“Long ago, on the island continent of Att, there were five great nations which lived in a delicate balance. Until one day there arose a great and powerful evil. A magical force of tyranny and destruction that waged a Dark War against the nations of Att, and threw the entire island into chaos.

  Legends tell… that when all hope seemed lost, a lone hero rose up to oppose the darkness. A great warrior, who's strength and cunning united the nations of Att, freed its people from the cold winds of death, and brought about an age of unparallelled peace and prosperity.

  That hero’s name… was Scaevolus… and in the aftermath of The Dark War, the victorious armies of Att declared him king of the entire continent.”

  This was how Pluuthrchk's kicken began telling “The Legend of Scaevolus”, speaking from inside a small cage covered by a thick purple cloth. Her name was Al Rae, and though she assisted her thulhan master in every lecture it gave to Lefty, neither the boy nor Ol Blu had ever actually seen her. Currently, Pluuthrchk was holding her cage like a lantern as it slowly walked the grand halls of the royal castle.

  The massive structure stood in the center of The Capital, and had long since been converted into a… museum of sorts, commemorating the warrior king who used to live there. Though it was once a popular attraction its halls were largely empty now. Lefty, Pluuthrchk, Blu, and Rae practically had the place to themselves. The human and the thulhan were strolling casually past the various exhibits, their footsteps echoing on the marble floor as the young man received his education.

  Pluuthrchk stared ahead wistfully as they walked, enjoying the scenery and mostly letting it’s caged kicken give the lecture; only occasionally interrupting to clarify something, or quiz Lefty on the material. The young man walked next to his teacher with Ol Blu perched on his shoulder. His arms were crossed, his eyes cast down towards the ground, not in shame or disgrace, but in concentration. He was doing his best to ignore the majesty around him so that it didn’t distract from his lesson.

  It had been almost two months since their arrangement had been made, and just about everyone was happy with how things were progressing.

  Lefty was very happy… although his first few days had been rocky. It had taken the lad some time to adjust to his wealthy patron and the lifestyle that came with it. Like most people he resisted change, but Puuthrchk matched his stubbornness with tenacity, and in the end it had won out. Gone were Lefty’s simple peasant clothes, replaced by tailored outfits of black and red. His formerly messy hair had been tamed by pomade, slicked back so that it no longer hung in front of his eyes. The lad had even started bathing semi-regularly, though he still hated water. Perhaps most impressive though, Pluuthrchk had convinced its young ward to stop wearing his pointlight and squid shoes everywhere. It had succeeded where even Ol Blu had failed…. by tempting Lefty with the promise of knowledge.

  The young man had always been eager to learn after all. That was half the reason he liked Blu so much; the old kicken was full of useful information. But the rich jeweler was just as full and it had a kicken of its own on top of that… plus a library… access to other libraries… and the connections to enter every important site in The Capital… like the royal castle. Indeed, the knowledge that Lefty could obtain through Pluuthrchk was absolutely astounding, and when the boy realized the true scope of this… it had been quite motivating indeed. Enough to make him part with his cherished equipment… at least for part of the day.

  After that wall had been broken, Lefty and Pluuthrchk started to get along surprisingly well, falling naturally into the roles of student and teacher. It had taken a while for the lad to acclimate to a formal education, but once he did, the young man took to it like a Vork to non-existence. He enjoyed Pluuthrchk's daily lectures on the history of Att, and listened with the utmost eagerness, absorbing all the information presented and applying it whenever he could. He would have been the perfect pupil, if not for the added distraction provided by sleep magic.

  It seemed that the environment Pluuthrchk provided was excellent at stimulating Lefty's mind, allowing him to dream more frequently than ever before. Since that first night, when he had discovered the surreal landscape that was his workshop, he had experienced several more lucid dreams, allowing him to refine his process. By the point of this lecture he was becoming aware of his dreams the moment he started them, allowing him to procure the nearest shovel and begin digging right away. At least twice a week he'd tunnel into the endless prismatic desert, where his crude sand drawings were given physical form.

  Of course, obtaining one's workshop was just the start of becoming a proper sleep mage; the easy part actually. Producing something that survives the trip into the waking world is far more difficult and far more time consuming. So far, Lefty had gotten no closer to success than the first night. He had been able to recreate the same crumpled sandy disk… once… but that was the extent of his abilities.

  Still, simply making any progress was impressive, and it had reignited his enthusiasm for magic. When he wasn't attending Pluuthrchk’s lessons or practicing combat with his feathers, he had his nose buried in the books he had received back in Opprobrium. He reread them over and over again, not only because he was attempting to memorize them, but because doing so tended to put him to sleep; especially the book on physics, which he still didn't really understand.

