AnnouncementContent warning & Discimer:

  SpoilerThis chapter contains a sex scene

  Synaptic Eclipse is a work of fiction. All characters, pces and events are a product of the author's imagination. Any resembnce to real world persons, pces or events is purely coincidental.

  [colpse]Fly me to the moon, let me py among the stars

  And let me see what spring is like on a-Jupiter and Mars

  With Jenna hopefully consoled for now, we move out of the transfer bay, taking my luggage towards the quarters. Joiner outfitted a room for Cascade and I, supposedly even furnished for a human! Actually, speaking of Joiner, they're conspicuously absent. I ask, “Does Joiner not have comms presence all over the ship?”

  Joiner’s voice rings out with no clear source, “No, Lay, I’m here. I was just giving you and Jenna some space.”

  Jenna stops leading me down the hall, and looks back, smirking, “You can’t get away from them in here.”

  Joiner continues, “Welcome aboard, Lay. I’ll see you in the link room soon.”

  Strange ship minds aside, we continue to my new quarters, which is a reasonably sized room with a surprising amount of furnishing. You could even call it a studio ft. It has a generously sized bed, a desk with chairs, and a kitchen space. The appliances are a bit unfamiliar, but Cas seems to know how they work already. One corner has even been refitted for a small bathroom, with a standing shower and a toilet!

  “This is so nice! I didn't expect to have a full bedroom of my own up here,” I comment as I drop my luggage and flop forward onto the bed. I wince a bit from nding right on my boobs. Cas finds it incredibly amusing that I still forget, and I can feel them avoiding an audible ugh.

  Jenna idles near the door and expins, “Joiner made a lot of it as soon as you were in on the mission. They wanted humans to come up here.”

  “Well, here I am,” I comment, refusing to move. Cas, Why's Joiner being so quiet?

  They aren't sure, I think they're trying to ease you into how little privacy we actually have. Then Cas speaks, “Sorry, Jenna, do you mind if we have a moment to get ready? You'll get to hang out with us more soon.”

  As they speak I peer at the gynoid through Cas's eyes. Her face drops a little, but she gives a curt smile and responds, “Of course. See you soon.”

  When she's out of the room, I get straight to the point. Do I need to know anything before I link to them?

  Probably not. They spend a moment getting their thoughts in order, sometimes flora can have big emotions, when they let themselves. Joiner is pretty calm, in my experience, so you should be fine. I'm actually more worried about separating. We've been linked for almost two weeks, so it might be hard to function. For you more than me.

  I hadn't thought much about it but their worry is probably pced correctly. When I imagine the sense of loss that comes with disconnecting, I sigh. “Should we just get it over with?”

  Yeah, we can. First, um… Lay?

  “Cascade?”

  I'm gonna miss you, even when we're both right next to each other.

  I feel a warm ache deep in my head, trailing down my spine. Cas is feeling something simir on their end, and realizing that, I start blushing so hard my cheeks feel like they'll scorch.

  I'll miss you too, Cas.

  Something unsaid registers for both of us. They shift, grasping my shoulders and hips with all of their tendrils, then they guide me into a more comfortable position on my side. After a bit more maneuvering, we get as close to cuddling as we can get with Cascade on my back.

  Then we lie there, thinking out loud about each other. Not even words, just emotions. I start to feel like this link might just fix me. It's safe with them, and I feel like I belong when we're linked. It fills me with a fuzzy warmth, and I feel more secure than I think I ever have, when we're alone together like this.

  We have to stop ourselves after ten minutes or so, when we realize how much worse we might be making the impending disconnect.

  We both think, I'm still right here, for you, and I rex my head as Cas pulls their link tendrils out of me.

  The absence drains me, almost instantly.

  Oh god.

  Is this what it's like to lose a limb? I feel like I keep reaching for them and they're not there and I reach and they're not there and fuck, I'm crying. I'm fucking crying now, and they're still right there. Cas is still embracing me and they're right here and that feels like it's the only fucking lifeline that I have, and I'm fucking shaking now and I just- I have to stop.

  I start to breathe again and think, to only myself:

  it's just for a bit.

  It's just for now.

  You'll make it back to them, and every time you have to go-

  They will be the reason to make it back.

  I reach up and put a hand on Cas's tendrils that are still on my shoulder, and squeeze.

  It's time to really get to know Joiner.

  The link room is a small, cosy lounge with minimal furniture built into its walls and floor. It’s filled with cushions colored in warm pastels, and the most prominent feature is a few adjustable cots next to the opposite wall from its entrance. Hanging down from the ceiling above each of the cots is a bundle of living link tendrils, sheathed in thick looking cloth with an interesting geometric pattern. The back wall, behind the cots, consists of several metal panels, each has dispys and indicator lights that I can only almost read, the symbology is different and I don’t have Cas in my head to intuit it.

  Jenna is sitting to a side pying with a rubik’s cube, of all things. Joiner greets us, once again a voice from the ether, “Hello Lay, Cascade. We hope you like the accommodations?”I smile, unsure where to look, “They’re nice. The bed is pretty comfortable, thanks.”

  “Good,” they say, “are you ready?”

  “Um.” I look to the side at Cascade, “yeah.”

  “Lay-” Joiner pauses for a few seconds. Is the alien superintelligence… nervous? Jenna is giving an incomprehensibly confused look at the back wall. “We want to make sure, before we start. You don’t feel like you have to link with us, do you? We’re worried that you might feel forced to do this.”

  I want to be impatient and annoyed that they’re deying the whole process but it strikes me just the same. They don’t want to force me to talk to them this way. It must be some of that link etiquette- I almost believe they’d be willing to just talk all this out in English, even if that takes forever.

  That’s not what I want here. Despite the fading chasm in me where Cas was, I do actually want to connect to Joiner. I want to start these talks, and get the whole briefing straight from their… head.

  Do they have a head, technically?

  I can also admit, at least to myself, that I'm pretty interested to get an impression of their mind. Cas told me how that's a common, if not instinctual desire among corda- wanting to see the perspective and thoughts of others. It sounds very… social.

  “I don’t feel forced,” I say, walking up to a cot in the middle. I pull my shirt off, leaving myself bare chested, and lie facedown on it, like I’m about to get a back massage. The cot is a little small, “Whenever you’re ready, FC.”

