"Look, guys! A garden gnome! I wonder why it's all the way out here?" Alice pointed, surprised to see a small red figure sitting near the tree they had eaten lunch at the day prior. "I don't remember it being here st time." They continued walking through the field, emerging into a grassy meadow next to a burbling creek with a nice oak tree providing shade. A garden gnome appeared to be stuck, half-buried in the dirt next to the tree.

  "Yea, weird. Right where the mushrooms were." Bridgette noted, gncing at the half-buried garden gnome. "Although, it still looks like there are a few mushrooms left. It's fucking ugly, but he's got a cute red hat."

  Colin's head whipped around from where he'd been gncing at the stream. "Did you say red hat?" He noticed the gnome, buried in the dirt, alongside the red mushroom caps. The dirt rustled, another gnome becoming visible as the earth shifted. Blood-red eyes opened, their baleful gaze taking in the three teenagers. "Oh fuck," he said, stumbling backwards. "Look out!"

  The girls blinked in surprise, gncing down at the two garden gnomes at the foot of the tree. Two pairs of red eyes stared back up at them as a surprisingly deep and gravely voice for a small creature uttered, "Tall bitches gonna die!" The first creature lifted a wicked looking sickle, the bde coming free of the dirt, and took a step toward the two girls, its heavy iron boots thudding ominously in the soil.

  The second creature tore free of the dirty, shaking itself like a dog, growling, "Sluts are only good for killing."

  Bridgette gnced at the two gnomish creatures, then looking back over her shoulder at Alice, before crouching down and peering at them for a closer look. "They're so small and cute, like toddlers with silly red hats." Alice looked at her, a mix of confusion and growing fear on her face.

  "Are you sure, B? They don't seem friendly."

  "These little guys? I'm sure they're harmless, despite the attitude. They even talk!"

  The first creature leaped toward Alice, knocking the busty healer backwards as it reached out, grabbing onto her dress and hair, stumbling until she tripped and fell with the creature on top of her. It was surprisingly heavy for being so small, its weight crushing her down into the fresh dirt. The creature raised its sickle and swung downwards rapidly, sshing at her as she raised her arms, trying to knock the creature off and defend herself from the blows. Alice screamed in terror and pain, blood flying as she felt the impacts slicing into her arms, hot ribbons of pain and blood tearing into her arms and chest.

  "GET OFF HER!" Bridgette roared, running over and punting the creature off Alice with a strong blow. It screamed as it spun off into the cornfield, spinning wildly as it screamed obscenities at the tall woman.

  "They're evil!" Colin yelled, realizing what the creatures finally were but failing to articute in his panicked rush. "Evil gnome things!"

  "No shit, Sherlock," Bridgette quipped. She gnced down at the other creature, still shaking its way free of the dirt. "Are you gonna be an asshole, too?"

  It gnced up at her, taking in the scantily cd barbarian's appearance and greataxe. "I'm gonna cut those big fat titties off you and shower in your blood, giant dy." Bridgette blinked down at him, surprised at the hostility.

  "But you're cute," she said, feelings hurt.

  "Redcaps are fucking evil," Colin shouted, finally able to put words together. "All they do is kill! They're like evil murder gnomes!"

  "Kill everyone," the redcap agreed, advancing toward Bridgette, heavy boots stomping against the ground as it raised its sickle and broke into a run. It started sshing at Bridgette, who raised her axe to defend, parrying the blows of the sickle with her greataxe, still trying to reason with the angry creature. "Especially kill the sluts!"

  Alice stumbled to her feet, blood streaming down her chest as her dress hung in ribbons from the first redcap's assault. She had managed to heal herself, but there was little she could do now about her destroyed clothing. She popped open her tube of lubricant and flicked a few beads towards Bridgette and Colin before dabbing herself on the forehead. Alice turned, seeing Bridgette still trying to reason with the second redcap and growled, "Kill the fucking things, B."