  But I digress, the point is, Lefty was happy with his new situation. Perhaps even happier than he had been at the God Dam. While he was constantly busy, he seemed to thrive on the structure. His mornings were spent learning about history, his afternoons practicing combat in Pluuthrchk's garden, and his nights studying sleep magic. He finally had a productive outlet for his boundless energy, and he thoroughly enjoyed directing it towards self improvement.

  Ol Blu, by contrast, was having a less pleasant time. While Pluuthrchk had kept up it's end of the bargain, giving the kicken his own little bed and allowing him to stay by Lefty's side, it was still clear that the thulhan didn't like him, and resented having to treat him with dignity. and respect. It's own kicken was treated more like property than a person, and despite the kicken race being so rare, the thulhan hadn’t allowed the two of them to so much as speak with each other. Not that Ol Blu wanted to… he… avoided other kickens whenever possible… but Pluuthrchk didn’t know that! It would have been nice for the old grumpster to at least offer to introduce them! Maybe show him some consideration for once!

  (sigh)

  Regardless, Ol Blu was allowed to attend Lefty's educational lectures, though only in a passive capacity. It was made very clear early on that the one eyed kicken was to remain silent during the lessons. He was not to interrupt Pluuthrchk or Al Rae for any reason; even if he knew for certain… that they were wrong.

  Not that they were often wrong, or even factually wrong for that matter. Quite the contrary actually. The thulhan’s knowledge regarding the facts of history was quite accurate and commendable; a far cry from the ignorant rantings of Titus, that's for sure. It was clear that Al Rae had learned her speeches from Pluuthrchk and not the other way around. The old jeweler was kicken-like in it's ability to recall historical information, and it had a passion for the truth that ensured it didn't simply ignore events entirely or portray them in a way that was obviously false. No, Pluuthrchk's wrongness came from the way it interpreted history.

  The self-made merchant had a not-so-subtle bias that tended to exaggerate the importance of strong and noble individuals. To Pluuthrchk, history was the study of “The Great Old Ones”, those influential and powerful few who shaped the world through their action.

  Great Cthulhu, founder of R'lyeh and progenitor of the race which bears it's name.

  Allende, the pacifist king who united the Deepuns and ended centuries of civil war.

  Ekkss... the Pentoid revolutionary who had started the Dark War and almost conquered the world.

  And of course, Scaevolus, the savior of Att who had united the races against Ekkss’s tyranny.

  In the Pluuthrchk's mind these individuals were history. They alone controlled the rise and fall of nations, determining who lived and who died with their legendary strength and genius level intellect.

  In fact, this had been the central theme of the bestselling books that Pluuthrchk had authored. It didn't originate these ideas, but it certainly popularized them. The idea of “Great One History” remains very popular to this day, and it's easy to see why. People like simple explanations. They like obvious heroes and villains. They like to look back at a chain of events and see a clear line of cause and effect, where everything happens for a logical and explainable reason… but Ol Blu knew from experience just how flawed that idea was.

  Life had shown him that reality… resists simplicity.

  He had seen first hand how the actions of normal, historically insignificant people, had changed the world. He had seen the huge role that environment and even random chance played in the outcome of earth shattering events. And he had met enough of these supposed great ones, to know just how fragile and flawed they could be in private. And while he was thrilled to see Lefty being educated… he was worried about how Pluuthrchk was presenting it, and how that might affect his impressionable friend's outlook on life… especially given how the thulhan treated him.

  If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

  Pluuthrchk regarded Lefty as one of those potential great ones, as a man who might one day change the world with a mere statement. That was its rationale for educating the young man. The historian knew the havoc that could be unleashed if someone as naive as Lefty managed to obtain the crown, and it hoped that by teaching him about the great leaders of the past, that the young man could be great himself… “if and when then time came.”

  The thulhan always said it that way. “If and when”. The sentiment had seemed like a sarcastic joke at first, with much more emphasis on the “if” than the “when”. But the more Lefty learned, and the more potential he showed, the more serious that phrase became. Lefty was thriving in this new environment, and everyone could see it. Pluuthrchk was starting to believe this young human might actually become king. Lefty was starting to believe in himself, no longer feeling like an uneducated bumpkin who was out of his depth. And Ol Blu… was starting to worry that he was losing his friend.