  I jump a little when the link bundle reaches down, without dey, and pushes right into Cas’s incision. I shouldn’t have expected them to take a moment. The gash has been healing almost like a piercing, but some extra tissue has grown in, somehow. When Cas unlinked, it naturally closed itself up. Now, with Joiner, it opens back up for their link. The tendrils settle into the same pathways that Cas made, but Joiner has more tendrils that push into new pces. I start to feel the mind on the other side as they do.

  I'm dwarfed by their link.

  It’s agoraphobia-inducing and it’s stage fright and an important job interview and speaking in public and I can feel every single branch looking at me at once and I understand their series name now, because it's like a giant tree of a mind with individually thinking branches all looking down and concentrating on just me.

  Every single thing about me.

  They look right into the very mechanics of my mind and focus on things about my brain that I don't even properly understand myself, and now I'm just a mouse under a microscope as the rger mind inspects my very being. I can feel them, taking down observations and confirmations of conjecture to review or publish ter. I feel like their mind is both voraciously and carefully consuming every piece of information it can glean with its link. I'm just another cloud of data to-

  Lay, rex.

  And I do rex. At least in part, because they stopped staring. You'd think scrutiny like this would trigger my dysphoria more. I think it doesn't because I can feel that Joiner doesn't perceive me or my gender in that way. Instead, I feel very very small.

  I take my bearings and come back to my own body's senses. For a few seconds there, Joiner paid full attention to me. It was like a whole auditorium stopped and stared at the poor woman who opened the door too loudly during a quiet scene.

  No, I disagree, Lay.

  It’s more like if a room full of friends and family at a wedding reception all stopped at once to simultaneously wave at you, say hello, and take down all of your vitals. It’s just me, your cousin John!

  Are you okay?

  Maybe more like bearing the weight of a towering ancient tree upon every molecule of my being.

  I watch as Cas crawls up and settles on the cot next to me. Jenna has forgotten her rubik’s cube for now, and is just staring at me outright. I stick my tongue out at her, making a weird face. She pretends to be aghast, making a silly hand movement and I wonder how she learned these mannerisms.

  I realize, for a moment, that most of Joiner has moved on to other activities. Maybe a third of the branches are involved in this conversation at this point.

  I think I'm okay.

  Good.

  I think that was more than my vitals.

  We also wanted to map your entire neural environment. Most corda don't find it that invasive, but it must feel a little different for you.

  Well maybe ask next time.

  Ah, sorry. We should have slowed down.

  If you're alright, though-?

  Yeah. Let's do this.

  I'm mostly going to focus on sharing information before you get your interface cluster. We should probably talk about our pns for Jenna first, though.

  High up the tree, I feel a small branch perk its ears at the current conversation. That must be her.

  It is. She can't actually listen in that closely, unless we allow her.

  We're a bit worried you won't like our proposal, actually.

  For Jenna? What is it?

  We can grow a human body for her. A real one. It'll take some time to culture it properly, but I can transpnt her branch into it.

  That sounds like a great solution. Problem is; what are you going to do with an extra living breathing human up here?

  When she's ready, she can go pnetside. We might be able to get her some documents to live down there properly once your side of the operation is established. We’d appreciate your help for her whole transition, actually.

  Of course I can help. She seems like a good kid, or whatever. I'm honestly surprised you have so few people on this mission. If she's still in on it afterwards, that'll help, too.

  Hopefully. There's a reason for the ck of people, actually, but we have to keep this on track. We need your explicit consent about this solution, Lay. You also need to know exactly what we mean.

  Joiner shows me, mentally, an abridged version of the process that will create Jenna's new body. It seems simple enough at first, they have a growth chamber that will incubate the body after receiving an appropriate sample to start with. It will be grown with a barebones nervous system, and Jenna's branch - the physical part of Joiner's mass that is her - will be pced into the cranium.

  The point of contention is the sample. There's only one human up here, since Joiner doesn't have access to any other donors.

  Jenna's body would be a clone of me.

  I'll have an alien twin.

  The slightest hint of worry about my phenotype surfaces, but I don't even need information from Joiner to dispel it. I know enough about human hormones and sex development to understand that she won't even have a hint of male puberty if she doesn't want it. Joiner can probably grow her with whatever genitalia producing whatever hormones she wants.

  Now I'm feeling jealous of her, and I haven't even consented to the donation! I'll have to spend time with and help out a ‘cis’ clone of myself. She'll be a woman in almost every physical way I want to be. It's hard to not hate her for it already, and that’s so fucking selfish of me, isn't it? Jenna is a person without a body. I can't live with myself to not give her one.

  Shit.

  Okay, you can do that.

  I might have some trouble with being around her if the clone is too direct, though. Could you maybe alter some cosmetic traits so I don't have to look at a perfect cis replica of myself? If Jenna is okay with it.

  We'll look into it, and discuss it with her.

  Okay th- Oh, you already took a blood sample, huh? Probe right in there with the link bundle. Neat.

  We needed cells from you for the other augmentations you're getting, anyway.

  Fair. I probably wasn't gonna get off this ship without you sampling my DNA, either.

  That distant branch feels like it's vibrating. Jenna is beaming, still in her seat for a moment. Then she stands up and walks near the cots. She mouths a thank you to me before handing Cas the rubik's cube for some reason. They look… confused. It's pretty funny.

  Right.

  The augmentations.

  Is there anything else I need to know about them?

  Not a lot.

  When the interface cluster is done growing, in about 60 hours, you can go into the procedure room. We have a whole suite of surgical tools in there for this purpose. I'll be doing most of the work, and if anything goes wrong - which is very unlikely - Cascade can step in to assist. You'll get all of it at once for the sake of convenience.

  We should ask, though - how do you feel about having a full featured interface cluster? It will have some extra functionality, mostly just that you'll be compatible with some commonly used corda augments without being connected to Cascade. It will also give them a little more physical leeway to move around your body, as it has a membrane that can stretch the link, so to speak.

  Common augments - like their extra fingers?

  Yes, if you wanted we could give you corda tendrils on your back. Or take them back off if you don't like them. The mutable limbs are popur for physically active corda.

