Faul Vilge, Guardians quarters

  “I guess yer little granddaughter turned into a woman already Ket…” I stare longingly at the photo in my scarred hands, tracing over her beautiful face, made of the best paper I could afford at the time… I remember the day so clearly, more clearly than any battlefield or event in my life.

  Growing up in the vilge, my house just down from where Eta lives… Lived. Everyday I would travel through the vilge and greet them, was never brave or smart or anything, the kids always took advantage of me, made me do stupid things just because they told me too, gave me a bad reputation for just wanting to have friends. Ket was always on my side though, Everyday I would watch her work, her muscles bulging as her hammer would strike and mould the metal under her, she was as old as my mother, but every movement she made was breathtakingly beautiful.

  I sigh and put the photo gently on the side of the bed as I push myself back into it, missing her so deeply. I loved that woman, more than I’ve loved anyone, each day on the pins past the wall I could only kill until I was exhausted, by the end I would fall into my bed as with the rest of the soldiers and think of her, the smiles she gave me, the touch of a woman that bends steel to her will, but so gentle for me.

  On my st day in Faul vilge, the Guardian took me to the same room, the Guardian's Eye through the window and I saw my destiny flow through the water and into me, a blessing of battle. I was to be a Warrior, not a knight or a Padin or a Soldier, a Warrior, a person of the field, not the wall, the pins were where we fought. That night instead of running to my parents I ran to her… and she embraced me for all I am and all I was going to be, as an adult and a woman. The next day I left, with only the picture of us together in my pocket.

  I chuckle as I think of my st moments with Eta, I guess we are quite simir. Except where my love was beauty and perfection, hers was, a scarred and broken woman. I look down at my naked body on the bed, a dim light illuminating every scar across it, all the parts of my skin that were marred by monstrous jaws and cws, the Scarred Devil they called me, for no part was without a wound, but I never stopped… for I knew my part of the wall protected the vilge, her home.

  For thirteen years I toiled on the battlefield, bringing killing monsters to an art. I was a night watcher, those of the elite that slept in the day, letting the new recruits test their mettle against the weakest of the creatures that dared go out into the light. Even after my naming ceremony, even at which the Emperor himself attended, becoming a noble, not that I knew anything but battle, I still wouldn't retire… not until I received that letter. I hesitate at the wooden drawer next to the bed, tempted to read it again for the thousandth time, knowing it off by heart, remembering her crippled halted writing…

  My one loves st words to me.

  ‘You’ve done your due, it's time to come home dear Bet, I would love to see your smile one st time before I pass.’

  It hurts every time, to know that I only made it in time for her mourning, that I was too te.

  The st Guardian was retiring and so I took up his mantle and his blessing was passed on to me, bestowed by the Empire. And so instead of watching over this pce from the battlefield, I watch over it as its protector, at least until I can pass my own mantle.

  I whisper the words into the light of the candle, hoping she can hear me beyond its glow, “Oh my sweet Ket, how much I wished I could see you one st time, did I do the right thing? Your granddaughter, one who takes after you like nothing else, who each time I saw her reminded me more and more of you, bringing such feelings of regret and self-hatred for not seeing you one st time. How could I not protect her? The battlefield would eat her alive.”

  I touch my lips and feel Eta on them still, regret at my foolish actions, but knowing how she was feeling that night, even if I could not fulfil them completely. I look out the window into the dark, would Eta have arrived at Mer by now? I know he would keep her safe, a man of his word, even if it would take him to his grave. A merchant not being able to make their own way in the world, I'm gd I was at least able to give him a small title, something to fall back on, came with an extra letter to his name, not that he was happy about it, receiving something from me like that, even if it was long ago.

  For five years I watched the young girl who cried at Ket’s mourning grow into a woman, each scripture she would try her best to impress me, help out when it ended, always wearing the prettiest things she could, that long flowing hair that just kept growing until it rivalled her grandmothers, that same comb she obsessively brushed through whenever she was feeling nervous.

  I pick it up from next to me, examining each part of it, still the same as it was, made of such wood that even so many years past it was pristine. She may think I’m a monster for taking it from her, but she was to change, maybe not for the better in her own mind, but she will change whether she likes it or not.

