetch."
"Okay," Spencer said. "Let's go save the goodest boi."