“KOKOSHERA IS OUR FRIEND!”
“NO ONE HURTS KOKOSHERA!”
“WHERE IS KOKOSHERA?!”
Guilty chuckle and a checkmark.
Editor’s note:
To this day, nobody has the slightest clue who – or what – this “Kokoshera” is … or even if it ever actually existed.
What we do know is that, sometime in the century preceding these events, the entity Kokoshera somehow became so deeply embedded in the collective psyche of all known mikmik that they now all know of this supposed being and are ludicrously protective of it. We also know that this being is somehow connected to humans.
All attempts to learn more about Kokoshera from the mikmik have proven futile and often fatal, as they are apparently convinced that a) absolutely everyone knows who/what Kokoshera is and that b) anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and probably wants to harm him/her/it.
Consequently, we have had to content ourselves with the understanding that so long as Kokoshera persists, the mikmik do not show any aggression towards humans or their trusted friends.
Of course, this also makes them laughably easy to manipulate, as the mere mention of the name in their hearing is generally enough to make them flat-out attack someone.
Thankfully, aside from a single period of active assisted campaign centuries ago, their off-world presence is usually negligible and extremely short-lived, comparable in effect to a handful of frag grenades in a crowded field; a relative few brutal casualties, but then they’re spent.
The Cuyusho stopped laughing.
Many of the katneral stopped breathing altogether, but unfortunately most of them forgot to not start again.
Khalendros started snickering.
Lady Cabben flipped her ears around and let her lower lip droop, which is the tishari equivalent of sighing and rolling your eyes.
Master Bek’So actually stopped talking … to the katneral, “- but then it will get MUCH worse when I use the OTHER end of the spear to … oh, COOTS CURRENTS, why are THEY here?!”
McAllister made a career-worthy effort to mask his guilt, “I don’t control them anymore than you do, Master Bek’So, you know that. It was declared openly and clearly in our agreement that they would be invited … well, alerted, anyway, and you knew there was always a chance they would actually show up.”
Bek’So was decidedly not amused, “Then why in the blue did they arrive NOW?! Why weren’t they here hours ago like the incorrigible children they are?!”
The admiral couldn’t maintain his fa?ade much longer and he knew it, so he spoke quickly and quietly, “
Khalendros, for his part, was sporting the indescribably-menacing look of a sadistic auresten smile as he answered, “Oh, this is going to be fun!” Over an open channel, he decided then and there that the wait was over, “Mighty mikmik, your timing is perfect, as always! We must find and recover Kokoshera at all costs! As their most devoted protectors, please take your pick of available targets and we will be content to deal with the rest!”
You don’t need to tell the mikmik twice.
Editor’s note:
Truth be told, you often don’t even need to say anything at all, but it does tend to help them focus, which can REALLY speed things up.
“IS KOKOSHERA ON THAT SHIP?!”
“OR MAYBE THAT ONE?!”
“I THINK KOKOSHERA IS OVER THERE!”
“LET’S GO SAVE KOKOSHERA!!”
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“HANG ON, KOKOSHERA, WE’RE COMING!!!”
On the one hand, a mikmik boarding barrage is like a bowling ball to a male human’s groin; no matter how you feel about the victim, you can’t help but feel at least a slight tinge of pity for anyone who receives it.
On the other hand, though, Khalendros was absolutely correct; with nowhere to run or hide and no communications with which to coordinate any kind of response, the reaction of the katneral to the largest mikmik boarding action in centuries was raucously entertaining, especially once they figured out who was being targeted.
Final, triumphant, immensely-satisfying checkmark.
With panic and self-preservation overriding all suggestion of order throughout the entirety of the katneral armada, the allied fleet followed closely behind the mikmik boarding action.
Human diplomacy brought its many, MANY friends.
Mikmik “search and rescue” left no stone unturned, no bulkhead intact, and no nightmare unmanifested on the 43 ships they successfully boarded.
Tishari guns dismissed matter at will.
Venrali shields laughed at the retort.
Cuyusho linkages were the guitar to the galactic kumbaya.
Auresten vengeance finally unsheathed the claws it had been sharpening for centuries.
And thus began the twilight of the katneral.