  Uhhhh-

  This is a bit of a joke on our part. We don't expect you to jump on that opportunity. At least not yet.

  I guess knowing is half the battle? The membrane sounds a little suspect. I'm guessing I should avoid showing my back to an earth doctor ever again after this?

  You probably should! Don't worry about your health, though - would you rather get treatment from an earth doctor or the medically immortal superintelligence that you can text at any time? More seriously, it will be a bit camoufged under your skin, if you're not linked. If you are linked, I'd appreciate it if you avoided showing off Cascade.

  I guess I'll take the luxury model then.

  We hope you like the features. You'll be able to hook up to a tool rig system too.

  Oh, that's neat. We're getting a bit off topic, though.

  How is my home pnet, Joiner?

  They do the link equivalent of a groan.

  As fucked up as always. I'd say the worst part of scanning all of earth’s communications is how easy it is to count every single preventable death that takes pce on your pnet.

  Most humans don't or can't do that, MJ. I'd suggest, as bleak as it is, that you probably shouldn't keep track.

  You don't want to keep track of your own people's deaths?

  How many breads have you eaten in your life?

  None?

  Let me try another angle. Humanity has kept livestock for a long, long time, right?

  Yes. You could argue that corda do something simir with animals on Allocaea.

  I'm not actually sure it's comparable. There's a difference between many corda feeding off of one living animal versus millions of humans consuming rge amounts of meat.

  That's a reasonable assessment. We haven't had industrial scale animal cultivation that’s widespread like that. Or sughter. Eugh.

  I smirk at their disgust. Even omnivores like myself aren't particurly fond of the factory farms that produce our meat. That livestock philosophy extends out to all life on earth, including humans. We practically treat each other like animals for sughter.

  So; how many blood cells has Cascade sipped in their life? How many grams of supplemental proteins and nutrients have passed through your bloodstream? How many breads have I eaten in my life?

  How many preventable deaths are there in a day on earth?

  Exactly. The number doesn't matter when we're just grease for the gears. Now tell me about the actual fucking politics instead of catastrophizing, Joiner.

  We're not catastrophizing

  For an instant, Joiner is mad. Not even fully, just a few of the branches interacting with me. They cut their emotions and stew for a second.

  Jenna, who had been watching Cascade fail to progress on the puzzle cube, is looking at me, shocked. Cas noticed as well, and has stopped focusing on the toy to give me a concerned look - it took me a while but I can sort of read expressions in their eyes, now. I sigh, moving to sit up before remembering that I'm shirtless. Embarrassed, I snatch my shirt and quickly cover my front with it.

  I look at Cas and give them a smile, “I'm okay. It's just different.”

  I adjust myself within the link, closing up my head. No more inner thoughts to MJ for now. Sorry. I think I have to hold back a bit here. I need this to be more like a real conversation, because I'm not used to having all of my thoughts open like that.

  There's an important difference between you and I here, Joiner. If I obsessed over every preventable death on earth every single day, that would be catastrophizing. It's practically emotional self harm for a single human. For you, you can obsess over it more than I could on my own, and still have more capacity for other things than I do. I have to be able to stand back as a helpless observer, because that's what I've always been.

  Ah

  We are likely to bme as well. It's an easy habit to treat a linkmate like another branch.

  It's okay. We're still getting used to each other.

  Well. As we hoped, some of the small nations understood the assignment and have responded that they’re prepared to cooperate, particurly in exchange for protection. Of course, satellite states, war zones, and the smallest states can't - or won't - do so, yet.

  Things get more complex with more powerful pyers. The US failed to do another patriot act since you left - they couldn't get the support for more surveilnce and rights viotions. The right wingers are moving towards a fascist takeover, though. I think we both know their opposition won't stop them.

  It probably won't.

  Asian powers are both very interested in cooperating and equally unwilling to give up on more authoritarian tendencies. We might openly trade beneficial tech with them, actually.

  That sounds pretty good actually.

  It is. On the other hand, the biggest authoritarian dictator in Europe won't quit with his war or his rule. We're close to asking if you'd let us assassinate him, honestly.

  Only if you can make it look like it wasn't us.

  We'll see if we get an opportunity.

  I'm distracted for a moment by our other friends in the room. “Here,” Jenna says, holding a hand out to Cascade, “let's give them some space, they're talking about boring shit.”

  I'm surprised when Cas gives her back the cube and addresses me, “You've got the map, right? Message me if you need, or if I'm not back at our quarters.”

  “Okay,” I say, managing a happy face. I push down a pang of jealousy when they leave the room together.

  I believe they both want to talk to each other.

  I think you're right.

  There have been no major developments other than my home country being predictably fascist, then?

  Nope.

  Alright. So what's the pn?

  We're trying to see if we can make a deadline. There's one in five years, which we can afford to miss for a second opportunity in fifteen. Our home's two biggest projects were finished during this mission's travel period. One of them will be visiting at those deadlines.

  A ship?

  Yes, though it is practically a colony of its own. Cascade was wrong about this scout cruiser being the fastest corda ship. It's been the second fastest for almost a century.

  I guess that makes sense, given the scale. How much faster?

  About three times, but we think we're hitting this technology's limit. That might be as fast as it gets, which is still at least a 60 year journey to Allocaea. That's where the other project comes in. During the ten year gap, they're going to build a stable wormhole in the Sirius system.

  Holy shit. I didn't think that was even possible.

  The technology is incredibly costly. We've been disassembling outer pnets in systems near Allocaea for centuries to build some of these things.

  So we want earth to be ready in fifteen years?

  At least moving on the right track, if we don't want them to leave the gate off. The council won't like our findings, they'll be afraid of your weapons of warfare. We don't have that much reason for worry, but without personal assurances, more cautious people will have influence.

  I mean, it'd suck if we attacked you, but I can't imagine it being effective unless you're surprised or being uncharacteristically foolish.

  Exactly.

  You'll definitely be invited on to the fgship, though.

  Oh fun. Now my five year pn is to feel confident and cool enough to represent all of humanity. The fifteen year pn is world peace. Easy shit.

  Strange to think of it somewhat literally like that. We want to have a peaceful enough earth, so that the cautious corda on their council will want to have a gactic retionship.

  Who will be on it?

