Henry opened his eyes slowly as he woke to the darkness of his hut and cursed loudly.

  "Every fucking time, It's like the universe is a frat boy, and I'm some gullible freshman.

  Henry felt great, better than he had ever felt in this world. He could sense all the little bugs and critters scurrying around his hut. He could also feel all the scary ass presence in the forest that bordered his home.

  When he had no cultivation, he never paid the forest any mind. Now that he could, he desperately wanted a door in his hut.

  Judging by the puddle on the floor, his clothes were gone, melted. The hut smelled awful. It had always smelled funky, but now it smelled like rotten meat. Henry poked at the squishy mess on the ground, shocked to find out it was his flesh.

  He was sure he had shed his old skin and flesh like a serpent.

  "Goldy, where the fuck are ya, buddy?"

  Henry had a bunch of questions that he wanted to ask his bro.

  "Can't talk too much, Henry; that whole process took much more out of me than I expected. I have to rest and recover, or else my spirit will collapse."

  Henry could feel the weariness coming from Henry, but he still needed some answers.

  "You got this, bro if. I'll peek in now and again to ensure you don't off yourself."

  "Dude, it's going to be like that? Super weak", Henry said, throwing his hands in the air.

  "Sorry, Henry, I can't stay for much longer. Just go get that loot and watch out for the gold madness."

  "Oh, one last thing: if they find out you are from another world, the Elders here will cut you open for parts."

  "What the fuck, Goldy? How you gonna end a conversation on that note."

  Henry knew that what Goldy had said was true, though. In most of the novels he had read, transmigrators always risked being snatched up by the local powers. Henry was not going to be a statistic.

  As he sat in the dark of his hut, he made a mental plan of attack.

  First, he had to explain why the old human punching bag Peng was now this radiant golden god Henry.

  Second, he needed to be a full-fledged disciple. Henry knew that the sect was loaded, and he needed that loot.

  Third, he needed Goldy back. Henry needed his guidance on the pitfalls of the Thundering Shenlong Heart Mantra. He didn't want to do something stupid and get himself killed. Again.

  From there, it's off to a life of power and riches.

  Henry leaped up off his seated position and clapped his hands together.

  "Time to get this crap off me."

  Henry remembered a little lake about a mile from here and headed in that direction.

  He ran with wild abandon. His ki circulated through his muscles, giving him power he had never felt. In his past life, the A.I. cultivation had also given him power, but it felt hollow because it was not his own. Now, though, this power was all his; it was linked to his very being.

  Henry looked like a crazed animal as he did somersaults in the air before coming upon the lake.

  This world was pristine, untouched by the sludge and residue of his original home. He was pretty sure the continents were just more enormous. It was home to fewer people and fewer machines polluting the environment. Henry took a deep breath, taking in the clean, crisp air. This was his new home now.

  Looking in the crystal clear waters illuminated by the moon's light, Henry beheld his new, much sexier self.

  Henry now stood 6'2 from his previous 5'10 height, and it looked like he had added an extra thirty pounds of muscle. His once stringy black mop of hair was now long and luxuriant like a shampoo ad. His face was not dainty or refined, quite the opposite. His was rough and blockish, with thick brows and big lips. There was no refinement in his features.

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  He liked this, though. Peng was so frail and sick that he felt like an NPC to Henry. His face now looked like a villain, a bandit, someone that if you saw down the road, you would immediately turn around and go the other way.

  His eye, though, was quite alluring. Golden irises shimmered every time Henry cultivated his ki.

  "That's pretty badass," Henry said aloud.

  Henry's body was still covered in the dead flesh of Peng, and the water looked so inviting.

  "Cannonball!"

  Henry jumped fifty feet in the air.

  He would need to learn to control his ki better. Henry thought it was easily excitable. Henry mused on this face before hitting the water.

  Henry knew the water should be cold, but shockingly, it wasn't. The water felt great. His new body insulated him from the cold, and his internal energy kept him from having hypothermia. Henry could see all the little fish darting away from him as he bobbed about underwater. Henry felt at peace and thought about his next move.

