I can hear the fighting starting to settle down as my swordspear cshes against Randy’s bde, neither of us willing to back down. I sigh, “I hope you know that you and all the dumb mates you roped into this are going to be personae no grata throughout the whole city, if not the region.”

  “What? Just for taking over some dumb ghost bitch’s house?”

  I grin. “Well, yeah. You wanna know how many members my guild has?”

  “No?”

  I grin wider. “I have 10, including Asteria. And while we aren’t the biggest guild by a long shot, there’s the DFC guild, and they have… oh, around, maybe… 4,000 members, give or take a few hundred.”

  “…What.”

  My smirk only grows as I thrust forward, my swordspear sending sparks cascading for an instant. “And do you know what DFC stands for?”

  “Why does it matter?!”

  “Because this is Dorothea’s home, and they’re the DOROTHEA FAN CLUB. You’ve pissed them off by going after their idol. They went kicking doors in all around the city today because she disappeared for an hour or two, so imagine what they’ll do if they find out you and your friends were involved in this!”

  Randy pauses, and I can almost swear I smell burnt toast and burning fur. The hamster in his brain must be running overtime.

  “…. Shit. You win this round, bitch. I’m not gonna risk this since I kinda need to sell loot and crap here. But the moment I find a way around this, you’re fucked.”

  He steps back, lowering his sword and starts shouting orders. I watch as he snaps his fingers and starts legging it, accompanied by everyone of his band that Ginger hasn’t already curb-stomped back to the respawn altar.

  With Randy’s support withdrawn, Viscount Leon’s band of bikini-warriors is swiftly overcome, each one disarmed, then bound hand and foot by several of the female soldiers under Major Brandia Kael’Dornis-Gatea’s expert command. After combing the grounds of the estate and its mansion, the chubby, red-faced and humiliated nobleman is dragged out, pockets bulging with stolen coins and jewels.

  He snaps and fumes, “Get your hands off me! Have you no idea who I am? I’ll have you all fyed! Where are my men-?!”

  Dorothea emerges from behind the Andromal officer, whose tail is flicking with well-restrained irritation.

  “Viscount, you overstep your bounds, once again. You trespass upon my domain, you bring armed men and women here to take what is not yours, and you are as discourteous as you are shortsighted!”

  The Viscount splutters in outrage. “How DARE you, you little brat! Where did those damned Argonauts find a look-a-like for that obnoxious little Duchess?! Don’t tell me they paid a child to pretend to be that ghost!”

  Major Brandia salutes the Duchess. “My Lady, what would you have us do with him?”

  Dorothea sighs. “As much as I’d love to have him hanged, that wouldn’t be prudent. Instead, I will have his entire family stripped of their nobility. Their nds, assets, and properties will be seized and distributed to those in need. And they will be exiled from Vassim and its territories.”

  Viscount Leon splutters, going from red to purple. “What IS this nonsense?! Child, you have no authority to do anything of the sort! Run along home before I have you beaten for disrespecting your elders and betters!”

  Dorothea steps closer, eyes starting to narrow. “First, I am older than you by at least sixty years, so do NOT call me ‘child’. I was thirteen when I died and that was a hundred years ago. So I have a full century of afterlife experience to work with. Unless you are over a hundred and fourteen, you most certainly are NOT older than me.”

  She steps closer again. “Second, I most certainly DO have the authority to do everything of the sort, and MORE. I am a DUCHESS, you are merely a Viscount. You are the bottom of the barrel when it comes to nobility, and from your attitude and behaviour, it seems that you forget that. As the Royal Family of Vassim was entirely wiped out during the invasion of the capital during the time of my death, I believe that makes me the closest thing to the throne to date.”

  As Leon’s brain starts to operate, he splutters and stammers incoherently. Dorothea whirls on her heel, voice raised. “Major! Please ensure that my decration is carried out to the letter! I, Dorothea Trevalli, Duchess of the House of Trevalli and Argonaut-In-Training, command you!”

  The entire cohort of Vassim City Guard salute, loudly bellowing, “YES, MY LADY!”

  The DFC Guild raises a roar of support as well, and the still-babbling Leon realises that he’s utterly outpyed by sheer numbers. His shoulders sag, which gives him the appearance of a very localized ndslide. Dorothea bounds over to me and wraps her arms around me. “Thank you, Dame Kettrin. I wish I could find some way to reward you for your assistance other than financially, since I’ve already knighted you and decred myself your guild’s benefactor…”

  I smile, patting the solid ghost on the back. “It’s fine. I’m just gd we managed to help you get your home back, Dorothea. Now, we should clear up. And I… need to have WORDS with a certain hairy bastard.”

  The sound of deafening cackling fills the air for a wide area around Bloodbath & Beyond, as I stand there in the workshop, hands on hips, wings fluffed up like an angry bird of prey.

  “YOU…. ASS! YOU COULD HAVE MENTIONED THIS TO, I DON’T KNOW, ANYONE?! YOU ALMOST GOT DOROTHEA’S HOUSE STOLEN RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER HER! STOP LAUGHING, YOU SON OF A PRAIRE-DOG!”