  The fgship will have an entire community aboard. They're hopping around different systems as both a tour, and to build intergactic infrastructure.

  We could help your confidence by getting you a bck trench coat and sungsses again.

  Hey don't make fun of my early high school drip. That was pre transition.

  What will be the earth side of the pn?

  We'll have to talk about it. A lot. There's a lot of possibilities and what we do might change often.

  Can I assume, for now, that we're sticking to the initial path of breaking the hegemony.

  Yes, but we have to admit there's a very likely event that's going to make things chaotic. We don't think your fearless leader will be here much longer. Based on our analysis, he could die any day now.

  What? How do you think so?

  We got into the secret service's comms. He's having heart problems and they can only keep him alive so long.

  Holy shit. Show me.

  They pull together a couple dozen points of data and share. They corroborated social media accounts with known members of the service. Then, using backdoor access to government servers, they logged in with a weak password derived from a member's socials. From there, they grabbed the appropriate communications and, despite some redacted information, they found enough evidence to justify the statement.

  It seems very reasonable to conclude that the president may die from a heart attack in the next few months.

  What do you think will happen after that?

  It's a bit of a probability maze at that point. We've been working through the possibilities but the most likely ones all see the quiet end of democracy. At least the veneer of it that you still have.

  Great. What about the housing thing?

  The building has been bought. It'll be hard to start remodeling without someone on the ground. Do you think Katrina would be willing to help?

  I'll ask her. I was gonna call her, anyway. If she's okay with it, you can talk through the details with her.

  That sounds good. Just a check in?

  I'd appreciate it if you didn't watch everything I do, Joiner.

  More than a check in, then.

  Ugh, yes. I don't really want to talk about it with you or Cas right now, which is why I'm calling Tree after we're done.

  We understand.

  We also want to let you know that, to us, there's nothing wrong with it.

  You're a voyeur, you know that?

  To our knowledge there's no Metasequoia unit designated ‘Voyeur’.

  Yet.

  I roll my eyes, Whatever. Do you want to cover more right now?

  No, the timing is about right, we'll let you take a break and call Tree. We've got some time, and I'm still finishing my analysis, anyway. It's reted to another thing that we'd like your help with - we need to make an official report, part of which will be avaible to the corda public. Your help in drafting it will be appreciated.

  Sure? Do you want to have our pn together first?

  Ideally.

  Sounds good to me. I think I should probably take a cold shower, too.

  Hormone problems?

  Yes. Not strictly bad ones, though. Inconvenient out here, though.

  Starting with one and spreading like a wave of dominoes, I feel a tsunami of branches freeze up from a single thought process. Like their whole mind is suffering from a fsh freeze. Joiner suddenly unlinks, leaving me dizzy just as I started to comprehend the thought. Something about me?

  “Sorry, Lay,” They say, as I realize they've been talking right into my brain chip since I've been on the cruiser. “We had a bit of an intrusive thought, and we thought you'd be better off without that from our end. At least for now.”

  “Ohhh-kayyy” I say, confused and only slightly disoriented. What were they thinking that caused a reaction like this? I stumble my way out of the link room.

  ---

  I'm trying to remember how to solve this thing from the ghost of Lay's memory but it is just not working. I know she learned from an acquaintance and tries to solve one a few times a year. She considers it a “fun habit”. I could solve it if we were linked, and she'd barely notice me calling on the knowledge.

  Jenna and I are on our way to my old quarters, so I can grab a few items and show her my workshop. Most of the space I was given is taken up with research materials. Jenna wants to see because I asked Joiner to not monitor the space. For that reason, they didn't let her know what's in there and it's the only room in the ship she doesn't have access to. I'll probably ask for some privacy for Lay soon, actually.

  “You know, I took the time to learn a ‘more efficient’ algorithm than the one Lay uses,” Jenna says, half giggling at me, “Looks like you're having trouble remembering hers, though.”

  “It's not like this is something we've done together,” I reply. It'd be easier if I had actually watched her solve one, mind to mind. I hand it back to Jenna's avatar, “show me how you do it again.”

  As she does, still walking, I have a bit of a hard time following her method. Lay's algorithm had more obvious solving points, orienting the corners then the sides. Jenna holds up the solved cube a minute or so ter, as we get to my door.

  “Impressive,” I tell her, mostly meaning it. I open the door, authorizing with my augments. “Here it is,” I say, “I can't imagine it's that interesting.”

  The inside is just how I left it a month ago. A few tables are set up in the middle with a couple neuron maniputors, as well as various materials needed for the process. Half of the room is dedicated to storage, and the walls are dotted with diagrams that I put up for aesthetic purposes. A few dispys even have functioning simutions running on their screens. Only a little bit of the space is dedicated to comfort; A bowl chair that I like, and the hammock I sleep in, both stuffed in a corner.

  I move over to the incubation closet to check that all my samples are still stable - they are. Jenna asks, examining one of the animated dispys, “So you really understand neurons, then?”

  “Yes,” I reply, moving to the armoire I came for. I open it, checking its contents, “I'm pretty interested in studying brains and their neurons. It's one of the reasons I'm here.”

  “You really are just an intergactic nerd, huh? So, what's the difference?” she asks, moving over to inspect one of the tables.

  “Between what?”

  “Humans and corda.”

  I consider it while I double check the wardrobe full of limbs. Satisfied with the state of the augments, I close it up, turn the brakes off, and start pushing it over to the door. “Other than the patterns our minds take, there's not a lot of difference, neurologically. Our neurons are simir enough to be link compatible, which is incredibly lucky for corda.”

  “Are you sure?” She asks me, giving a pensive, worried look, “that our neurons are that simir?”

  Lay and I talked about Jenna's hang-ups and insecurities, back on the ferry. I wasn't a lot of help in understanding, but I did get a solid grasp on the branch mind's worries. “Yes, Jenna. They're simir enough that I don't think we'll have any compatibility problems with Lay's interface cluster. The only issue is the human immune system, which is why we alter the cells to trick it. You're as human as you can get without remapping your whole mind onto human brain cells. Not everybody would consider that a clean transfer, though, philosophically.”