  He couldn't just return to the sect, looking like he did when he announced that he was Peng and wanted to be a disciple. The cultivators would probably call him a demon and try to kill him on-site. No, that wouldn't be the right move. What to do? What to do? Henry knew there had to be a solution; this problem was just a speed bump. What would the protagonist in those novels he read do?

  Inspiration hit Henry like a kick to the nuts. No one had given a shit about Peng. No one even knew who he was in the first place. The Dividing Heaven Sword Sect was lousy with serfs. Who would miss one chamber pot cleaner? An idea started to brew in Henry's head.

  Didn't Peng live on the edges of a forest teeming with crazy, dangerous spiritual beasts? Would it be improbable that one of those beasts had wandered by and spotted Peng bleeding out from his injuries and thought, "Hey, I'm hungry. I think I'm gonna eat that idiot?".

  That's right, a beast ate Peng and messed up his hut.

  No, not just eat but devoured Peng, leaving no evidence other than wrecking his hut.

  Henry smiled to himself. He would stroke it and throw it behind him if he had a long beard.

  That was a pretty bottled-up reason for the disappearance of Peng, the shit cleaner. Henry would return to the hut after getting clean and paint a picture of beastial destruction. Then, he would go to the entry town at the base of the sect lands and enter their disciple selection process as himself. No one would be the wiser.

  Henry opened his mouth, laughed at his brilliance, and promptly swallowed a lung full of water. Struggling to breathe, Henry flailed around like an idiot before finally breaking the lake's surface. He coughed and wheezed, sometimes it felt like if the world didn't want to kill him then he would help it.

  Henry floated there momentarily, feeling two little blimps of energy on the shore. His vision had improved dramatically as he spied two forms dashing at each other and heard the unmistakable sound of steel on steel.

  Oh shit, they were fighting. Henry was seeing his first duel in moonlight by a lake. He had to force himself to be quiet as he shook with excitement. He was in a world like the novels he had read as a kid.

  These two didn't feel very strong, though. Henry could see the wisp of potential energy coming off their weapons and clothing, but he could barely feel any ki coming from the two combatants. Their movements were stiff and looked like rote recitation instead of combat skills. Henry knew it in his core that these two had never actually killed anyone before. This was a play fight, but for what purpose?

  Henry swam closer to them, making sure his movements would not make even a ripple. As he neared them, Henry saw a third figure, a woman standing between the two.

  "Brother Yuan, Brother Dei, please, I beg the two of you to stop. Do not fight on this little sister's behalf."

  This was the woman standing in the middle; she would have been pretty if not for her hawkish nose.

  "Sister Guan, let this Yuan Tai teach this dog a lesson for daring to chase after such a beauty as yourself."

  Henry chuckled silently, definite play fighting.

  Yuan Tai, upon closer inspection, was a little fat. Who had ever heard of a fat cultivator? Henry scoffed.

  Yuan Tai wore a red robe that was two sizes too small. Chubby cheeks and small eyes with a waxy parlor made him look almost like a melted candle.

  "Shut your mouth, piggy; tonight will be the night you will taste the blade of this young master of the Wang clan."

  This one had to be Dei Wang Henry mused, impressed by his mental fortitude.

  Dei Wang wore a blue robe of also noticeable quality. Henry was sure of it now. These were rich boys trying to flex for a little piece of ass. Some things never seem to change.

  Dei Wang could not be more different than Yuan Tai. Where Yuan was chubby and short, Dei was rail thin and tall. He reminded Henry of a praying mantis with its sharp angles and long limbs.

  Henry was almost to the shore now, and these two idiots were still monologuing to each other. Henry loved this shit. It was like watching a T.V. adaptation of one of his novels. Henry could sit here all night, but he had plans to be set in motion before the night was through.

  Henry needed clothes; he couldn't keep walking around naked. He also needed some money to move around. It was as if the Heavens smiled on Henry and delivered him this bounty.

  He was going to rob these rich assholes.

  Help a Bro Out!