  Ulged’s cackling dies down, and he coughs awkwardly. “Ah, my bad, ssie. Ah just wanted it t’be a surprise for the wee ghostie, an’ Ah apologize fer that. But c’mon, how can ye pin the bme fer the whole manor-invasion on ME? T’was not like Ah’m psychic! No-one could have thought he’d try something so publicly! An’ Ramon sidin’ wi’ him is disappointin’, but not out-of-character for him…”

  I sigh. “I’m not… bming you, Ulged, for anything other than not filling me in about Dorothea’s new body. The rest, I’m just venting about and I know you’re a good enough guy to put up with me stressing out.”

  He grins. “Well, Ah guess Ah’ll accept that as a compliment? Mah wife allus says Ah hae a verra soothing manner.”

  I huff. “Yeah… but now that this situation’s been resolved, the head of the DFC Guild wants me to have a meeting with him and see about Dorothea wanting more independence… she can’t join my guild, not without the power of flight, and I can’t break the rules I set. If I make one exception, I’ll be pressured to make more exceptions and then it’ll never end…”

  I lean against the counter, a thought occurring to me.

  “So, expin this whole new… body… you managed to make for Dorothea. How does it work? It’s not like… a corpse that she’s possessing, is it?”

  Ulged grins. “No’ a corpse! An automaton. That body wiz never alive in th’ first pce. Ah wondered if’n our wee Duchess could actually puppeteer a body if she felt connected tae it, so Ah started mekkin’ one. ‘Tis basically a robot with all th’ functions like breathin’, a pulse, warmth, an’ all th’ stuff we c’n do. She cannae grow old, since even Ah’m no’ that guid. But she’ll be able tae leave her home and explore her city. She c’n meet people, study at the Grand College or at the Dupont-Moreau Institute of Magiscientific Research under Dr. Frank. She c’n hae th’ life that wiz taken frae her before her time.”

  I sniffle a little. “Yeah. She’s got all the time in the world now to travel, or… or do whatever she wants. Thank you for that… I mean it.”

  Ulged waves my gratitude off. “Ah, t’was nothin’. Ah mainly did it as a sort of science project. Knowing it’s possible might come in handy someday. Although, Ah’m fairly certain Ah’ll get Professor Jerome’s colleague, the Spiritual Common-Law and Custodia Legis lecturer, comin’ after me wi’ a hatchet after this li’l stunt, rantin’ about how Ah’ve thrown a massive spanner intae th’ works o’ her whole field of study!”

  I roll my eyes. “You have no-one to bme but yourself!”

  I pause, looking over at some blueprints Ulged’s left on a workbench. Heading over, I pick up one of the thick parchment sheets, studying it, my eyebrows rising into my bangs as I decipher the project id out on it.

  “This is Dorothea, but… older? Did you draw these up by hand???”

  Ulged nods. “Aye. Th’ wee ss askit me if’n she could get older, an’ Ah’ve not been able to come up wi’ any way tae mek that happen. Th’ best Ah c’n do is develop an older frame for her. Once she feels ready to hae an overnight age-up, Ah’ll bring it o’er an’ leave it tae her t’ put her new body on. She might need time tae adjust wi’ each new fit, since she’ll hae longer limbs and more bodyweight, but Ah have complete faith that she’ll manage it just fine.”

  I exhale, running my eyes over the picture. Dorothea’s current form is that most closely-approximating her age before she died, a thirteen-year-old, but the girl drawn on the parchment looks noticeably older, around sixteen or seventeen. Her hair is longer, and her height is clearly increased. However, the detailed nature of the drawing makes me pause.

  “Ulged? You aren’t… pnning to make more… anatomically-enhanced… versions of this, are you? Because if I find out that you are, I’m going to cut you.”

  Ulged’s face looks utterly gobsmacked. His ears tilt back and his tail stops wagging. “Lassie, Ah must no’ have heard yeh right. Are yeh askin’ me if Ah’m gonnae do somethin’ absolutely unconscionable tae an innocent girl?”

  I fix him with a withering look, one I’ve seen my mother use when my dad is too fixated on his work to come up from the basement for dinner on time.

  “That’s exactly what I’m asking. Now, are you?”

  Ulged straightens to his full height, his chair falling over as he looms over me. He’s a lot more muscur and bulky than I am, even in my full armour. He lowers his head down to my eye-level, staring at me.

  “Ah can promise yeh, on mah honour, Ah have ne’er, am ne’er, and will ne’er, do any such a thing tae Dorothea or anyone else, as long as Ah live. Ah have nae interest in wooin’ Dorothea nor sexualizin’ her in any way. Ah’m a craftsman, and a happily-married man. That’s as far as mah interest in this project goes. Dorothea wanted an older body, so Ah began designing one by her request. And, once Ah’ve finished, these pns will be encrypted three times o’er an’ shut away for guid, only tae be brought out in case of medical emergency, like Dorothea’s body needing repairs that Ah cannae do wi’out the pns.”

  I glower at him, then nod. “Good. I just had to be sure. I really like her and I want her to be safe. There are plenty of people out there who might try something disgusting if they thought they could.”

  I shudder, clenching my fists. Ulged puts a huge paw on my pauldron. “Ah thought about that. Which is why Ah didn’t limit her physical strength as much as Ah should’ve. If she wanted, she could put ME through a wall. She almost DID, in fact, and killed a chair while she wiz at it!”

  I blink. “Huh? That’s… What??”

  Ulged shrugs. “To be blunt, if your STR is at 50 points, Dorothea’s is at 100 points. She’s twice as strong as someone of an equivalent level to Mor. Like, I set her to be in the 50’s. She’s got quite the advantage when it comes to wreckin’ face in a fight.”