  A thunderous stomping noise could be heard from the cornfield as the first redcap emerged from where Bridgette had punted the tiny creature, running at top speed toward Colin. The elven wizard panicked as he saw the tiny fae creature running at him, raising his hands toward the redcap and shouting "Freeze!" A bst of cold energy roared out from his hands in a cone toward the redcap, ice crystals forming and locking it in pce while the temperature dropped instantly, corn stalks withering in the cold.

  The redcap near Bridgette charged, surprisingly fast despite its small size, swinging its sickle in vicious arcs towards Bridgette. She backpedaled again, parrying with her greataxe, trying to regain momentum while avoiding having her fingers sliced off. "What the fuck, you stupid midget! I thought you were cool! I'll show you how good this slut is at killing!" Bridgette spun, sshing out with her greataxe, the redcap wildly dodging to avoid the furious redhead and the giant steel bde as the momentum of the fight reversed.

  Colin pointed his fingers at the still-frozen redcap, pretending to shoot his finger-guns while making "pew pew pew" noises. Ethereal missiles flew across the pasture, striking the creature and dealing more damage to it. The small creature staggered, the ice starting to chip around it as it struggled to break free. Alice gnced back and forth between the creatures, casting another healing spell on herself as more torn flesh stitched back together, the shredded remains of her dress dyed red and falling in ribbons around her.

  Bridgette continued pressing the redcap near her, her greataxe fshing back and forth as she tried to nd hits on the small creature. It was surprisingly agile, continuing to avoid her swings, until she finally managed to nd a solid hit, bsting the creature backwards until it bounced off the rge oak tree, blood leaking from a savage cut across its chest. The redcap stood back up, shaking the blood from its face, and snarled. "It's on now, big 'un."

  The redcap dodged under her next axe blow, coming up with its sickle swinging, taking Bridgette at mid-thigh in a spray of blood as she staggered backwards, leg unable to bear her weight. The creature continued pressing forward, kicking her savagely in the chest and Bridgette nded heavily on her back, her axe falling to the side. She got a hand up in time to grab the redcap by the wrist as it tried to swing at her face, punching it with her other fist. It swung wildly, the sickle slicing ineffectually at Bridgette as the redcap tried to bite and cw at her any way it could. Bridgette continued punching up at it, blood from the two combatants spshing all over as they did their best to kill each other.

  "Heal," Alice muttered, casting yet another healing spell onto Bridgette, trying to keep her ever-decreasing health bar above half. She then cast a new spell, creating a pink ball of light over Bridgette's head, as a tentacle shed out, grappling with the recap. The tentacle continued attacking mindlessly, continuing to try to damage the small, evil creature. Bridgette rolled over, one hand still holding on to the redcap's wrist, pinning the sickle in pce, as she used her knees to hold the creature on the ground and continued punching it in the face, trying to knock it unconscious. As the tentacle lost its target, no longer easily able to reach the redcap now that Bridgette was in the way, it ceased its assault and started drifting around aimlessly, looking for another foe.

  Colin continued bsting spells at the frozen redcap, alternating firebolts with missiles, as he chipped away its health. "You stupid fucking gnome, you're too easy," he ughed, feeling confident. "Behold the power of a fully operational fourth level wizard!" As he continued cackling, the redcap finally broke free of the ice and sprinted toward him, sickle once more raised to strike. "SHIT!" Colin yelled, turning and running in panic. The redcap leaped onto his back, driving him face-first into the dirt, and began swinging its sickle at the wizard, slicing crimson trails into his back.

  Bridgette finally managed to gain the upper hand on her redcap, her repeated strikes driving it into unconsciousness as it finally went limp. She rolled to her feet, grabbing her greataxe in the process, seeing Colin filing ineffectually while being assaulted by the remaining creature. Alice glowed with energy, channeling healing spells towards Bridgette and Colin, trying to keep them alive while the remaining redcap kept slicing at Colin with the enthusiasm of a trained sushi chef. Bridgette reached the prone wizard, her greataxe fshing in a giant strike as she swung with all of her prodigious strength. The axe impacted the redcap right at the neck, cleaving through and sending the decapitated skull flying out into the cornfield. With a sigh, she colpsed into the dirt alongside Colin as their wizard moaned in pain.