  “I mean, I don't know if I would. I guess it'd be scary? Joiner said they could basically crossfade the brains but…”

  The old questions about the malleability and transferability of minds always come back, don't they? I go to grab the chair but I realize it's a bit heavy for me. “It's a worry, right? Are you really moving from one brain to another? Is one dying while the other gets copied onto? I don't bme you for wanting to stay in the same meat you already inhabit. Even if it does give Joiner a bit of a lobotomy.”

  “Cascade!” She whines, “That's gruesome! It'll barely even affect MJ, anyway.”

  “True. It's more like a mild concussion. Can you move this chair for me?”

  She seems happy to help, thankfully. Not so worried about the robot strength. I ponder for a bit about the not-exactly-human woman. She seems to grasp her gender - the mere concept of womanhood - as hard as Lay does. She's even getting a female body grown to reside within. Jenna might have doubts about her own humanity, but she has none about her gender, and it fascinates me.

  “Why do you choose to be female, Jenna? To be a woman, even if you're not a human one.”

  Her gynoid face makes a stilted expression of consternation, and she hums out loud, for a moment. “I think,” she says, “I could expin it away as my initial parameters. My neural environment was an emution of Lay's data. But- I also think that's a bit of a reduction, if you understand?”

  “I believe I do. You're not just using femininity as a default.”

  “Yeah!” She sets the chair next to the door and fidgets with her hands, “I had some other patterns before we stopped the cognitive tests - thank the deep for that, they were getting torturous. I have a vague understanding of the other human gender, or genders, plural. An understanding of human masculinity that has given me enough information to know that it's not my thing. It's not me. I'm Jenna the robot woman. It might be an artifact of Lay's feelings about womanhood, but taking and choosing to be a girl feels… right, I guess?”

  “That makes plenty of sense,”I tell her, thinking back on what Lay had said about Jenna on the ferry, with regards to self-determination. Lay's point was that people should try to be whatever they want to be, as long as they're not hurting anyone else. Jenna should be able to try and be as human as we can make her.

  That conversation led to further thoughts for me, and I've had a nagging feeling since. I want to make that determination about myself, too. It feels wrong, though. I'd be trying to cim something about myself that I'm not even a facsimile of. Unlike Jenna, I'm not supposed to have a human identity. On another hand, as a natural born lifeform, I'm not supposed to be anything, right?

  I ask, “Do you think I could do it?”

  Jenna's brows raise and she tilts her head. I'm starting to wonder how she developed all of these physical tics already. She's only had the gynoid body for a day and a half. “Yeah. I think you could, Cascade.

  Are you going to?”

  I go to answer, to push concepts into the nguage model and say something definite, but I don't. I feel like I can't.

  I want to say yes.

  “I don't know.” I say, and Jen holds her curious gaze for a long moment.

  Transitioning and finding herself is one of the hardest things in Lay's memory. We brushed over her thoughts on it while unified, and it’s a big part of who she is. It doesn't define her, but it's still an important part of her. I feel like I have none of the obstacles she had, and trying to even just cim feminine pronouns feels wrong. What have I done to earn them?

  It adds to my biggest worry about our developing link. We mostly understand each other, at this point, and I know that Lay is attracted to women. I almost want to be a “girl” just to fit into the scope of her potential romantic partners.

  I think I may actually want to be with her.

  “Isn't it wrong, though?” I say, surprising myself when it's out loud. Stumbling now, over both thoughts and words, “I mean, Lay had to go through so much to find and consider herself a woman. She changes her hormones and her body to match the person she wants to be and I don't think I'm going to be able to do that in the same way… and you! Jenna, you precipitated out of Joiner and now you're suffering so much to have a woman's body because it's what you need. It's not the same as Lay, but it's close enough. I'm not changing anything, though. I wouldn't be changing myself to be a woman, I'd just be saying ‘oh yes I linked with a human girl long enough that I decided to be a girl, too.’ That would be trampling all over the efforts of others like you, or her. It feels shallow, Jenna,” I pause for a moment as I comprehend her concerned look, but I can't stop myself now. “You get to be like her, and you're working for it, and suffering for it, like she did. I'm a genderless person from another gaxy. I want to share this with her, and fit into her world, but I'm just- ugh.”

  Flustered, I rex every finger and colpse into a neat little pile on the floor, every eye looking down.

  I peer up at her with one of them when she starts to talk again, “Cas. I don't think of it that way at all. I think there are plenty of expnations for why you would feel this way- why you want this. I think,” and she smiles, “that you could make a good cim to womanhood just for spending so much time in a real woman's head. That's before I even use knowledge I have from Joiner. Lay could be influencing you, via link.”

  “Do you think that? That I want to be a girl because I'm linked to one?”

  “Not really. There's also a chance that you would have decided this with enough exposure to human culture anyway, but what matters is you. You decide who you are, ‘Umbral Cascade’. You've already done it before, so I don't think there's anything wrong with it.”

  I slowly reorganize myself into a bundle on the floor, still looking up at Jenna. I'm considering it and I'm pretty sure she's right. “Okay. I don't think I can commit without talking to Lay first. I'll ask her about it, and if she's okay with it-”

  “She probably will be, Cas.” Jenna interrupts me, smiling earnestly, “I've tried hard to understand humans. People like Lay are very open minded and accepting of new ideas.”

  “I know!” I say, “Humans aren't exactly fond of foreign creatures invading their body, Jenna. Lay forgave me for forcing her into a link. Once she understood why, it was practically a given that she wasn't angry about it.”

  Jenna moves over to open the door back up, stopping at the handle, “no one else forgave you for it?”

  I reply while pushing the wardrobe, “I had no way to know if they were really the same person, after we were done with them. Honestly - I try not to think about it.”

  Opening the door for me, Jenna says, earnestly, “I don't bme you. It's been centuries, anyway.”

  “Yeah, it has. I was a different person then. When it was over, I told myself I'd never force a link again.”

  Jenna has a smug look as I push the wardrobe out of the door, “and yet it's working out pretty well this time.”

  I don't justify her observation with a response.

  ---

  “Hello? Lay?”

  “Tree! I said I'd call, and since I'm finally out here orbiting Europa - I'm calling!”

  “I'm still having a little trouble believing any of that's real, to be honest.”

  “Well, I've got a good opportunity to show that the money is real, at least. Joiner needs a favor from you, if you're willing.”