  It wasn't that the boy had started acting arrogant or superior. In fact most people would have seen Lefty’s shift in attitude as a positive change, as a young man simply gaining confidence along with knowledge. But not Ol Blu. The elder kicken knew exactly what an inflated ego could lead to, and he watched with worry as Lefty's strong sense of humility began to degrade.

  Fortunately, Pluuthrchk's lessons were almost at an end. They had tackled all the great figures of history chronologically, and Scaevolus had been the last king. The war that propelled him into power had wiped out all the old dynasties, and his crazed plan with the tabernacles had resulted in no new ones. Ol Blu hoped that this would be the last lesson, and that once this story had been told, the two of them could finally get away from Pluuthrchk, at least for a while, and back to the business of hunting the Clavis Imperium.

  For now though, the lesson continued.

  “...And this, my young pupil, is the Mind Pick.” Said Pluuthrchk, as the four of them came to a white marble pedestal, upon which sat a very strange looking object inside a glass case.

  In shape it resembled a simple hammer. It's head was blunt at one end and filed to a curved wedge at the other. Its handle was a short rounded shaft that would have fit easily into an adult human's hand. What made it strange was it's utterly dark surface. The pick was made of no recognizable substance, it's form so impossibly black that it seemed to absorb the light around it. It was like the silhouette of a hammer, lacking in detail or texture, as though the real object had been plucked from reality, and left behind a hammer-shaped hole in the universe. Clearly, it was a creation of advanced sleep magic.

  “This object represent the culmination of Scaevolous's power. It's creation proved, indisputably, that he had mastered all four elements… just as the prophecy had foretold. It was a feat that no man, woman, or even thulhan has accomplished since.” Pluuthrchk said, a look of reverence on it's elderly face.

  “Not only did it prove his superiority in the broadest sense, causing the mixed armies of the resistance to rally around him, but it proved invaluable in defeating that most egregious of foes, ending The Dark War once and for all.”

  Ol Blu sighed in audible annoyance, but before Pluuthrchk could react, Lefty piped up with a question.

  “What does it do?” He asked, placing his hands on the glass case, staring fascinated at the mystical object.

  “Ah, yes, well it's quite interesting actually. By striking someone with the mind pick, it's wielder can enter their dreams.”

  Lefty tilted his head slightly in confusion.

  “As you'll remember from earlier, Ekkss's immense power made chur nearly impervious to physical harm. Scevolus, being the wise warrior he was, managed to get around chur physical invulnerability by fighting the pentoid mentally. He attacked chur mind, distracting the tyrant long enough for his forces to move in and deal the final blow.”

  Ol Blu closed his eyes, and shuddered visibly at this explanation. Lefty asked if he was alright, and the kicken simply nodded, unwilling to speak.

  “Regardless”, Pluuthrchk said with annoyance as it pulled Lefty away from the interesting artifact. “While the physical feats and battle strategies of Scaevolus may have been impressive, it was his actions after the war which cemented his legacy.” It tapped Al Rae’s cage with it's finger, prompting the kicken to proceed with a prepared lesson.

  “Scaevolus, having defeated the leader of the Pentoids, shocked the world by offering peace to their remaining forces. At that time, the populace was clamoring for blood, eager to exact vengeance against those who had started the war, but Scaevolus was wise enough to ignore the masses, and push for diplomacy at this critical moment. Rather than bring more death and warfare to the already injured island, he instead focused his efforts on reconstruction. He united all the peoples of Att, including the pentoids, and made them work together to rebuild this great nation.”

  “It was during that time of reconstruction that The Capital became what it is today, a shining city of unity, the great melting pot of civilizations, a kingdom that would be perfect...”

  “If not for its lack… of a strong ruler.” Pluuthrchk said, finishing the kicken's statement.

  “Is that when the tabernacles and the Clavis Imperium were made?” Lefty asked, after ensuring that his teacher had finished.

  “Indeed.” Said Pluutcharck with a sigh, “Although I think you already know all there is to know on that particular subject. Needless to say, it was the one great mistake of Scaevolus's reign… a foolhardy attempt to circumnavigate the downsides of a hereditary monarchy. It was an admirable idea, trying to ensure the throne would go to someone who had earned it, but in practice his expectations were far too high. He had hoped to leave us with a king that was his equal. Instead his poisoning left us without a functioning king at all, forcing Att to wallow in the bickering ineptitude of… democracy; rule by the uneducated masses.”

  As it finished speaking, Pluuthrchk's spiteful words hung in the air. They continued to walk the museum in silence, the thulhan's obviously sour mood preventing Lefty from asking any more follow-up questions. Eventually though they came to the end of a hallway, and the old historian stopped. It took a deep breath and then turned to face it's pupil, who remained silent, looking up with eyes eager for more instruction.