  Alice limped over, allowing her pink floating tentacle to dissipate into an ethereal haze now that the threat was gone. She gnced down at her tattered dress, bare flesh covered in blood showing through in multiple locations. Alice grimaced - the dress would repair itself tonight, but wasn't going to be doing a lot of help in the modesty department until then. She tugged it off, wincing as some of her cuts moved painfully, and gnced down at her naked body, blood streaks all over.

  "Colin, don't look. I'm going to jump into the creek real quick to wash off all this blood." The wizard moaned his acknowledgement, face still pressed into the dirt.

  Bridgette lifted her head up briefly, "Did someone say skinny-dipping? Ugh, nevermind ... I hurt too much to enjoy it right now." She whined pitifully. "Come heal me, Alice."

  Alice dove into the creek, the cold water sluicing the blood from her skin. She submerged her whole body, running her hands over her skin and through her hair, trying to rinse off. Alice rose from the creek, water dripping from her pale skin as her nude body stepped back into the grassy pasture. Angry red marks traced her skin, temporary scars from the redcap's attacks, but the worst of the damage was healed and the blood was now gone.

  "Holy shit, Alice. You look like you fell in a blender," Bridgette observed from her spot ying on the ground.

  "You're not much better there, babe," Alice replied. "But you should definitely go hop in the creek to get clean. It feels amazing." She stepped over to her lover's prone form, touching her gently on the forehead and channeling a healing spell into Bridgette, bringing her back up to full health. Bridgette moaned in pleasure as the erotic healing energy suffused her body, writhing in sensual passion.

  "Still right here, dies," Colin grumbled. "Skinny-dipping and sexy moaning is not what I need to be hearing while face-down in a pile of dirt, covered in my own blood."

  "Hah, sorry Colin," Alice apologized, blushing slightly. "Nothing inappropriate happened, no need to be all upset." She cast a healing spell into the wizard, bringing him back to full health as his body briefly glowed with pink energy. The wizard sighed in relief, stretching his wounded limbs, and rolled over to stare up at the sky. Colin let out as yelp as he realized Alice was standing right above him, still nude and dripping with water from the creek, closing his eyes tightly.

  "What the fuck! Clothes, please, Alice."

  "Whoops, sorry! I got distracted healing you guys. One sec..." Alice rummaged through her storage ring, putting her shredded dress away for safekeeping and pulling out a pair of leggings and a tshirt. As she tugged the shirt on over her head, Fi's magic went to work, changing the color to bright pink and putting a stylized image of a nude garden gnome with a giant penis and wearing only a red hat in the middle of the shirt, with the text "SMOL BUT FIESTY" below. Alice blinked down at the shirt, sighing in dismay. "Okay, is everyone ready to head home now? Hopefully this time with less murder gnomes..."

  Colin and Bridgette eventually picked themselves off the ground, sighing and gncing around. Colin turned to Bridgette, pointing. "This is your fault, you know."

  "What do you mean? How could this possibly be my fault?" Bridgette looked confused, looking between the two dead redcaps and the wizard.

  "You sat there under that tree, wishing for bloodshed and wanting things to kill yesterday. Then right there in that exact same spot, two murder-gnomes whose entire mythos is based in bloodlust are waiting for us. I think it's pretty obvious."

  Bridgette looked sheepish for a minute, gncing at her feet. "Okay, yea. Maybe I need to tone down the wanton bloodlust a little. But hey, we won, so it all worked out."

  Colin shook his head in dismay, leading the trio across the fields and back to their home. "Not the point, Bridgette..."