  “What? The intergactic space hacker needs something from me?”

  “They can send push notifications to most of the world, but they can't pretend to be a human on earth, physically present to other humans. Not while I'm up here. Not without your help.”

  “Who do they want me to pretend to be?”

  “We're remodeling the Mandor building, in town. You have to pretend to be a representative of the very busy CEO of Cephaloplutus. They said they'll discuss the rest of the details with you.”

  “They bought that old pce? I guess that sounds fine - how will they discuss this with me?”

  “Do you prefer call or text?”

  “They can text me until it gets too complex.”

  “I'm telling them exactly that.”

  “Oh god, I bet they're like a fucked up genie that'll just outright call me, aren't they? How are things out past the asteroid belt?”

  “Things are fine. Jupiter is ridiculous and kind of terrifying to look at. The scout cruiser lives up to the cruise in its name, though. I basically have a studio ft here.”

  “That's… pretty cool, actually. How are your alien friends?”

  “Joiner is weird and vexing. Jenna - the accidental woman - is funny, but depressed-

  “How very humanlike of her.”

  “Exactly! and Cascade is, uh…”

  “They're what?”

  “Uh, well. I kind of called, in part, to talk about Cascade. Our retionship is getting really strange, Tree. If I expin, will you promise not to freak out?”

  “Why would I freak out, Lay?”

  “Well, fine. Listen, the corda link is a physical thing. Cascade sticks tendrils into my back, up my spine and into my brain.”

  “...I'm trying to be calm about that, but Lay, what the fuck? That's some horror show shit!”

  “I know, Tree! It's absurd, but it's how corda prefer to communicate. Cas is self conscious about it, too, and it's kind of… cute? We can feel each other's thoughts and emotions through it, and I've never felt so connected to another person, Tree.”

  “Person?”

  “What else do you call an intelligent alien?”

  “Okay. What is the problem, then?”

  “I think we're catching feelings for each other, Tree.”

  “...”

  “...”

  “You're fucking with me.”

  “I'm not. I'm freaking out, actually. If anyone had asked me what my next retionship would be, this is so beyond any answer I could possibly have imagined.”

  “Okay! Okay, if I believe you, then I need a moment to free my mind here… What is it like?”

  “Um, we both enjoy each other's presence, and we enjoy it even more while linked. We kind of just hang out a lot while learning what it's like for each other. We watched a ton of movies and tv together on the way out here, just to pass the time, and it was like a week-long slumber party.

  Oh! Cas will make jokes in my head. I almost ughed at nothing in your car like twice. Also, sometimes we lose track of where the line between us is, and just kind of… be one person?”

  “That is weird. Kind of romantic, though?”

  “It's really nice.”

  “Okay, then. If you like them, and they like you, then where is there an issue? Right? Like, you're both consenting adults, I think. How old is Cascade?”

  “Are we counting time spent in stasis on the way to earth?”

  “Um, no?”

  “They're around three hundred and fifty years old.”

  “I cannot say I expected that number. Some might call that a problematic age gap but if you're sure that it's mutual…”

  “I'm pretty sure, after we cuddled earlier.”

  “That is a weird mental image, Lay.”

  “I've never felt so safe in my life, Tree.”

  “Lay- it sounds like the only reason you're not already in a retionship is because they're an alien and you're a human.”

  “...I think you're right. Shit.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah I think I just need time to process this. Thanks for talking to me, Tree. Are you doing alright?”

  “Same as always, girl. Striking out all across the county, working this boring ass warehouse job and keeping myself convinced not to call the police on you.”

  “Well shit. I don't think they'll believe you, though. Hopefully managing the renovations will make it a little more rewarding?”

  “Hope so. Can at least have some fun with the extra cash, if it's real.”

  “... I'm surprised they didn't chime in, actually.

  Okay, I'm gonna go figure out what the deal is with me and Cascade. I'll call you back, Tree. Keep you updated on the Jovian tea, as it were.”

  “Tell me about it. Don't be a stranger by text, either, okay? Seeya love.”

  “Seeya!”

  Back in the quarters, Cas is bundled up in a chair that wasn't there earlier. Jenna is nowhere to be found, and a mysterious metal cabinet, as tall as I am, has appeared next to one of the walls. At some point, Joiner moved a few more items from the ferry to the quarters, too.

  I look Cascade in the eyes, and they look right back. We just stare for a long moment. I smile, walk up, and flop down on the bed. Cas scuttles up onto my back and, a few seconds ter, their fingers are sliding across my spinal cord and tickling at my cerebrum.

  Hey there, night girl.

  Night girl!? I ask, beaming, while I move back off of the bed. We're linked again, and I'm increasingly inundated with warmth.

  You've never looked up the meaning of your name- It means ‘night’ or ‘dark’. They rub my head, messing my hair up a little before fixing it on their own.

  Oh! I guess I haven't. I get up and stretch my legs, pacing around the room. I'd ask what your name means, but it seems self expnatory, shadow cascade.

  Cas rolls their eyes at me, and I ugh. I realize that they have the rubik's cube again, and they're starting to try and solve it, cheating off of the method I use. I catch on that they've been frustrated by it since earlier. It's adorable.

  Being back together is helping a ton. I've been getting more and more wound up all day. Accumuted little bits of stress have been building up in me, from conversations with Joiner and Tree, as well as from the disconnections. I could use a chance to blow off steam and get some more of those happy chemicals in my head.

  More specifically, my libido is on the rise - it's that side of my hormone cycle - and I haven't really gotten off since Cas refit the skyhook. It's bearable, but I haven't gone more than an hour alone or unlinked for almost two weeks.

  I may change clothes and use the bathroom and cuddle while we're linked, but I'm not sure about masturbating. That's probably a step beyond either of our comfort levels, at least not without discussing it.

  Is something wrong, Lay? I'm still pacing the quarters, and they're getting concerned.

  Not really. That was a bit of a lie. They can tell, I'm getting the equivalent of a doubtful look. Okay, there is something. I'm… a bit pent up.

  They don't quite get it yet. Pent up? Like you're stir crazy?

  Not quite, uh… I project the feeling to them.

  Oh. Oh… they're definitely taken aback by the issue. It takes a moment for their composure to return. Do you want… privacy or something? I could… I could help.