  “I must admit Lefty, you've managed to surprise me. You've been a much better student than I ever would have anticipated, and your efforts to teach yourself sleep magic have been... commendable.” Pluuthrchk's words caught the young man off guard. It was the first real heartfelt compliment it had given him since they had met more than a month ago.

  “Thank you. I… try my best.” Said Lefty with a smile.

  The thulhan nodded, but its face remained solemn, “Yes. You do. And that's why I'm a bit conflicted about what to do next.”

  It turned away from Lefty, looking out a window and into the shining pre-noon sky. “This was the final lesson I had planned for you. After today I was going to send you off to the Breath Tabernacle, to see if you could overcome the challenges it poses…. Now though… I'm not so sure if you should go.”

  “What? Why?” Lefty asked, “That's the whole reason I'm here!”

  Pluuthrchk sighed. “Because the Tabernacle of Breath… is a death trap. More so than any of the other tabernacles combined. If you go there now… I'm certain you'll never leave alive.” the thulhan said.

  It sighed again, this time long and sad. Clearly it didn't want to have this conversation, but it turned back to face it's student regardless. “I'll be honest with you, Lefty. When first we met, I would have had no qualms with sending you to The Breath Tabernacle. I thought you were an idiot; a buffoon who got lucky, and I could not have cared less about your fate. I admit the choice to educate you was more for my benefit than for yours. It's been… so long since I've had a student listen to my lectures, and I yearned to teach just one more time. I fully expected you to prove your unworthiness. I expected you to be so thick headed and so brash that by the time I finished my lessons I'd feel fully justified in sending you to your grave.”

  The old thulhan looked Lefty right in the eye as it spoke. There was shame in it's face.

  “But you've surprised me. You're more intelligent and hard working than I suspected, and now that I've seen your potential first hand, now that I realize it was no fluke that you obtained the Clavis Imperium... I'm not sure I want to risk your life. You just might have what it takes to be king, to be a real king, and I don't want to see that wasted.”

  Ol Blu… was furious. He glared angrily up at the old thulhan, his face tight with rage. He was about to say something, to tell off the elitist old jeweler… but Lefty spoke first, and he spoke without anger. The young man either didn't understand the implications of what his teacher had just said… or he didn't care, because he responded simply with, “I have to go eventually Pluuthrchk. I mean, there’s no point in keeping me safe and teaching me to be a king… if I'm not actually going to become king. The path may be dangerous, but it's like you said the other day, great rewards come only to those with the bravery to take risks, and the skill to overcome those risks.”

  Pluuthrchk smiled softly with it's tentacle clad face. Hearing a student repeat back something they had learned was a joy for any teacher, especially in this circumstance. The older being brought a hand down to Lefty's free shoulder, giving it a squeeze as it said more joyfully.

  “That's why I've come up with an alternative plan. You won't be visiting The Breath Tabernacle, not yet anyway, nor the Sleep Tabernacle either. There is… another option, a temple not many people know of. It's not based on the four elements or the four mediums, and it is hidden… right here, beneath our very feet.”

  “He’s talking about The Defecation Tabernacle.” Ol Blu said, interrupting Pluuthrchk out of spite. That earned him a glare from old thulhan.

  “I prefer to call it The Tabernacle of the Ancients.

  “Wait. Did you say Defecation? Like... poop?” Lefty asked. Pluuthrchk sighed loudly while Ol Blu grinned.

  “Yes Lefty. like poop. The tabernacle is located far underneath the city, deep in the bowels of its sewer system, where everyone's... urm... waste... is deposited.”

  Lefty grimaced.

  “Its distasteful nature is the very reason why so few adventurers have visited it. It’s never been a popular place. By now the masses have all but forgotten, and even if they hadn't, the city has long since barred the entrances. The place is off-limits to the public.”

  “It may not be the most... noble of tasks, but like you said, you must go there eventually, and it is surely safer than the alternatives. Of all your remaining challenges, your best chance of survival lies with this one.”

  (deep breath) “...Alright.” Lefty said after a deep breath, still partially grimacing.

  “But wait.” Said Ol Blu, “How are we going to get in? You said it wasn't open to the public.”

  This time it was Pluthrchk's turn to grin. “That's funny kicken; you think I'm part of the public.”As it spoke it reached into the pocket of it's robes and pulled out a large iron key with the royal insignia engraved on its handle.