The first time I saw him was in the Zi Jing Palace, he was wearing a purple official uniform, talking to several officials, with slightly raised eyebrows and an unmistakable gesture, truly a king's demeanor.

  "Third Brother." Princess Yi Yang smiled and greeted him with a soft voice.

  He turned his face, and the warm sunlight gently stroked the elegance between his eyebrows, a natural nobleman who didn't need words to overflow with dignity.

  He and Princess Yi Yang said a few words casually, without noticing little me behind Princess Yi Yang.

  "This is my third brother, the Emperor's most beloved Third Prince Nan Chengyao. I had you practice the Shadow Dance precisely so that you could perform it for him."

  The joy in her heart suddenly became uncontrollable and surged upwards, yet amidst this joy, there was also a hint of melancholy.

  Just now when he was facing us and talking to Princess Yi Yang, he didn't even glance at me, even though I wore a veil as instructed by Princess Yi Yang, which was unreasonable, yet he didn't ask any extra questions.

  "Why aren't you speaking?"

  The Princess Yiyang turned her head to look at me, but in my eyes, there was only pure and shy innocence, without any extra emotions. From the moment I could remember, the thing I did the most was to conceal myself, and over the years, it had become a habit.

  "Yinyin was just thinking, why did the princess want Yinyin to wear a veil? If she let the third prince see Yinyin's appearance, maybe, maybe..." I muttered, my face flushing red, my voice getting smaller and smaller, not continuing with this shallow talk.

  But these few words were enough, in the eyes of Princess Yi Yang, I was just a woman who understood a little cleverness but would never become a force to be reckoned with, a shallow woman who could be ordered around by her.

  As expected, Princess Yi Yang smiled carelessly: "It's not the right time yet. My third brother is no ordinary person. If you can't make a stunning impression on him, then even with your good looks, it would be wasted. Wait a bit longer, until you've mastered the Shadow Dance, and I'll personally play an accompaniment for you."

  I lowered my head and meekly replied with a "yes", but I didn't expect that this wait would last for several months.

  He feigned illness and went on an expedition to the north of the desert, waiting until I finally waited for his triumphant return. At the celebration banquet in Qinghe Hall, I performed a dance that amazed everyone, and my eyes fell unintentionally on him with expectation, but he was drunk?

  It's not that I'm not disappointed, but after practicing so hard for so long, he just leaned against his queen and smiled at her with a drunken gaze.

  That woman, so strange, since that fleeting glance on the street in Beijing that year, I have never forgotten her. At this moment, she is holding the best man of the Southern Dynasty in her arms, with a smile on her lips as if it were a ritual, but how can that awkward posture be hidden?

  Such a woman, how can she be worthy of him, just because of her birth?

  Back home, I actually didn't feel sleepy at all, but I still forced myself to close my eyes, counting butterflies as I fell asleep, just hoping that tomorrow I could have a good mood and let him see the most beautiful me.

  But unexpectedly, after dawn, he received news that he had been poisoned?

  From the moment I realized that I was nervous and afraid, I also understood that he was no longer just a high branch in my heart that could help me get out of trouble.

  I met him, and he was like a beautiful dream that I had been having since birth. Even if it wasn't love yet, I couldn't force myself to accept other suitors anymore.

  So I devoted myself to taking care of him who was recuperating in the Zi Jing Palace, even more so than when my mother was ill.

  I thought it was just a means, but slowly I realized that many things I didn't need to deliberately do, it was my heart that made me do so.

  Perhaps it was just because of the warmth in his eyes when he painted me dancing.

  Perhaps it's just because when he looks at me, his eyes are filled with a intoxicating gentleness.

  Perhaps it was just because of his soft call - "Yinyin".

  Everything has become beautiful and willing.

  When Princess Yi Yang chose the opportunity to mention to the Emperor that he should take me as his concubine, he fell silent and didn't speak. For the first time in my life, I was so nervous that I couldn't even breathe.