  I take a long moment to consider what they’ve just offered. Am I understanding them right? How do you intend to help, exactly?

  I mean, I… I'm here. They put a couple fingers up on my shoulder. I can, uh, assist you, if you want.

  Do I want that? I was honestly gonna try to ignore it, figuring I could just ask for a day apart once in a while, and definitely not today. Instead they're offering to ‘help’. Cas seems pretty hesitant, but - but what!? I don’t want to do this, unless, are you really comfortable with that, Cascade?

  I can feel them fidgeting. It's a part of the human experience, I'm… I'm interested, to be honest.

  There it is.

  Reaching deep into my psyche, I consider if ‘tentacled brain symbiote’ fits into my sexuality. It… shouldn't. But. It does? Somehow, these weeks together have been nice, if I’m being honest to myself.

  Okay, I'm gonna sit down first. Sitting on the bed, I summon some courage and try to let my reservations go. I don’t want to freak out or anything, and I don’t want to make this too awkward. We have to spend some time discussing this ter, Cas. Human emotional connections and sex have a… complicated retionship.

  Of course, they gently pat my head with a tentacle, we will have to be open with each others’ discomforts. As always, if you are no longer comfortable at any point, we can stop.

  I sigh, and y down on my side. Despite my emotional hesitancy, my body is ready to go. I’ve been touch starved, and I’ve felt a need for affection- or intimacy, for weeks. No, months.

  Years?

  We come to a moment of shared mental consent. An understanding that this is something we are both wary of, and that we both want to try.

  I sense a definite intent to commit some mischief from Cascade. Then, I sense no intent at all.

  The brief moment of confusion instantly crystallizes into understanding when a deft tentacle darts around my torso. It grips at my breast, eliciting a soft chirp of surprise out of me. The warm appendage firmly massages me while Cas abuses the link. They know it feels good, they can feel it too, but I can’t feel much of anything from them. They continue to hold their intent back from me. I can tell they're hiding their next move, but that doesn't mean I can know what it will be.

  Reaching up with my opposite hand, I push up my shirt, granting both of us access, and grab my other breast, massaging myself. Cascade reaches another tendril across my front, rubbing my belly, and after it stops tickling, I find myself squirming for a different reason.

  A tendril cups my head, rubbing across my crown, while another reaches from the front down my inner thigh. For a moment I think back to meeting them on the roof. No part of me could have expected that I’d willingly let them fondle me like this.

  It feels great, and it’s going to get better soon.

  I start to reach toward my p with my free hand, but a few appendages wiggle down my arm, wrapping around my hand and wrist. I grasp back - holding hands again, in a way - and they pull my arm back as I moan.

  “Cas, don’t tease me” I mutter, squirming from the thorough fondling.

  You can’t stop me. They open up, revealing the pn. They aren’t going to let me get myself off. No more touching myself. As more of their intent comes through, I whimper at the prospect. They’re in complete control of me.

  -

  I keep my grasp on her hand. It's not as enjoyable for a corda, but Lay’s reaction is tangible through the link. The feelings that come through are intense. It is like a subtle unnoticed ache being wiped away with pleasure. I cherish the feeling. Something truly new to me.

  I don't have a sex drive in the same way, by almost any measure.

  I’m certain her own brain chemistry is affecting my own, though. Positive empathetic feedback makes me want more, but I stay careful. This is an experience to be savored. I get to feast upon her wondrous sensations and I want to relish every bite.

  -

  I startle when my hand ceases its movement and begins pulling away from my chest, against my own will. It comes to a rest near my head, sitting open and idle, away from my body. I want to keep pleasuring myself, but they won’t let me. Helpless against their eclipse of my limb, I can just barely make my arm tremble. Still, I feel everything. They’re on me and all over me and in my head and it’s sublime.

  The finger on my belly slides up, taking the pce of my hand as they squeeze my breasts together and pull up. Gasping, I run out of breath to take as the tips start to focus on my areoe. They flit back and forth, teasing and pinching my nipples.

  You don’t even want this teasing to stop. You want to indulge yourself, but this is so much better, isn’t it? Their smug demeanor fills my mind as another pair of feelers shove their way into the back of my pants. One wraps around my other thigh, another vigorously kneads my asscheek.

  “Cascade, you bitch!” I yelp. Scrunching my toes, rubbing my legs together, the actions they allow bring me no relief. My groin aches against my panties. I keep getting little shudders.

  Cas decides I've had enough teasing, and the appendage caressing my inner thigh moves up to my waist. I tremble as it starts to work its way into my waistband, right into my underwear. It wraps around the base of my genitals, pulling me around into a more comfortable position, less inhibited by my garments.

  The tentacle extends further and spirals up my shaft, circling around it once before teasing my gns. I pant and gasp as it rubs back and forth. The feeling shoots up my spine and I start to feel my release, but Cas isn’t done yet.

  The coil around my length starts to move up and down. It becomes too much for me as it begins to vigorously pump. I’m coming, but the stimution doesn’t slow. with one hand in a death grip on the pseudo-hand and the other braced against the bed, my back arches and my toes curl from the intensity. I can’t help but release my voice as they coax everything out of me.

  -

  I did much more than I’d thought I would. Lay took more than I thought she would. The feedback from my own actions coming through her encouraged me to do more, to feel her more. I'm reeling from the experience. Other than our held hands, my fingers have all rexed, now left draped across her body or entangled in her clothes.

  Then Lay pulls her own trick on me. The feeler in her pants pulls back out, sticky from her fluid. Under her will, it lifts up to her face and she licks it for several moments, caressing it with her lips and her tongue. She directs it into her mouth and sucks on it, softly biting. Both of us swoon, soaking in an undeniable, fascinating intimacy. We both taste the strange taste and texture of her own fluid.

  She teases me with a full mouth, You were acting awfully bashful earlier, given what you just did. We both know how much the other enjoyed it.

  I got carried away. Your pleasure is intoxicating. Shifting around, I position my mantle at rest in front of her head eye to eyes. I move the finger caressing her crown to y it on the side of her face. The feedback was stronger than I thought. I enjoyed it too.

  Her teeth softly cmp on my finger as she smiles. I’m gd you did. We may want to try again sometime.