Editor’s epilogue:
Again, I warned them this would happen; you can’t end the story there and not expect consequences, especially considering that, by all accounts, reading the first seven paragraphs of the very next chapter in this volume is insurmountably difficult for humans.
Clearly, we were both right; there are consequences, but not for our bosses, which means there are no consequences, obviously.
*sigh*
Anyway …
As stated earlier, once the mikmik charged, the katneral armada fell into almost complete disarray, having no communications with which to coordinate themselves, which resulted in the “battle” (if you want to call it that) being more of a one-sided curb-stomping; seriously, DO NOT underestimate the home court advantage. True to their word, the combined fleet destroyed nearly every ship and wiped out nearly all personnel, leaving only a single survivor on a shuttle, while they themselves lost only a handful of ships to rare instances of organisation among the katneral.
While the shuttle made its way to Tokkasha, the combined fleet then rapidly advanced in a painstakingly-planned, many-pronged sweep through katneral space that saw all remaining katneral military assets utterly obliterated.
It's worth mentioning … well, at the very least, we’re really proud of how, pulling every last string we had, WE arranged for the left-over katneral forces to be deployed how WE wanted them to be, ensuring the smoothest possible sweep post-Sol. Shadows and daggers! Zeemie! ZEEMIE!!
*ahem*
We’re proud, ‘cause it was awesome, so there.
Anyway, once that was done, the combined fleet deployed throughout katneral space to enforce the migration of all their people to Tokkasha, and it was at this point that the purpose of using luxury transports became evident; as is their nature, the katneral people, upon realizing that this would most likely be their last space voyage for generations – or ever – were all hell-bent on being on those transports as a matter of pride and status. With room for only five hundred individuals per planet, though, the social competition quickly degenerated into an all-out – and extremely bloody – battle royale, with the vast majority of the planetary populations murdering each other.
When the survivors arrived on Tokkasha, the process repeated itself, this time with everyone fighting over who would get to live in the only remaining modern city, again as a matter of prestige.
In the end, the katneral people’s self-centeredness left their total population at roughly that of a single mega city. This actually served their newly-rebronzed society quite nicely, in addition to making them SO much easier to manage, which brings me to my final point, in fact.
Anytime I’ve discussed these events with anyone, something that I’ve stressed is that you humans demonstrated, for the first time on the galactic stage (but many, MANY times since then), your mastery of dealing with other people using only words, be they human or not. On the one hand, you have proven particularly adept at rallying others to a good cause and at immensely improving your position in the balance of power using only verbal agreements.
On the other hand, though …
When we were finalizing the end-game for this plan so long ago, the problem of managing either a crushingly-condensed katneral population or a sprawling one over dozens of worlds loomed large and overwhelming, and we must admit, it completely stumped all our best analysts for quite some time. While public sentiment would support a harsh punishment for the common enemy, it would not overlook full-on, species-wide war crimes.
Well, in walked a newly-graduated human attaché for his first day of duty, and in the space of roughly eight minutes, this ensign took a look at the problem, checked our overall psych profile of the katneral, and provided us the perfect solution; the luxury transports and the single modern city on Tokkasha.
And so, as I was saying; on the other hand … you can manipulate an entire race into committing almost total genocide UPON THEMSELVES, all while making it look like it was their idea – and entirely their fault – all along!
So, as far as I’m concerned, the morale of this whole story is not actually about the enduring value of cooperation, or even the ultimate mortality of a seemingly unbeatable opponent. No, if nothing else, what we should all take away from this chapter – what we NEED to learn from this chapter – is this:
Forget assassins, warlords, and terrorists; human planners and negotiators are far and away the deadliest individuals in known space, and they have the body count to prove it!
And lastly, because you have, once again, deigned to endlessly call us instead of finding out for yourself, I’ll clarify that the ensign mentioned above was none other than Ensign First Class Tychus McAllister. It’s no exaggeration to say that, despite our being allies, most non-humans throughout the galaxy were deeply (but secretly) relieved when he passed away.
Seriously, that guy scared the ever-swirling mist out of all of us, all the while with that intensely creepy smile on his face.
That chilling, yes-I-can, just-you-watch smile.
* shudder*