  But I didn't expect that after a moment of silence, he actually brought up the Empress Dowager to the Emperor. I stared at him in disbelief, but found his figure becoming increasingly blurry. I blinked hard once, and then again, but still couldn't see clearly. It turned out that unknowingly, my face was already covered in tears.

  This is the first time in a long while that I forgot to hide myself, he walked over, gently wiping away my tears, his voice softly ringing out.

  Father, I don't want to wrong her.

  He said.

  At that moment, I suddenly felt that even if he wanted me to die for him immediately, I would be willing.

  I thought I would soon be able to stand by his side with a clear conscience, but the emperor's sudden illness has delayed our wedding.

  He was so gentle when he comforted me, but a woman's intuition is always the most accurate. I tried hard to find it, from his eyebrows to his tone of voice, but I couldn't find any hint of regret.

  Perhaps it was because of this that I agreed with what Father said, and under the name of serving, followed him to live in the Sanwang Mansion.

  The first day I entered the mansion, when I saw her for the first time, I had practiced my breathing a thousand times.

  In the subsequent interactions, I gradually realized that she was not as fragile and vulnerable as I had thought. However, I also never expected that such a gentle and elegant woman could become so strong and resilient for the sake of her child.

  Actually, I didn't know she was pregnant.

  However, what she said wasn't wrong. The Shu Xiang An Xi perfume I gave her has an additional musk note compared to the one I usually use.

  I still remember that scene in the Qingyang Palace, where Consort Qing didn't know why she asked Princess Yi Yang to bring me into the palace to take a look. The three of us were exchanging pleasantries, but unexpectedly, a palace maid brought over a sachet and whispered something in Consort Qing's ear. Consort Qing's beautiful face instantly turned pale with rage, and she snatched the sachet, throwing it violently to the ground: "This person actually dared to put musk in the sachet I sent her! She wants me to be barren, but I will never let her off!"

  I and Princess Yi Yang were both startled by her loss of control, and she also immediately realized her own loss of composure, forcing herself to suppress her emotions, opening her mouth: "Princess, Miss Du, I'm really sorry, I still have some things to take care of, so I won't keep you."

  I and Princess Yiyang naturally knew to withdraw, just as we were about to walk out of the palace gate when she suddenly called out to Princess Yiyang in a low voice: "Princess, I was at fault just now, don't let your father the Emperor know."

  The Princess Yiyang smiled and turned back to her: "Your Majesty's elegant demeanor is what Yiyang has always wanted to learn, how could she lose her composure? We just had tea together and chatted about family matters."

  The Empress Dowager smiled and nodded slightly, a hint of relief in her eyes.

  It was this expression that made me put down my guard against her, even now I still can't tell whether she intentionally wants to harm me or if all of this is just a coincidence. As the imperial consort, why would she need to make things difficult for me? Moreover, there's no reason for her to conspire against the three princes.

  I recall the profound smile of Princess Yi Yang, as she exited Qingyang Palace. In a soft voice that only we two could hear, she chuckled: "Didn't Yun Yun say that your aunt has been running the incense business for generations? If that unknown concubine had received incense personally blended by your aunt, it wouldn't have been so easy to detect the musk hidden inside."

  If it wasn't for her, she really would have been pregnant by now.

  However, between reality and expectation, there is always a huge gap. She became pregnant, she realized it, but the child did not fall.

  I gritted my teeth, trying to make my voice sound stronger than I felt inside.

  "His Highness will never let things slide." I said.

  She smiled condescendingly, her voice becoming even softer: "The Third Prince is what kind of person, you should also be clear, he absolutely won't delay his main goal for personal reasons, do you think he would offend the entire Murong family just for a small inner court servant girl like you?"

  Am I clear? I don't know.

  When he searched the world for rare flowers and grasses to send to the Shao Yi Guan, when he took me on outings to admire flowers, stroll by lakes, and attend banquets, with such extreme tenderness and consideration, and with the eyes of others filled with envy and admiration, I thought that he loved me.

  But, but more often than not, I ask myself over and over again, do I really understand him? Do I truly understand him?

  The answer is never certain.

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