  I pull the bedsheets up and over her as she loosens her bite on my finger, letting it pull out of her mouth. Moving a little forward, Lay sets her forehead against my mantle as we both drift off in the afterglow.

  -

  I’m barely awake and I’m getting pangs of both affection and anxiety. They’re right here, just barely asleep and oh god, I let them dom me. I could have asked them to stop at any time, but I just let them guide me to climax at their own pace. It felt good. Am I a submissive now?

  Wait, calm down. All thoughts aside, I don't want to wake Cas up like this. Just keep it calm and quiet over here on my side. If I do it right I can watch them sleep.

  They're mimicking the yellow of my hair still, but they have those orange lines they like to wear all over. Their irises are all crinkled up while they softly breathe, and I can feel their mind rumble, asleep.

  …they're cute.

  Is this what's really happened? I feel like a tabloid headline at this point; “POSSESSED AND FUCKED BY AN ALIEN BRAIN SYMBIOTE. More on page 7!”

  We didn't even talk about retionship stuff yet, and now we have to!

  Lay? mmrrrrmb

  Ohmygosh I just want to- I slowly inch my head closer to theirs again. Ever so carefully closing the gap we made while sleeping. I creep my free arm up moving to mirror their tendril on my face. It all proves to be too much at once, though. Their eyes refocus and spark with recognition when I set both hand and forehead upon them.

  Their consciousness is like the warm sun on my face. Hey, feeling better now?

  I chortle and nod ever so slightly, closing my eyes and basking in their light. They're filling me with a gentle music that rouses my entire self. I don't think I need to ask anymore, but I also don't want any more illusions about this. We're partners now, aren't we? Romantically. Dating, if you could call it that.

  Yes, I believe we are. They tell me, practically smothering my mind with affection before asking, is that okay?

  My worries rapidly drain as I answer. Yes! I really think it is. It's new and strange, and we're forging a new path, but I think it's okay.

  I feel some deeply familiar sense of doubt from Cas. So we're- we could be- You're my girlfriend, then?

  Yes Cas, I'm your girlfriend now.

  At that thought, they're celebrating and happy, but that familiar doubt and discomfort is still there. Lay, can I be… your girlfriend?

  The question clicks in my mind, and I instantly understand the familiarity. I know the doubts and discomfort Cascade is feeling. It's the telltale worry a person feels when she doesn't feel she deserves the gender she wants. I've felt it myself, and given the context, it's so clear from her.

  Of course you can be my girlfriend, Cas. You're my cute little alien girlfriend now.

  She holds onto the doubt with one st finger, asking, girlfriends?

  Girlfriends.

  It's like a second wave of warmth and affection washes over me. She’s so happy, which makes me so happy in turn, which makes her happier. Recursive joy fills both of us.

  I spend the next few days on the cruiser learning as much as I can about the mission and what options are avaible to us. Corda tech is rather advanced compared to humans, and if we wanted, we could start cloning more than just a body for Jenna. Both Joiner and I find the morality of creating a bunch of purpose built people to be near abhorrent, so we won't.

  Still, I could probably get some very futuristic augmentations if I wanted. I joked about a hidden gun in my arm to MJ, and they got halfway through drafting a design before I told them I didn't actually want one. It took them maybe 20 seconds.

  I've also been getting more and more reluctant to part with Cascade. I'm going to have to go unlinked for a week to recover from the augmentations and surgery, so I’m trying to enjoy our remaining time. We haven't had more sex, but the cuddling and quality time have been wonderful.

  Also, it turns out that we're still out here orbiting Europa because there is life on the moon. Jupiter II has microbes buried in its ice, and Joiner was both avoiding detection out here and scanning the surface. Depending on your perspective, it could be seen as very interesting, or a little boring. Europa has life! None of it is big enough to see with the naked eye.

  Our big issue comes just a few hours before I go into surgery. Demilitarization “begins”, begrudgingly, in a very public fashion with Joiner's deadline. Many nations are simply moving guns around in their pockets, as we expected. Thinking we wouldn't notice their unchanging military strength.

  What we didn't expect was the massacre. Over 150 children in an apartheid state, killed by a so-called “defense force”. It’s practically a common occurrence in some pces, but when the news starts to break, Joiner urgently calls both of us to the link room. Cas links tendril to tendril, which is my impression of how most corda commune. We only spent an hour or so in this configuration before this, and while I can feel Cas through Joiner, it's not as intimate.

  As soon as I can feel the flora through the link, their emotions start to overwhelm me along with the news. It's like I'm standing in the middle of Yellowstone and the ground is shaking from the volcano. Joiner is tightly holding the leash on an immense fury, and I can rete.

  The three of us logic it out almost a dozen times over two hours before we agree on two actions. Two messages to the people of earth. The first is in pin nguage, though it's transted into at least seventy different ones;

  “THIS BEHAVIOR IS UNACCEPTABLE AND WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED.”

  The second message might be even simpler. We hit the apartheid military's headquarters. A literal ton of tungsten and explosives drop from geosynchronous orbit and demolish the building. Seven soldiers die during the ensuing colpse.

  Our first casualties, but none of us feel a hint of remorse. Joiner looked at all of the atrocities committed by their state in the st 12 months alone, and I almost vomited from disgust. Joiner and Cas expressed disappointment that they don't have their own physiological responses to show.

  Altogether, it was a poor morning that led up to a major surgery. I get another hour with Cas where we try to cuddle and comfort each other, but for once I'm so acutely aware of the horrors at home that it's mostly her doing the comforting. I send a text to Tree, apologizing that I won’t be calling or talking about it for almost a day while I’m in surgery. I’m thankful when she quickly responds, saying I don’t need to justify it.

  Far too soon, I find myself in the cruiser's procedure room, face down on the operating table. Joiner had to print a human sized table to work on, but the room is rgely the same for anyone. The walls and ceiling are covered in artificial tendrils and robotic tools meant to cut me open and change me into something else. Maybe that should be terrifying, but I've already reforged my own body and identity before. Joiner is even helping me cement that process now.

  Thankfully, it's not a procedure I have to be awake for. The only thing I feel is a needle in my ass, then I fade out to soft jazz in my head. I think Joiner was pying it for me