  Her father protested, wanting to pile so much in with her, give her knickknacks, food, letters. All the things an adoring parent could give, but I could not do that to her, not with what is coming to her. She may see it as cruelty, but the things that remind her of home will only hurt her, as it did me. My parents spoiled me, and I found out how harsh reality really was, but with my power I could not send her straight there, at least give her time to grow her skills, learn that the world is kill or be killed, remove such childish notions of safety from her beautiful head.

  I y back in bed, the comb against my breast, something of my love and something of someone who loves me. Is it a comedy or a tragedy that I now hold it? I drift off to sleep, Eta and Ket’s faces intermingling, becoming one and the same, both beautiful in their ages, missing them both terribly for different reasons. Ket would always be in my heart, and I would never again feel such things for another being, regardless of how much they resembled each other.

  …

  “Ya can send her things when she settles down at the academy, and by things I mean letters, none of all that stuff!” Eta’s parents were in front of the church, both having stayed up all night before visiting me right upon waking hour, knowing I would not answer the door until the sun was up, or lest I punish them both, are at least with the fear of punishment.

  “Why couldn't we just give her any-” I sm my palm into the stone wall of the chapel, felling the rocks crumble and the roof jerk slightly. I am going to have to fix some holes after that damage.

  I feel the pain they do, for their loss, but know that it isn't about them. “Do ya think her blessing is a fetid joke?! She is a fucking Berserker, Dan Anori! do you know what that means for her? She saw the fear in yer eyes Dan! Ya can not take that back with some sweet fuckin words and gifts!” Dan crumbles to the ground on his knees at my words, he knows what he did, but I also get it, he’s never seen combat, he's never seen real violence, the look on his daughters face was the closest he had even gotten to it, his sweet ma bless her soul was too soft on him, just like mine.

  “She just needs time, she needs to come to grips with what she is! Just be grateful that she's not being thrown out to the monsters and has time to actually become strong enough to know herself and the world better! I saw a young untrained berserker once, he never stopped screaming as he threw himself to death, he didn't know how to stop. He killed so many but it was pointless, he had no one to protect him, so far out that he could never return. This is the best any of us can do. at least understand that I would never hurt her, as someone you grew up with, know the me that would never break a child like I was broken, please.”

  He nods on the ground, tears spttering against the dirt and grass. Dir was always the strong one, she ruffles his head and approaches me, looks me directly in the face and then smiles ruefully, before holding her arms out and hugging me tight. “Please keep her safe, she was always too big for this vilge, just like you and mother were.” I hug her tight back and let her go but not before whispering in her ear.

  “I'll be visiting her in a year, if ya haven't eaten em yet I'll gdly yer salt’d toffie off yer hands, an when I see her I'll bring her a fresh batch?” She smiles fondly at me and seals the deal with a small bump of our heads together, something we had not done since we were children.

  I wave off my childhood friends, our ways together lost since we all had our blessings, Dir was never anything like her mother, she was smart and agile like her father, always the leader of the pack of us kids, after her mother found out about me being bullied, she tried her best to help me as well. Now she stayed at home and spun her crafts, used her hands to make anything and everything instead of my by side like she said she would be as I left for the wall, not that I bme her, you never get what you want from your blessings, it was there to break your future, not to bring it to life.

  I go back inside and sit on the wooden pew, the book of scriptures in front of the prayer desk, not for the gods, but for the people, to know of our history and our past, for the Guardians to stress of not having the gods hurt us again. But how could we, we would never recim the glory that we once were, the mighty cities and empires across the whole world, as far as we know we are the only ones left, but if the other races were alive, I would love to meet them, all the stories about them, people with tails and ears like nulfurs, winged people that could fly, or short people that could tunnel through the earth. Most of my day is spent reading and re-reading this mystical tome of our history, and I imagine. Maybe we aren't alone?

  I put my hands together and pray to Ket once again, the only person I would trust in this world, if she was listening or not, ‘Please watch over her while I cannot, for both of us’.